Gabe walks around the evil dragon spray and hits Gareth with his axe.

move to F12
bolstering strike

14 damage to gareth

Gareth bloodied. Gabe +2 temp HP. Garrmondo's HP +11. 2 acid damage to VV.

The gnome grabs desperately for the door handle, but the door doesn't budge an inch.

"Right", he mutters. "Had the doors sealed. To keep anyone from escaping. Seemed like a good idea at the time."

He shouts at the lumbering ghoul across the room. "Gareth! Reverse Operation —" He winces. "MAKE SHEEP GO BYE BYE, OKAY?"

Von Versteckt jabs frantically at Bob with a tiny dagger. It tickles a little bit.

:savepoint: Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa, Argumentus, Gareth, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt

Seeing that the sealed doors were as limiting to the gnome as the rest of us and having no real desire to die at the hands of the ghost and crazy lady I took the only sensible course of action.

My form blurred as I mouthed the power word of the spell and time seemed to slow for me as I spun away from the ineffectual atack of the gnome and ran across to the far side of the room. Once I had put some distance between myself and the rampaging undead, I threw a fireball at the gnome and crazy lady, hoping to discourage any pursuit.

Once again my spell did no discernable damage. I was starting to think there might be some kind of anti-magic field operating in the room.

Expeditious Retreat, shift to G10, Fireburst at G19

Motsognir had been waiting for the zombie to slow down. He was more effective when things were almost dead.

Bloody Ending

24 damage to that jackass

Argumentus' gnawing hunger has reached a fever pitch, and yet he finds himself unable to move closer to the chicken. A large growl, rumbling from the recesses of the fighter's belly, roared through the sealed crypt.

The red haze has consumed his mind, and the starving fighter's maddened eyes fell on the very inviting blackcurrant jam spread on the floor. Not one to partake of such a victual without a suitable plate, Argumentus takes his pick and starts digging up several pieces of stone for his dinner. This time, Mr. Hamfist will be suitably prepared to gut his prey - chicken with jam would just make the spot.

* Readies action: If Ghoul moves closer, smash ankles with stones.

In no particular mood to leave and with his punching bag having fled across the room, Hargastus settles for kicking Argumentus while he's down.

Lissa continues to cover VV's back, continuing to empty bolts into Argumentus' thrashing form.

Crossbow: 10 damage to Argumentus (bloodied again)

Gareth is thoroughly battered, but compelled to follow the gnome's orders. He staggers toward the switch behind the tapestry. The warriors clustered around him slash at him in a frenzy as he meanders away, but it does nothing to slow him down. He pulls the switch again, and all the doors in the room fly open. With a great grinding, the ram's head slowly retracts back into the wall and the portcullis bars retract into the floor. The room revealed to the west (both doors open on the same room) is mostly bare, with a ladder leading upward and another DoomSayer 1000 unit atop a pedestal. It's impossible to see past Lissa to view what's in the room to the east.

Mots AoO: 11 damage to Gareth

:savepoint: Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt, Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa, Argumentus, Gareth

With the farmhand thoroughly battered and falling to bits before his eyes, Garrmondo turns his waterlogged attentions to the rapidly-escaping gnome. He sends an arrow whistling at the deceiver's head, but it whistles harmlessly through Von Versteckt's overly-done hair. Still, the gnome wheels around, waving his crossbow unsteadily in the direction the arrow seemed to have come from.

"Damn you, woman. What good are you if you can't even take an arrow for me?"

Garrmondo's mark transferred from Gareth to VV

With the dead farmer wobbling around most unsteadily, Gabriel sees a chance to actually land a hit on one of these dodgy bastards. Planting a boot on the deader's rear, Gabe swings his axe down cleanly into the ghoul's spongy spine. And about Kord-damned time, too.

Gabe makes a mental note to see about getting his axe sharpened, just in case. Probably it was just some weird hoodoo screwing up his aim, but you can't be too careful.

Gabe's HP +12
Bolstering Strike: Critical Hit! 18 damage

Von Versteckt backs slowly into the open doorway, hesitant to make a full-on retreat while unseen archers are pelting him. He fires back in the general direction the arrow had come from. He'll just take care of the smartass with the bow, then run for it. What good does distance do you against missile weapons, especially when your so-called loyal servants are worse than useless?

Scintillating Bolt: 9 damage to Garrmondo (dazed, save ends)

:savepoint: Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa, Argumentus, Gareth, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt

Motsognir was never much for running after things in general, never mind things that weren't shapely. He wandered over to help the other dwarf finish off the one they could actually hit.

