1. Warmth. I think that's the most important thing of all - for me, a frigid personality is a dealbreaker. When I say warmth, I mean someone who's affectionate, caring and open. That's not to say they have to be like that 24/7, but it really sucks when the other person is generally cold and reserved - for me, since I consider myself to be a warm person to people I care about, dating someone like that is kinda like dating a statue.


2. Wit. I guess, people who are witty are by default fairly intelligent? I love it when I can banter and trade jokes with my girlfriend, and it's great when we're playing off of each other's senses of humor. And I love hearing people laugh, so that's important too.


3. Shared Interests And Views. I think this is fairly obvious - if there's nothing to do together, and talk about, it's just not fun. Similarly, I think that minor differences in worldviews are okay, but not major ones - it'll be hard for me to date a hardcore social conservative, for example, because our views would be so different on many things.


4. Looks - I'm not picky here. I'm good as long as the person is not obese or deformed in some way!

Funny, I just had this conversation with my mom, but I like three things in a girl. She has to be physically attractive (yeah, I'm shallow, deal with it.), smart enough to hold a conversation with me, and not crazy. I think those are pretty self-explanatory so there's no need to go into great detail about it.

WHAT

One thing I'm sure we're all starting to notice is that a lot of guys tend to find the exact same things attractive in a girl. So, in the natural order of things, girls in general probably find that among themselves, they all have similar tastes and opinions on what's attractive in guys (duh) though they tend to focus a little more beneath the surface than guys do. Not that they're necessarily "deep" since I've met more shallow girls than guys, but it's the subtext that girls seem to notice. Not what's being presented, maybe, but the WAY it's being presented?

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I wasn't criticizing what your dating criteria was. I was merely stating that you said there was only one thing you cared about and then proceeded to say several things and lump them together as one point. Honestly I don't know why I felt the need to point it out anyhow so just ignore me.

One thing I'm noticing is that a *lot* of the guys here listed something to the effect of "she has to be smart enough to converse with me".

Is it really so unusual as to need stating that a girl be smart enough to talk to you?

In that case why would this thread exist at all?

but aint you got smart friends to converse with? why does the (sexy) girl need to be a friend as well? not a girlfriend?

Because we have a name for people who we want to have sex with but not talk to: prostitutes. This thread is for discussing relationships. Which involve more than sex, believe it or not.

You don't talk to your prostitutes, Arainach?

What a waste of money.

It's interesting that Sass's list, which is right now praised, is a very good list for finding a man, but I think that there are differences when looking for a woman. It's not that any of those don't matter, but priorities do change, because men and women really are different.

Of course, I could just be a right sexist prick, so who knows.

For example, "intelligence" is an obvious one, but it's not the most important one. Because I want a girlfriend and a companion, not a study buddy. Of course, being a complete idiot would be a deal breaker, but as long as she shows a healthy interest in something intellectual that might be brought up, I don't care how large her knowledge base currently is. (On the flipside, I do admit that if a girl is much smarter than me, I love it, so this isn't me assuming that I'm a regular Einstein).

However, one of the top qualities is definitely kindness. I mean it. If a girl tells me that she "hates kids" or "hates animals", she is basically a bitch I want nothing to do with. Mind, if she says, "Kids aren't for me," or even "I don't do that well with children", that's another story. But some woman who goes, "God, I hate kids!" is really, truly a negative. This quality also shows my sexism, I guess. While I think everyone should show courtesy, I tend to ignore if men are a little cold. But women I think should be legitimately warm and friendly.

However, most of all, a kind of ability... hmm, let's call this, "adaptability", is probably up there. I mean this to cover motivation and appearance. I mean a woman (and a man, for that matter) has to have an ability to deal with situations life throws at them. A girl who is willing to work (unless held back for a good reason), go to school, keep herself moderately fit (not a gym body, but not unchecked obesity), and can comb her hair in the morning.

