Argumentus strikes the bowl from the south, hoping to send its contents flying across the massive stone coffin.

Argumentus smashes the flat of his pick into the side of the bowl. A little of the fluid splashes out from the impact, but the bowl remains firmly in place within the network of tubes. The proximity to the concentrated fumes is making Argumentus a bit dizzy.

The dragon on the west side of the room begins to emit a high-pitched whirring, and a gout of fluid sprays out of the machine's mouth into the bowl, refilling it.

Argumentus dazed

Garrmondo nimbly steps around the bumbling corpse-thing and lunges at it with his shield held before him. The ghoul reels away, but not quickly enough to avoid being smashed against the granite sarcophagi lining the wall. Staggering, the ghoul topples over.

Shield Bash: 15 damage to Gareth (prone)

Gabriel's head clears and he finds himself halfway across the room with Bob busily shining a variety of bright lights in his eyes. Sighing heavily, he whirls around for another try at the vampire. Scatterbrained and irritated, his axe swing is all too easy for the vampire to dodge.

Bolstering Strike: miss. :(

Distracted by Argumentus' constant fiddling with his precious whatchamacallit, Von Versteckt's mace flies a good 6 inches over Gabe's head.

Von Versteckt regenerates 5 HP

:savepoint: Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa, Argumentus, Gareth, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt

Viper's Strike to Gareth

Not only does Motsognir's axe swing wide of his target, but his legs don't work.

My ice rays were doing little more than irritating the vampire and he was annoyingly difficult to hit so I tried to think of something more useful I could be doing to further our cause. The big fellow was trying to knock over the contraption in the centre of the room and the vampire's body language suggested he'd rather it stayed upright. The mechanical dragon things were obviously key to the working of the mechanism too so I jogged over to the nearest one, looking for some way of disabling it.

As I moved, I shot an ice beam at the central bowl, hoping that even if I couldn't break it I could at least cool down the fire a bit which might well interupt whatever process was occuring.

Move to C19, Ray of Frost on central bowl thingy, have a look at the dragon to assess it's breakability

Intuiting that no amount of splashing about would put a stop to the vapors, Bob moves to temporarily interrupt the process by freezing the fluids in place. While the fluids do momentarily freeze in place (and put a noticeable crack in the bowl), the work is undone almost immediately by the statue on the east side of the room. A great gout of flame spurts out of the dragon's mouth, thawing out of the bowl and its contents and re-initiating the boiling process immediately. Worse, poor Argumentus is caught between the dragon and the bowl.

Still, the vapors are temporarily interrupted and for a moment the vampire seems to have been replaced by a much less imposing figure. The effect ends much too quickly any close examination, though.

Safely on the non-fiery end of the statue, Bob gives it a good once-over. There doesn't seem to be any way to get at the dragon's inner workings other than through the open mouth, and this approach has certain obvious risks. Still, it shouldn't be too difficult to jam the operational end of the device provided one doesn't burn one's robes off in the attempt.

Of course, it could also be smashed to pieces but direct force has its own risks against a big container full of hot nasty death.

Ray of Frost: 7 damage to Vapor Bowl
Fire Blast: 9 damage to Argumentus
The statues are AC 16, the bowl is AC 5. A Thievery attempt to disable a trap is a standard action, FYI. DC 20 to succeed.

"My statue" mutters the mad ghost of Hargastus. "Specially commissioned. Very expensive. Don't fiddle with it. Antique."

As if by way of emphasis, he picks up Bob and flings him against the wall almost as an afterthought. Bob slams into the ancient tapestries, and desiccated bits of Corellon Creates The Elves rain down on his head. A real classic of the Amnish tradition, and old enough to be an original. Shame about the condition it's in.

Kinetic Claw: Critical Hit! 22 damage to Bob, restrained (save ends)

"Oh good, one of them finally stopped running around. Don't move, okay? It only hurts for a second."

Lissa dashes across the room, taking a moment to fire a bolt into Argumentus before lunging at Bob with her unusually sharp teeth bared. Clumsy as she is Bob is still too stunned from his collision with the wall to resist and he finds himself with a neck full of pearly whites.

Nimble Strike: Critical Hit! 14 damage to Argumentus
Lissa's AP spent
Blood Drain: 14 damage to Bob (bloodied and weakened, save ends), and Lissa heals 10 damage

:savepoint: Argumentus, Gareth, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt, Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa

Through the fire and the flames Argumentus carries on!

