"Hey Stonum? Open the case. Like you opened the door."

Squeeze waves frantically at the dwarf and the doctor. "I'll get this figured out in due time - don't be hasty!"

He stares at the buttons on the panel. One of this has to allow him to smash through the glass panel himself before it gets all drunken dwarf up in there.

Mechanics: 17+7=24

Stonum relaxes his stance just long enough to let out a good hearty burp.

"Slime-o, your lucky I've got this aching headache, otherwise I would probably have obliged the good doctor already."

Well, maybe this button wasn't a snake. It could be a picture of the big shovel on the front of the wagon! Squeeze could use the shovel to carefully lift up the box. Feeling inspired, he punches the button.

The massive mechanical arm whips itself straight up, smashing a massive hole in the glass case. One problem solved. And, well, what makes it go? The bunny makes sense. Bunnies are fast. Some of them. The bipedal ones not so much, but regardless...

"FASTEN SEAT BELT", the control panel helpfully advises, but Squeeze neglects to do this before tentatively pressing the bunny button. When the machine lurches out from under him and surges across the floor and nearly through the wall of the BOBCAT building (the rubber treads cannot quite clear the window ledge), he only has himself to blame.

Squeeze splits each of his "arms" into two smaller arms, and uses one on each side of his body to wrap around the seat and secure himself. Now, all he has to do figure out how to make this wagon stop long enough to get his comrades onboard...

Mechanics again to stop the machine.. or perhaps to check if Squeeze knows what the brake pedal for this thing looks like: 13+7=20

As the machine barrels across the building, Squeeze flails wildly at the controls and drags the chuckling doctor along for the ride. He manages to disable the machine before it can flip itself over; the button with the exclamation point kills the engine.

"Nice ride you got there."

6 or 7 husky, pig-faced mutants in tattered black leathers are loitering outside the window, crowded around the spectacle Squeeze has made of himself. Porkers. The bane of any civilized mutant, the average porker spent most of his day marauding and looting peaceful settlements, and then wound down the evening by burning things. Worse, they were talented salvagers, so any kludged-together weapon they were pointing your way probably actually worked. In this case there were "only" two blunderbusses pointed at Squeeze, the rest of the gang being armed with an assortment of rusty chains and sledgehammers. Their motorbikes were still idling nearby; thanks to the noise of the new wagon no one had heard them approach. The largest porker levels his blunderbuss at Squeeze meaningfully.

"Why don't you two step, uh, get down from there and hand us the keys. Nobody has to get hurt. I done enough hurtin' today. I got what you call, eh, what was it, Ed? Repeatin' Stress Injury? From all the hurtin' I been doin'."

Ed (the other lucky gun-haver) offers a rheumy chuckle and then spits a wad of greenish phlegm onto the wagon's windshield.

"Gentlemen, it just so happens that I am a medical practitioner! Ed, that looks like it could be a nasty chest infection you've got there. And, I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name, why don't you come over here and let me take a look at that wrist of yours?"

Descend from the Bobcat and stand beside it.

"I know a thing or two about hurting-induced repeating stress injuries. I've got some medicine that I bet could clear it right up. Something for your cough, too!"

Attempt to put the two with guns at ease and convince them to come near.
Interaction: 1 + 6 = 7. Fuck.

Skittles, still standing in the back of the showroom, attempts to quietly sneak towards the porkers, in hopes of getting a shot with his launcher.

Stealth check 9+0=9

Failing at that, he raises his launcher, whispers the sacred prayer to the almighty Cage ("How'd it get BURNED?"), and fires The Rock at Ed.

Attack 5+3=8

Making a tentative attempt at being a little stealthy for once, Skittles creeps around the back of the new wagon only to bark his knee on the bright yellow metal. With the element of surprise lost, he opens fire anyway. The Cage would have wanted it that way.

18 vs AC 16: Hit! 8 damage.

The Rock whirled toward Ed's face, slicing cleanly through one of his tusks and hacking off a good part of the warhog's right ear before flying across the street to destinations unknown. The porkers are unprepared for his sort of proactive resistance, and Doc's in a position to put some real hurt on them before they can react.

Skittles racks the next disc into firing position. Deadfall? Sounds good.

Marauders x5: 5+2=7
Warhogs x2: 19+3=22
Skittles: 12+3=15
Squeeze: 9+3=12
Doc: 19+3=22
Slim: 3+2=5
Stonum: 11+3=14

Tiebreak coin flip for Doc vs Warhogs favors Doc

:savepoint: Initiative order: Doc, Warhogs, Skittles, Stonum, Squeeze, Marauders, Slim :savepoint:

Enemy defenses:
Marauders AC 17 Fort 16 Ref 13 Will 12
Warhogs AC 16 Fort 8 Ref 17 Will 15

Battlemap

"My medical opinion is go to hell."