For the record, that is what appearance is for me. Not natural beauty, which is nice but hardly expected. But so much of what we perceive as "hot" is created, not natural; I don't mind if the girl has no style, of course, but I want her to have legitimate hygiene and the ability to keep herself "clean cut".

...I don't think I'm too picky... am I?Yes, but it's not limited to females. They usually mean (if I may assume) that a girl has to be interested in more than what society wants them to be interested (i.e. shoes). I'm guessing that when girls say that guys should be in touch with their emotions they mean the same thing.

I actually went out of my way to avoid the old "intelligence" criterion. Being smart and being a good person are mutually exclusive. Though both would be nice, I'm more attracted to the second. As a highly intelligent person, I've gained enough wisdom to realize that not everyone will be on the same mental level as I, so expecting such will only lead to disappointment. On the other hand, a woman who is affectionate and loyal, I could derive great enjoyment from that, even if we never once spend an afternoon discussing Sartre. I'd rather she be charismatic and interesting than a brainiac like me, anyhow. We'd bring different qualities to the relationship and these complements would strengthen the union, whereas too much of one trait only creates an imbalance.

Intelligence is only one of a hundred redeeming qualities.

100% disagree.

Being a good person doesn't require smarts - it requires a warm heart and a sound understanding of "right" and "wrong."

I know about 4 people off the top of my head that are some of the best people I know, but are as dumb as bricks.

Yes, I agree with that too. That's what "mutually exclusive" means, Sass.

Question is, why should the girl have to talk all the time? Personally I prefer the quieter guys who don't say much, but can act sensibly, responsibly, and do shit without being told / act out of consideration for others.

On that note, why does the girl have to be even talkative for you to figure out if she's smart or not? Her being "Smart" does not equal to "Being able to hold a conversation or having the ability to talk to you," in my opinion.

I don't really have a set criteria.. every woman is obviously different.

But there is one thing I look for.. emotional strength. I'm not saying I would leave the instant she gets sad, but those emo types where no matter how much love you give will pull them out of gutter is entirely too much to deal with. Be strong and firm and know when to put your foot down.

Girls don't have to talk all the time, but I've never met a girl who wasn't talkative but could still communicate. If you find one, let me know.

To answer your question, the girl doesn't have to be talkative. However, if I don't really talk with her (and I'm not referring to idle chit-chat here) then I have absolutely no way of figuring out whether she has any sort of common sense or sanity as it pertains to life and everyday issues. If I was dating a mute, we would still communicate as best we could without spoken word, and I would still go through some form of conversation with her to figure out just how her cute little brain works. However, I don't think I would date a mute - not out of any prejudice, and certainly if she made a strong enough impression on me I'd give her a chance. I just really enjoy talking with people, especially girls. It's the best way to figure people out.

I would have to say in no particular order:

1. Common interests. It's lame to date someone and find out you two have nothing in common at all. To me, music is big and if the guy listens to some of the same music as I do, that's a huge plus. And it makes way for good conversations.

2. Appreciation of each other. As in, although you don't like the dude being e.g. a Trekkie, you still are open to it and accept his interests. Same with the guy, he needs to be open to who I am and accept it.

3. Humor. Dude's gotta be funny. I love to laugh.

4. Smarts. He needs to at least have a bachelor's degree from a decent college. I don't want a high school drop out who can't support himself.

5. Appearance. We're all shallow, but I'm not picky. He needs to at least be a few inches taller than me and not like obese. And have a face I can look at everyday.

Don't agree with that one. Cynical, slightly jaded and opinionated yes, but not entirely bad. I really can't fathom how one can make such a generalization.

anyhow, the list, the list ...

a) hold a decent conversation to a topic that we both have an interest in.
b) knows how to take care of their body and appearance. Shallow, yes. What man isn't? Health-wise nothing over the top, but at least healthy enough to last until we're both wrinkled and very old.
c) knows how to have a good time and when to step back, and drag me along with them. I'm a bit driven, and often completely zone out from the rest of the world when I'm concentrating on finishing work.

That's pretty much it ... not too much to ask, I hope