Shift one square southwest
Reaping Strike against cracked bowl
Dunno if damage even matters but 12 damage to the bowl I guess

Argumentus continues smashing apart the bowl, bumbling out of the way of the fire dragon just in case. The bowl is rapidly losing its coherence, and dozens of tiny leaks begin to issue viscous fluid all over the floor. The area around the bowl is becoming slippery and dangerous.

Enough of the fluid remains in the bowl that the vapors continue — barely. Wasn't Von Versteckt taller a minute ago?

Any move action that starts in, ends in, or passes through the slippery zone has a 33% chance of knocking the mover prone

Seeing Argumentus burnt, bleeding, covered in vile fluids and apparently obsessed with battling an inanimate object, Gareth reckons he must be easier prey than the stubborn dwarf. He staggers toward the fighter (ignoring Garrmondo's sword in his back), and mauls him with blood-encrusted claws. Those claws were just clawing Garrmondo! What if Argumentus catches something? What if... what if he develops a fondness for poofy shirts? The anguish of this notion is such that he barely even notices the numbness spreading down his legs.

Garr's AoO (granted by Viper's Strike): 12 damage to Gareth
Gareth burns AP
7 damage to Argumentus (immobilized)

:savepoint: Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt, Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa

Forgive the brevity; jury duty today and possibly tomorrow makes Pang a dull boy

Villain's Menace: 16 damage to Gareth, plus some nice bonuses against same
If you're asking why it's not a miss, it's because of Motsognir's Tactical Presence. Say "thank you, Motsognir".

Gabriel tries to hit the vampire and misses. Who could have foreseen it? It hasn't happened 5 times in a row or anything.

VV regens 5
Forbidding Darkness: 13 damage to Gabe
Gabe's AoO: 7 damage to VV. Well god damn, break out the party hats.
Burn AP
Swing 'n a miss

:savepoint: Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa, Argumentus, Gareth, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt

Unable to move and feeling close to death, there was little more I could do than down the health potion I had tucked into my belt and brace myself for the next attack of the crazy lady.

Drink healing potion, spend a healing surge, feel a bit better

Motsognir just wants to kill this goddam vampire. He saunters up to the bowl, careful to hopefully not slip, and swings at the bowl with his magical axe.

Staggering Great Axe daily power on bowl
I know I hit the bowl, i don't know what rolls determine whether or not I slipped before I could get there

FUCK i'm immobile.

Motsognir swings at the zombie and misses like a putz

NEXT TIME, BOWL, NEXT TIME

Bob's HP +25

Seeing the paladin still wandering around half-asleep, Hargastus easily sneaks up and sends him flying.

Hurl Away: 14 damage to Gabe
Deni's PC is now bloodied. Let's see if he notices.

Gabe crashes into the statue next to her and Lissa darts away, firing a wild shot as she abandons what was, a moment ago, easy prey.

:savepoint: Argumentus, Gareth, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt, Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa

Argumentus keeps working away on the bowl. The experience hearkens back to his days in the military, it's just like pounding a fence post!

Swing swing swing away on dat bowl
hit dem bolls

Argumentus prepares to finish off the bowl, pulling his pick back for a mighty swing. But the tendrils keep pulling him down, and he's too weary to resist them. The battered fighter slumps over on the altar steps.

Desecrated Ground: 7 damage to Argumentus (Unconscious)
Argumentus fails a death saving throw; 2 more failures before a rest will kill him

Argumentus dealt with, Gareth turns his attention back to Garrmondo. But the newcomer is ready this time, as is his shield.

:savepoint: Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt, Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa

Garrmondo carefully trudges up the steps to the bowl, hoping to finish it off. Though his shortsword is hardly the ideal weapon for smashing the infernal device, it's already cracked and weakened enough for the blade to do some damage. The bowl smashes into bits, and both dragon statues simultaneously grind back into action as they detect the absence of any heated fluid at the center of the apparatus. The gout of flame from the east statue singes Gabriel's beard — but Lissa is also caught in the blast. A blast of the weird fluid spouts of the west statue, and the forceful spray of liquid smacks Garrmondo in the back of the head.

