Exploding Garrmondo Weiner Interactive Swiss Army Penis - [Tournament] 2007 MLB Discussion Thread

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The Cardinals play the Tigers this season, by a stroke of luck, but moving to the West. Unfortunately some teams are stuck with the same matchup year after year (Cardinals and Royals, St. Louis Missouri and Kansas City Missouri) which really aren't "highlights."

Red Sox apparently pull a Astros/Clemens "lol j/k" with Matsuzaka.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Dopefish

Red Sox apparently pull a Astros/Clemens "lol j/k" with Matsuzaka.

Boras had the Red Sox on his doorstep, meaning that he probably getting a better deal for Matsuzaka than Boston would like to give, but not as much as the 12 million per year he's expecting.

They're "close," apparently, but I'm betting Matsuzaka gets around $10-11 million per year.

They could have gone for Barry Zito...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryuu

The last thing they need in Fenway is a lefty.

So, the Blue Jays throw a 7-year/$126M contract at Vernon Wells, and he's hesitant. It would have been the 6th heaviest contract of all-time.

What a world.

Did he accept it? I haven't heard yet. What about Lilly?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiddlegoof

Did he accept it? I haven't heard yet. What about Lilly?

He hasn't done anything with it yet.

And if you mean Ted Lilly, he signed with the Cubs a while ago.

No surprise: Daisuke Matsuzaka is a member of the Boston Red Sox. Spring training is going to be interesting.

Here's Dan Shaughnessy's letter to DaiMat:

Quote:

An open letter to Daisuke Matsuzaka:

Dear, Dice-K (OK if we call you Dice-K? Or would you rather D-Mat or Dice Man?),

Welcome to Boston. Thought you might like to know a little about your new workplace. A move like this can be quite an adjustment, so we've put together a few thoughts to help you with this major transition in your professional life. These are merely suggestions. Take 'em or leave 'em.

When you stand in front of microphones at your first press conference, take a deep breath and announce, "I guess I hate the Yankees now." You don't have to mean it. You may not even understand the words. But this simple, little phrase will forever endear you to Red Sox fans around the globe.

Never make fun of employees at Burger King. All Red Sox fans are your friends.

Be wary of a large teammate with a blond mullet wearing No. 38. He will explain that he is a spokesman for all of the other players and instruct you on everything from tipping the clubhouse kids to throwing the splitter. He will show you his copious notes on all major league umpires. He will tell you which media members to trust and which ones are snakes. He will also urge you to vote Republican.

You will be impressed with your new catcher. Japanese ballplayers traditionally work harder and put in longer days than American players. You will appreciate the work ethic of Jason Varitek. He will be the best catcher you've ever had. Do everything he says. He will not tell you how to vote.

If Julio Lugo makes an error behind you, do not say, "Gonzalez would have had it."

Do not be surprised or insulted when a Spanish-speaking player wearing No. 24 greets you at spring training with, "Hey, who are you? When did we get you? Were you in Pawtucket last year? I love playing in Pawtucket." This man will turn out to be the best hitter you have ever seen.

If you don't want to learn English, we understand. In fact, it might not be a bad strategy. All you really need is one stock answer. Try "It is what it is." You will be amazed how well that works.

Do not ask for jersey No. 9. Your old No. 18 will do just fine. In fact, Sox fans will be happy to find new use for their old Johnny Damon shirts.

Feel free to tell us that Scott Boras was ready to blow up the whole deal, but you intervened and said, "I'm not a tool to help you change the posting system! I'm not a child! Just get a deal done! I want to pitch for the Red Sox in 2007. It's not about the money."

Do not buy football tickets from Fred Smerlas.

If you accidentally hit a batter and ignite a bench-clearing brawl, make sure you stand next to Wily Mo Peña during the fracas.

Demand that Tom Werner give your wife her own show on NESN. If you encounter any resistance, just tell him, "Hey, you put Michelle Damon on your network."

Never comment about carrying your bags. Never.

Tell J.D. Drew he's got to buy you dinner at least once every road trip. There's a chance he's only here because the Sox wanted to soften up your agent for your negotiations.

Explain to Theo Epstein that you do not want to sign a contract, but would be OK with a signature to memorialize an agreement.