Viper's Strike on Gareth

Sadly, he can't even get that right. He exhales pitifully.

I hurled another fireball across the room rowards the retreating gnome. I wasn't too bothered about chasing him, knowing full well that we could back-track the way we came in and head him off if he tried to run away. Not wishing to make a target of myself however, I ducked into the doorway behind me and assumed a cover position.

Fireball at H20, move to D9, drop prone

Still thoroughly disgusted by having his chances of discovering the secrets of necromancy dashed once again, Bob flings fire at the gnome — more out of contempt than any real desire to wound him.

Scorching Burst: 11 damage to Lissa

Tired of poking at Argumentus as he lies in a puddle, Hargastus picks up the limp man-mountain and flings him across the room. What a boring toy.

Kinetic Claw: 21 damage to Arg, and he's dying again, why the fuck not

Lissa fires wildly in Gareth's direction. Worst comes to worst he might soak up a stray bolt or two but that's a bit better than being hacked to bits.

Having paid the price for his loyalty, Gareth's decaying form is close to abandoning its freakish return to life. The ghoul lashes out in a frenzy, desperate to take as many enemies as possible with him when he goes down for the last time.

Claw: 9 damage to Motsognir (bloodied)
Burn Gareth's action point
Claw vs Gabe: miss
Bite vs Mots: miss

:savepoint: Gabe, Garrmondo (Dazed), Von Versteckt, Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa, Argumentus, Gareth

Gabe trudges over to Arg's prone form, knitting his wounds with a pass of his open palms. Maybe this time the big lug would actually bother to stand up and fight.

Lay On Hands: Arg's HP back up to 13

"Well, that was pointless. They're not even trying to stop me. If you're not going to be good sports about it, fine! I'm quite content just to shoot you to death."

With that, he fires a bolt into Garrmondo's neck and the fighter crashes into the floor.

Scintillating Bolt: 12 damage to Garrmondo, dazed and dying

:savepoint: Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa, Argumentus, Gareth, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt

Motsognir tries to kill Gareth again. Surprise ripples amongst the group.

missed Viper's strike

and to beat all his feet still don't work

Desperate and tired, Motsognir calls out to his Reaper friend, hoping to get some help once more. "Reaper! These things ought to be dead, but they aren't dead! There's even a ghost! You like ghosts right? This is a biggun, too! It's like christmas for you down here for christ's sake!"

Hopefully, that ghoulish prick was still waiting in the wings.

I took a moment to take stock of the situation.

It didn't look good.

The fighter in the poncy shirt was down and out, the big guy was awake again for now but not looking to bright, neither of the dwarves had managed to land a successful blow on our opponents all fight and I was close to passing out myself. Of our enemies, the gnome was no longer much of a threat and the big zombie looked about to fall apart but the ghost and the crazy lady were fighting fit. It seemed to me that now might be the ideal time for a tactical retreat. We could rest up, get our strength back and then come and kill these undead bastards later. We'd already smashed up the gnome's toy so I figured they'd have better things to do than persue us above ground. At least I hoped they would...

Surmising that totally destroying the big zombie would give us one fewer thing to fight when we came back, I sprung to my feet, my magic trainers practically launching me off the ground. Leaning into the room, I blasted the zombie with an ice ray before turning tail and running for the ladder with a rallying cry of "WE'RE FUCKED, DO ONE!".

We had lost this battle but the war was still ours for the taking.

Stand up, Ray of frost on Gareth, move west to the ladder

The Reaper pops into view directly beside Motsognir. His sinister nature already a matter of common knowledge amongst the group, he hasn't bothered to cloak himself in shadow for this appearance.

"Well, strictly speaking the undead per se aren't really in my jurisdiction. They're not precisely dead, but they're not precisely alive either. The whole thing is tied up in miles of red tape, to be honest. I wish I could help you out, really, but if I took offense to the undead I'd have to reap myself and that just brings up all sorts of logistical issues. You see my position."

His grinning deaths-head creaks around suddenly to gaze upon the gnome and his bodyguard slowly backing out of the room.

"Why, you rotten — you assured me you were a vampire, you awful little person."

He cracks his knuckles.

"Seems I can help you out after all, dwarf. We'll call this one a freebie. I don't appreciate being deceived. He seemed very undead when I talked to him yesterday, I assure you."

The reaper darts across the room toward the gnome, scythe cocked for a swing. If he had any flesh, he'd be glowering menacingly.

Bob flees the battle, running toward the ladder. As he passes through the room, he glances at the open doorway to his left, and sees a cow standing idly in an otherwise empty room.