Mix something together and throw it at Ed.
Flasks of fun: 5 + 7 = 12.

Move to the square to the right of Nutty.

Ed and Frankie look on curiously as the vials smash harmlessly into the concrete at their feet.

"Well, that's just uncalled for", Ed snarls. "A couple of interesting scars is one thing, but now you're wastin' perfectly good bottles. An' without bottles, how you gonna store your hootch? That's a waste of natural resources is what it is."

This monologue is largely unheard, of course, delivered as it is alongside the din of two blunderbusses firing off their payloads of ball bearings and small animal bones. Everyone near the window takes a beating but Skittles gets the worst of as multiple fish bones spear his sensitive compound eyes.

The wounded throw themselves to the floor to avoid a second barrage, but the warhogs are already tossing their guns aside in favor of a pair of very well-used tire irons. Damn things take too long to load. They advance on Squeeze with foul intent and even fouler odors.

27 total damage to Skittles
12 total damage to Doc
13 total damage to Squeeze
All three are bloodied and prone.
This seems like a good time to remind you all that you each get one second wind heal per encounter!

:savepoint: Skittles, Stonum, Squeeze, Marauders, Slim, Doc, Warhogs :savepoint:

Battlemap

Skittles has never felt such pain in his life, but he draws on the strength of the mighty Cage. When all is lost and the world has knocked you down, the only thing you can do is turn yourself into an undead skeleton who pees fire and beat the hell out of your enemies. Skittles takes pride that at least he has the ghost part down. He takes a deep breath and rises from the ground. Coincidentally, the music that Slim turned on earlier switches over to a new song:

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
Skittles uses Second Wind, gains 14 HP

Skittles walks purposefully over to the nearest Warhog. He stares directly into the man-pig's eyes. "You think you can just show up and take what's rightfully ours and not have to deal with consequences? Not today!"

3+ 3 (CON) + 1 (level)=7 vs. Warhog's 8 FORT

He tries to release his powerful Eau de Roach, but suffers performance anxiety.

Suddenly stirring from his EVERCLEAR induced rêverie, Stonum turns abruptly and let's his finger slip on the trigger of his Genuine Blunderbuss just as the barrel points in the general direction of Ed.

Blunderbuss shot in the general direction of Ed's face
7+5+2+1= 15 Vs. AC 17
miss...

"Ohhhhhh... What have ye done now, snaplings?"

A weak dud of a shot comes out of Stonum's weapon. He sighs loudly as he shoves it into his belt, trading it for his trusty tire iron. He staggers awkwardly towards The scuffle.

Move real good and close to Ed

Squeeze gets up, shudders and retracts his cytoplasm into himself so that some of the blunderbuss shot drops out of him.

Move action: Stand up
Minor action: Second Wind, +13 HP


"Mmmmmmmm. Leather and pain. You folks are making me some kind of excited, I'll tell you what. Mmmmhmmm....!"

Squeeze turns to Ed, and with a mighty UNF, releases a substantial blob of nastiness.

Attack with Paralytic Goo
Attack roll: 10+4+1=15 vs. Fort=8 HIT
Lol min damage: 1+2+4=7
Target is slowed until the end of Squeeze's next turn

"He slimed me!"

Ed twitches as the various contact poisons that comprise most of Squeeze's body work their way into his bloodstream.

"Ugly little spud, isn't he."

And with that the underlings charge, armed with the triumphal roar of "DON'T GET ANY ON YOU!" But they are far too disorganized, bumbling into each other and generally crowding the building entrance. Skittles and Squeeze easily duck their swinging chains.

:savepoint: Slim, Doc, Warhogs, Skittles, Stonum, Squeeze, Marauders :savepoint:

Battlemap

Slim blinks as everything around him moves. So fast, they all are.

Move Action: 3sq W, to E-5.
Minor Action: Draw weapon: Wrinklefucker (if that's even required, but I don't think I need a minor action beyond this.)

Slim raises the Wrinklefucker high above his head, and swings it as hard as he can down on [D-4]'s head! (Using Predatory Eye.)

Attack with Predatory Eye! 12+3+1 = 16 vs AC 16 (Though attack roll also says "+accuracy", and not sure where that is on character sheet. Don't remember if matching 16 vs 16 counts as a hit, either.In which case it does...)
Slam dat hammer: 9+3+1 = 13 damage

Though a fresh dent has appeared in his skull thanks to Slim's alarmingly dangerous sense of style, Ed's more upset about being soaked in gelatinous issue.

