Sorry for focusing only on this one line, but I suppose it's really just something that I've been asked a lot (about the character/myself). She doesn't HAVE to keep going back, right? Unless, of course, she's SO desperate for any sort of affection or attention that she'll go crawling back to the one who'd give it to her, even if it's negative. I think the fact that she's going back pretty much shows the depths of her self esteem issues quite well. In the end, the murder, really, was something of an act of bravery and strength on her part, but not really. Strength would've been finding the ability to resist the urge to succumb and see her. Instead she took the coward's way out and just eliminated the temptation from her life.

Either way, thanks for the observations, to be honest I feel bad that I haven't been given Lilael as much attention as Rue, but writing Lil can be a little too personal sometimes, and leaves me feeling weird afterward.

No, I totally get that she is desperate for attention; I guess I'm left wonder why she needs it. Hard to touch on in these agrivatingly small windows into the life of Lilael (that's a compliment by the way :) ) but the really intriquing part is what makes her keep going back, because once we understand why Lilael keeps returning, then maybe we see something of a larger picture. Something to shoot for I guess...

By the way, just read the Rue stories and, as much as it pains me to admit it (because doing so destroys the dilusion that kids my same age can't write well), I was really getting into them. Each time I scrolled down to the last few pages and saw the end was coming I got sad. So then I had to sit and thing about why I liked them and I think the main reason is that you write 3rd person so much better than 1st person. I started to notice it in some of the other stories where your 1st person just didn't get inside the charater's head enough - like in the Lileal stories I never fully understood what her motivations were. I don't know how to explain it, but the narration always sounded too removed.

I know I suck at trying to define these things, but the overall point is your 3rd person writing seems very professional, and that make me jelous.

That's the funny thing, too. I enjoy writing first person more. Although, I think the fact that I don't do it enough is why it seems lacking in comparison. Either way, thanks for the compliments and observations. I do plan to do some more Lilael work in the future. Hopefully the not-too-distant future.

yeah, I really don't have any good advice for you - I'll have to go back and re-read the first persons to see what was nagging me...

But, like Bob Ross says, you can get good at anything with practice (or something to that effect). So definately keep writing; you're giving me the itch to do a little myself.

Uh..hi. So, I'm up real late reading Just Another Job, and I think you're awesome. Anything that I can actually get finished reading is awesome. and there aren't a lot of stuff that I finish reading. I'm a musician(shh. :) )
I really like how it was written.

I really enjoyed Just Another Job, and I have a feeling that I'll enjoy The Feeling is Mutual as well.
I think it's the opener, "I think about the dumbest shit during sex."
It's like, "whoa."

I wish I could write better...maybe it's time to go to college.
later!.

I didn't even graduate high school, in fact. Only so much can be taught. If you want to be a good writer, just write. Write and read a LOT.

Also, I'm glad you liked my stories. Please read more and tell me what you think.

I plan on reading more. Not sure about writing though. Except for my songs. heh heh.
And of course I'll tell you what I think.

Double Post:
Oh my gosh. I just finished reading The Act of Losing Hope. That was some good stuff! I agree with whinehurst. You write so much better in the third person.

When I first clicked on the link for the story and saw that it was about 5 pages, I thought, "oh boy." but as I read, I couldn't stop and some things just made me read more and more.

I plan on reading everything you have posted up here, except for the very first one on your list. I think it says something like you probably won't finish with that storyline. Something like that.

Later!.

You actually SHOULD read that, as it establishes Rue and Eddie as characters. It's something of a starter story I guess. The thing is, it's a stand alone story, but there was supposed to be a second part (with a different name) that I don't plan to do.

I was actually going to ask if that first story introduces the characters today. :)

I have to admit, I am a slow reader, I finally gotten around to read just another job, and I'll have to say, I like Lilael better then Rue. >.> She seem to be person of good humor but contemplative. For some reason I can imaging her having more variant expression wise compare to Rue, which I had always feel to be stoic.

Hey!.
I just wanted to say thanks for letting me know that I should read the other stories. I read part one and started part two, and it's really interesting.
I'll say more when I finish reading everything you wrote. heh heh. I think I might be almost halfway there.

bye for now.

Pretty good observation of them, Magi. I'm glad I got that across with Lil and Rue. Sadly, Lil doesn't get the kind of attention Rue does, but I plan to give her some very soon!

New story time! At last, Lilael gets some more attention in the first part of a story that will not only jump to Rue, but also establish Alec Burnside as a future contender for stories of his own.

Fetch it HERE! Or in the main post, as always.

Comments are appreciated. I took a lot of my first person criticism to heart, so I hope this one is a little bit more in depth. I hope. It's also been a while.

It's a great improvement, but I felt Lilael was too indifferent to the discovery of the body. Infact, the scene that followed was comical.

Overall I enjoyed it.

That's actually sort of the point. After seeing a certain amount of bodies, it really just stops being that surprising. Glad you liked it though.

I read it, but I am not sure what to say. Its interesting enough to keep me reading and finish it, and that's saying a lot for someone who usually never read. >w<;



This is a scene from the story, its fairly ambigiouse, but I think one can make a educated guess on what this is once you read the story. :3

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g2...006/lilael.jpg

Is it Ringu?

I still can't relate to the whole lesbian protagonist thing, but goddamn it if you haven't gotten the whole world and its characters down pat.

Dialogue is also great, as usual, and the ending left on a light and depressing note.

Thumbs up all around, you fucking dyke.

Whoa, gotta read this one.

And maybe do another fanart.

A review in only the way you can give it, Brad. Thanks.

Also, Vemp, MAYBE? I think you know what must be done!

Hey, dude. I just wanted to let you know that I read your newest story, Misanthrope, and to let you know I'll read any other ones you put up. I've been meaning to read it, but never was in the mood to read. You know?

And, well...I can't say much other than I liked it(like all your other writings) because I'm never good with criticism and I was never good with looking at stories, or anything else and analyzing(maybe because I look at things at a whole).

Great job. Thanks for sharing.
Later!.

Thanks for reading, Nahual. I hope you enjoy my other stories as well. Be sure to tell me what you think.

Well, fuck. This thread is kind of boned until I can find new hosting for my stories. EX-girlfriend deleted all my shit.

I hear elfwood is good for hosting.

:world lol's:

Okay, all better. New story coming soonish.

Can't wait for your new story.