"Thank you for visiting the Tomb Of Hargastus, you interloping bastard!" chirps the DoomSayer 1000. "Never return here, lest you be crushed forever under the iron fist of my vengeance! Have a nice day!"

With the reaper apparently preparing to drive the gnome out of his tomb and the newer interlopers routing, Hargastus is content to go back to sleep. The phantom slowly floats toward his sarcophagus and vanishes.

"Wait", says Lissa. "If you're not actually a vampire, then, uh, where does that put me?"

She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, frowning.

"I just drank all that blood for no reason. You're welcome to him, skeleton man. I kind of lost my enthusiasm for the whole business."

She breaks away from the gnome, running toward the west doorway.

"Don't shoot! I'm probably not actually a vampire after all, probably! It's complicated!"

:savepoint: Argumentus, Gareth, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt, Reaper, Motsognir, Bob, Lissa

Argumentus has no idea what's going on, and frankly he's getting too much of a headache from being pummeled to unconsciousness by all these delicious animals.

He rises unsteadily to his feet, and half-runs towards the chicken. Off with its head!

Gabe realizes that for the last few hours, he's felt kind of absent minded. The part of his brain that tells him what to do has been MIA, often leaving him sitting there for what seems like days at a time doing nothing but picking his hairy nose, hoping he can find some fucking treasure.

Well, no more of that.

A voice appeared in Gabe's head, and for once it wasn't Kord. (Oddly enough, it had a similar accent to his inner monologue, sounding like it may be from a place that neighbours Saskatchewania), and it started telling him he better get off his ass and get to work.

It all started coming to him in a weird haze, at that point. Being all out of his glowing hands trick, it's time for the next best thing.

Shift to F11

"SIR, YOU LIVE TO FUCK BAKERSFIELD ANOTHER DAY". And he picked up the man with the pounded prostate, grabbed him by his shirt, and pitched him through the doorway into the room Bob went into.

Heave Garr into the next room

Contemplate cutting off own Dwarven testicles in attempt to restore regular brain functionality

Burn AP

Move to E13

Perhaps standing in a stream of LIQUID PAIN will jostle the old brainpan a bit.

Dismayingly, Arg's enticing roast chicken crumbles to bits the moment he puts the carving knife to the meat. Overcooked, he supposes. But not to worry — the distinctive scent of raw steak is in the air. With that rock over there as his witness, Arg will never go hungry again!

Gareth killed, yup

Wobbling back and forth, Gabriel picks up the newcomer by the collar and flings him through the doorway. Garrmondo's not exactly aerodynamic, but at least he's out of immediate harm's way. Groggy, Gabe wanders into the fluid jet in hopes the cold spray will clear his head.

The gnome's eyes narrow as Lissa abandons him. "Where do you think you're going, woman? You've got no family to go back to. I saw to that. You've got no more sense than your dumb ape of a husband did. No wonder they buried you."

Scintillating Bolt: 13 damage to Gabe (dazed)

The reaper sighs gustily, lashing out at Von Versteckt with his scythe.

"Why'd you have to bring that up? I just finished processing those kids. She's gonna put two and two together and then things are gonna be awkward. Thanks a lot.

...hold still, you conniving little—"

:savepoint: Motsognir, Bob, Lissa, Argumentus, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt, Reaper

My beautiful and clever dwarven chum had somehow managed to summon up the Reaper demon to come to our aid again and at that moment I was so proud of him I felt my heart could burst. Despite still feeling like I was about to pass out, I couldn't leave my companions now so staggered over and propped myself up on the wall, hurling a fireball into the midst of the swirling melee before collapsing down against the cold stone.

Move to F6, Scorching burst at F15, go prone

All Motsognir wants to do is run away.

Why won't you let me run away.

saving throw failed again

Try as he might, Soggy just can't seem to move his legs. Maybe he stepped in something sticky. He tries to lift his boot for an inspection but — wait, no. Can't move his legs.

He taps on the statue impatiently. Probably this crap will wear off before he starves to death, he figures.

Bob flings a fireball at Lissa, and the fleeing woman shrieks in dismay.

"I was surrendering! Ow, what the... damn it. You are so bad at this!"

7 damage to Lissa

"If it's got to be like that, fine. Out of the way, Dopey. I think Grumpy Dwarf needs your help figuring out how boots work."

She elbows Gabe aside, firing her crossbow through the doorway at Bob. The bolt ricochets off the doorway, lodging itself in the DoomSayer 1000B.

Nimble Strike: actually misses due to Garr's unconscious ass providing cover, ignore the damage roll

:savepoint: Braindead Arg, Braindead Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt, Reaper, Motsognir, Bob, Lissa