"Get that thing away from me! It's probably got all sorts of diseases! I don't need any more diseases, Frankie!"

With that, Ed heaves his considerable weight at Squeeze, sending the handsome blob sprawling, somehow. Squeeze doesn't really have legs or a center of gravity, but he gets knocked down. Accept this.

9 damage to Squeeze (knocked prone)

"Tha's right, Ed. That there robodoc we tore down for parts said you was, what was it? 'A perfect model of bacterial armory.' Like, all your bacterisms is good friends wit' each other. DON'T RUIN ED'S BACTERIAL PARADISE!"

Frankie brings down his tire iron on Squeeze's floorbound form with a fury, splattering goop all over everyone present. For his part, Squeeze issues a startled burbling noise and his eyes (lacking proper lids as such) sink into the relative safety of his interior.

16 damage to Squeeze (unconscious, dying)

This could be going a lot better.

:savepoint: Skittles, Stonum, Squeeze (KO), Marauders, Slim, Doc, Warhogs :savepoint:

Battlemap

Skittles hears the strangled burble of his fallen companion, and draws a mighty stream of bile from deep within his body.

Standard action: Eau de Roach on C5
7+3+1=11 vs. Fortitude (8)
Damage: 11 + 3+ 2=16, plus push target back to C4 (?)

A greenish-brown liquid streams from Skittles' open mouth, dousing the Warhog. Skittles bellows a loud roar (or what passes for a roar in cockroach circles), beats his chest, and disappears briefly, reappearing a short distance away.

Shift to D6

Though still groggy, Stonum is conscious enough to see what has happened to his squishy friend, and his dwarven defender instincts kick in. The ancestral memory of the defense of Iregard Keep flow through him, and he swings with all his dwarven might at Ed, while shielding the glippity-gloppy remains of Squeeze as best he can with his shield arm.

Shield the Fallen on Ed
20+5+2+1=27
Critical!!!
16 damage to Ed
+2 to all defenses and saving throws for Squeeze and Slim until the end of my next turn


The Iron connects on the side of Ed's head with a huge THWOP.

Stonum Shifts on top of Squeeze's remains to shield him from more pain, and as he steps into the goo he can swear that the ooze is slowly starting to crawl up his leg, evn though Squeeze is obviously unconscious, In fact it's crawling towards the only part of him that is equal to a full-sized man. Well, apart from his head.

Shift to Squeeze's space to protect him, and maybe some fun times

Ed staggers back as the trickle of blood from his temple escalates to a cascade.

"Uh buh... gubba derrrr... flub" he threatens, as his eyes fail to focus on much of anything.

Ed bloodied

The marauders charge in chains a-whirl to protect him, battering back the defenders at the door and swarming in to surround the Bobcat. Stonum stands unharmed, batting back the chains and dauntlessly defending the fallen blob (who is looking a little worse for wear regardless, if such a thing is possible).

7 damage to Slim; knocked back to F5
6 damage to Skittles; bloodied, knocked back to E6

:savepoint: Slim, Doc, Warhogs, Skittles, Stonum, Squeeze (KO), Marauders :savepoint:

Battlemap

AH'M WATCHIN' YOOOOO, PIGFACE...THING.

Move Action: Shift to E4

Attack - Predatory Eye: on D4
12+1+3 = 16 vs 16AC (again?!)
Damage: 3+3+1 = 7 PLUS 1d6 = 2 BRAIN MELTING damage

Slim raises his ironhammerthing high in the air once again over the Warhog's head, and swings it down with all his might. He unfortunately loses grip of the handle mid-swing, and the hammer falls slightly-more-gingerly-than-expected on the Warhog. Slim, slightly taken aback, sees that it didn't quite do the trick, and squints at the creature, dealing an extra 2 points of damage.

That oughta do it. Yeah.

If there's one thing Andy knows, it's crushing. Not driving, unfortunately. However, desperate times call for desperate measures, and unless something drastic happened to change the odds in their favour, Pang's entire written introduction was all going to go to waste. It was time to draw upon his knowledge of classical mechanics to display how forces work. Forces like that Bobcot on top of those ugly pig things.


Move: Move past Skittles and enter the Bobcat.
Move: Start 'er up, and drive at half speed (2) through D/E5 and D/E4.
Minor: Second Wind.
Attempt to crush E5 and D4 into paste.
Attempt to scoop up Slim, Stonum, and what's left of Squeeze with the bucket, in the process of driving. (I actually just realized everyone else's names starts with S)
Mechanics: 9 -1 = 8 (Assuming I have to roll, since we already figured out how it works)