While the sprays of fire and fluid continue to meet atop the dais, the meager amount of vapor produced in this way does not amount to much and the illusions produced by the vapor's hallucinatory effects begin to fade away. The vile ichor which so recently dragged Argumentus into a stupor evaporates entirely, but the most dramatic effect is on Von Versteckt himself; the vampire seems to grow smaller and smaller until he suddenly throws aside the mask with an aggravated yelp. The great vampire Von Versteckt is only a disappointed-looking gnome.

Lissa, Gareth, and Hargastus seem to react to this revelation hardly at all. Either they're all in on the deception or they're all too far gone to notice any difference.

Fire Statue Breath: 10 damage to Gabriel; 12 damage to Lissa
Water Statue Breath: 4 damage to Garrmondo
VV's new defenses: AC 21; Fortitude 19, Reflex 20, Will 19

Stepping away from the crazed woman, Gabriel prepares to break for the other side of the dais. Making his way across the slippery terrain, only his innate dwarven balance keeps him aright.

Gabriel's HP +12

"Well, this could be going better", mutters the much-diminished Von Versteckt. With a snap of his fingers, he vanishes and reappears several yards away, putting his back to the east doorway. Smirking, he draws a crossbow and fires off a glittering bolt into Argumentus' prone form.

"Oh no! If you take the time to heal your friend, the evil mastermind might escape!"

The gnome puts his hands to his face in mock horror.

7 damage to Argumentus

:savepoint: Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa, Argumentus, Gareth, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt

"Wake up, retard!" shouts Motsognir, hoping to rouse the human from the slippery mess he had gotten himself into. He did his best to magic up some fire, in the meantime.

speak Inspiring Words to Arg
Scorching Burst to Versteckt

7 Damage

Ego sufficiently puffed after his magic working out, the dwarf swings his axe at the zombie again, missing by a wide mark.

waste another action point

His illusion dispelled, the vampire turned out to be little more than a pathetic gnome.

I was furious.

I had battled my way past lethal traps and evil monsters and lost a companion on the way in hopes of learning something of the dark arts and instead of a master of the undead, I am faced with a gnome.

My eyes flashed with arcane power as I swung my staff towards the imposter with a yell of "ESCAPE THIS, MOTHERFUCKER" and sent a blast of acid screaming across the room towards him, closely followed by a beam of ice. I was moving before the light from the spells faded, running across the room to the gnome hoping to prevent his escape.

Acid Arrow on the gnome, action point, Ray of Frost on the gnome, move to G19

Acid arrow miss, 7 damage
Ice miss
Jesus Christ I've made some bad rolls this fight

Grunting painfully and drooling out little rivulets of hallucinogenic fluid, Argumentus props himself up on an elbow and makes vague threatening gestures at the area where the bowl used to be. Out of the corner of his eye he spots a tiny man frantically slapping flames out of his hair, and considers for a moment the various benefits of going back to sleep.

"Well", says the gnome, his voice dripping with contempt. "That's the last time I use you as a damsel in distress!"

Inspiring Word: Arg's HP restored to 15

Bob helpfully douses the little man in acid. Maybe he'll get even smaller. Maybe he'll sizzle right down to a little smudge on the floor. Sadly, Bob's luck isn't running nearly hot enough today for such beautiful dreams to come true.

Lissa fires a bolt at Bob and pursues him toward the doorway, hoping to prevent him interfering further.

Crossbow: 13 damage to Bob

Seemingly unwilling to pursue anyone outside of his burial chamber, Hargastus just throws Bob into the nearest wall again. That generally does the trick.

Hurl Away: 11 damage to Bob

:savepoint: Argumentus, Gareth, Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt, Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa

I'm going to take "public property" quite literally! :3: I rightly don't know whether healing/biting is standard or minor. If both are standard, screw the bite.

The hamfisted Argumentus is dazed and suddenly very hungry. He grabs a second wind, crawls to F14, and bites down on the opponent's ankles at F13.

Hope it tastes like chicken.

Argumentus flops around on the floor like a fish out of water, gasping for breath and flailing ineffectually in the ghoul's direction.

Arg's HP +13. Yeah, he's immobile so sadly you couldn't do much damage.

Pursuing Garrmondo's challenge in his mindless way, Gareth mauls the fighter while he's still getting a face full of magic sludge.

15 damage to Garrmondo; immobilized (save ends)

:savepoint: Gabe, Garrmondo, Von Versteckt, Motsognir, Bob, Hargastus, Lissa