Stand very close when you talk to John Henry. He's a notoriously low talker.

Don't feel bad for Kevin Youkilis when he's introduced at home. Those are not boos.

Remove all AM radios from your home and automobiles.

Stand near David Ortiz whenever possible. Some stardust may fall from his head to your shoulders.

Pay no attention to confusing, number-numbing reports placed at your locker if they are postmarked, "Lawrence, Kan."

Pretend you do not understand what they are saying when you hear the words "pitch count."

When you hear the words "Jimmy Fund," follow that person and do anything he or she asks. The rewards will be enormous.

Take the ball every fifth day, pitch your heart out, make no excuses, say only good things about your teammates, salute the fans, sign autographs, smile, and act like you are enjoying yourself. Let the experience of pitching for the Red Sox at Fenway Park wash over you like a soft summer rain. You're going to love it here.

It looks like Wells has accepted the 7-year/$126M contract to play for the Jays.

About Lilly, were the terms of his contract released before? TSN says today that it is 4-year/$40M. I find it odd that it'd be running across the ticker today, so I assumed that the terms of the contract had not been released as of yet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FreeHooker

I think it was finalized today. Like Lilly accepted it a while ago, but I assume things like a physical and such need to be done before everything is finalized.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryuu

I think it was finalized today. Like Lilly accepted it a while ago, but I assume things like a physical and such need to be done before everything is finalized.

Either way, $10M for Ted Lilly?

That's pretty pricy. I watched the guy all year long, and I'd be way happier with an $11M Gil Meche than a $10M Ted Lilly. The guy is going to bomb in Chicago this year.

What about that japanese pitcher that the Yankees recently acquired? Or was it the Red Sox? I forget.

I also forget his name, so i'm not being much help here, but was he some kind of baseball god over in Japan for them to be making such a big deal about him here? I watched a bit of it on t.v., but i haven't been watching for a while, so i didn't know who he was, and why he's so special.

Red Sox. They signed Daisuke Matsuzaka. Basically, he's a supposed Japanese baseball prodigy who has led teams he's been on to championships. He led his High School team, his Japanese team, and then the Japanese national team in the World Baseball Classic to championships. He was MVP of the WBC as well.

He's rumored to throw the "gyroball," which he already said he can't. If you've seen any Japanese baseball anime, you'd know what it is (well what it's suppose to do).

Wiki says his stats for the Seibu Lions (since 1999) are:

108 Wins, 60 Losses; 1402.2 innings pitched; 1355 Ks; an ERA of 2.95

Not too bad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryuu

Wiki says his stats for the Seibu Lions (since 1999) are:

108 Wins, 60 Losses; 1402.2 innings pitched; 1355 Ks; an ERA of 2.95

Not too bad.

Wow..not to shabby. Thanks for the stats. I'm sure he'll do very well in the American League.

Well, the Yanks sign Igawa to a 5 years/$20 million deal.

On the other side of the US, the Giants signed Zito to a huge deal: 7 years/$126 million.

Didn't think he was worth that much.

Just saw the Zito deal on T.V. It's apparently the sixth largest salary deal in MLB history!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiddlegoof (Post 352583)

Didn't think he was worth that much.

He really isn't.

Giants for the lose.

Maybe if he was the Barry Zito every baseball game from before 2004 simulated his career to be, then he'd be a bargain.

If any player played like them in any baseball video game we'd be having records broken left and right.

And also Zito is a piece of shit. He should have signed with the Mets, seeing as they are a team that wins games and can make the playoffs.

Being a Rangers fan I am equally bitter he didn't sign with us, until I saw his ridiculous pricetag

At least the Mets have a chance to be good next year...

Can you believe the nerve of Barry Bonds.. That son of a bitch is going to blame everyone in the sports industry for his steroid use before he grows some balls and confesses. Can you say "*?"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jack The Ripper (Post 362331)

Can you believe the nerve of Barry Bonds.. That son of a bitch is going to blame everyone in the sports industry for his steroid use before he grows some balls and confesses. Can you say "*?"

What's he going to blame them for? I agree with you, he's a complete SOB. He has no one to blame but himself. If this controversy continues to escalate, he can basically expect no celebration when (or if) he earns the title for home run champion. Mark Mcguire all over again....