Exploding Garrmondo Weiner Interactive Swiss Army Penis

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knkwzrd Jan 15, 2009 10:47 AM

Second Wind
Hit Iggy with Warlord's Favor, bonus to Arg.

No. Hard Pass. Jan 15, 2009 04:56 PM

The dwarf grunted and simply trotted over to the halfling, unloading his axe into the creature's general personage. Shortly afterwards he towered over the poisoned Mots (not something he often gets to do) and roared:

"COME SON OF JOR EL, KNEEL BEFORE KORD."

Move to O13
Bolstering Strike on Iggy
Divine Mettle on Mots.

Bradylama Jan 15, 2009 05:26 PM

Argumentus moves to the swamped Iggy, striking the tiny Halfling with the pommel of the holy sword. He turns to face the Duergar and makes his malice known. The best is saved for last.
http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h38/Bradylama/m_x.jpg

Move to M13
Reaping Strike on Iggy w/ intent to knockout
Mark Duergar

The unmovable stubborn Jan 16, 2009 01:13 AM

Clearing his head, Mots turns around and is astonished to find a tiny man poking him in the ribs. He swings his axe around wildly, trying to shoo away the pest. "Get... whoa, that thing is sharp! Careful! Hey! Yow!"

Motsognir's HP +8
Warlord's Favor: miss
Save against poison/slow succeeds


Gabe's mighty axe comes thundering down in a mighty sweep, cleaving Iggy's left arm from his body. The limb goes flying off into the corner and.... clangs? It's only a metal prosthesis!

Iggy smirks, wriggling his real arm out of his tunic.

Bolstering Strike: Critical Hit! but then Iggy uses his Second Chance. Reroll: Miss.
Already used Channel Divinity this encounter, but Soggy's fine anyway


The little man may have a fake arm, but he can't possibly have a fake head. Probably. Argumentus bonks Iggy upside the noggin, but the halfling doesn't go down.

Reaping Strike: 14 damage to Iggy
Fighters have to hit someone to mark them


Desperate to get out of the crowd, Iggy shifts southwest then moves to the corner to threaten a much softer target.

AoO from Mots/Gabe: both miss

:savepoint: Bob, Brigid, Duergar, Motsognir, Gabriel, Argumentus, Halfling


Fluffykitten McGrundlepuss Jan 16, 2009 04:05 AM

My first shot at the dwarf, meant only as a marker had landed exactly where I wanted it, about a foot to the left of the target. I was about to unleash a second, a killing blow to the temple, when the child came bursting out of the swirling melee and ran over towards me. I had little experience of dealing with children so I dealt with this hyperactive youngling the same way my mother had disciplined me, with a solid punch to the face.

Punch Iggy; in the face

Sarag Jan 16, 2009 09:56 AM

Now, I reckon you think I ain't a fit guardian to let blood be beaten about by the horde. Family gotta take care of they's own, right? I know how to handle them youngins. Let 'im go out in the world, get knocked around a bit. He's too big for his britches; he needs to learn himself some manners.

It sure done brought a tear to my eye to watch him handle himself against the three damage-dealers. He does me proud, he does. But to be soft on him now would be to lose the entire lesson. I've seen too many kids go bad because their kinfolk got soft; you can't spare the rod.

"Boy don't you make me come over there! I will whip you so hard you won't be able to sit down for a week!"

Flank Iggy on R10
Righteous Brand again, bonus to Bob

The unmovable stubborn Jan 16, 2009 12:05 PM

Quite unaccustomed to close-quarters harassment, Bob reacts instinctively and gives his assailant a knuckle sandwich. It is delicious.

Iggy punched in the face for 3 damage; bloodied

Brigid pursues her nephew across the room, knowing the matter isn't settled. You let the kid get away with threatening your life just once and before you know it he's got no respect for your authority at all. Gotta nip that in the bud.

6 damage to Iggy

The duergar backs into the next room and fires off another firebolt at Argumentus. Luckily, Arg had stooped over to examine what looked like an intriguing rock and the fireball passes overhead.

It was only a snail, as it turned out.

:savepoint: Motsognir, Gabriel, Argumentus, Halfling, Bob, Brigid, Duergar


knkwzrd Jan 16, 2009 12:39 PM

Motsognir went after the bloodied halfling, not wanting to be anywhere near the only member of the other party who had dealt any significant damage yet.

Move to Q9
Bloody Ending

No. Hard Pass. Jan 16, 2009 01:13 PM

The dwarf hefted his axe up onto his shoulder and moved slowly around the fire towards the Duergar. The flames licked his features, smoke curling around his heavy armour as he glanced over his shoulder towards the bloody mess that was the halfling. He shook his head at the dismantling of the small creature, finally turning his glance back to the grey dwarf.

"The battle is over, spell-spit. I could sever your head from your shoulders, but Kord takes no joy in the useless destruction of a creature outside the fires of war. There's no glory in leaving you a broken corpse in a derelict building. One final chance to walk away from this before the inevitable."

His tone was even, less a threat as simply pointing out what was obviously going to come to pass.

Move to L10.
Intimidate on Duergar because he's a dead man walking.

Bradylama Jan 16, 2009 03:58 PM

NO ESCAPE NO SURRENDER

Argumentus moves to H12
Reaping Strike on Duergar

The unmovable stubborn Jan 16, 2009 11:05 PM

Motsognir traps Iggy against the south wall, driving the flat of his axeblade into the halfling's skull until the boy is a good inch or two shorter.

Bloody Ending: 26 damage, Iggy killed knocked the fuck out

Gabriel makes one last attempt to frighten the duergar away. The gray dwarf seems prepared to deliver the same sort of cocky retort as before, but then his shoulders sag.

"Aye. Iggy there's got what they paid us, anyway, and I don't expect you'll be letting me take my share out of his pack. There'll be another time to get what's comin' to me. Best of luck with your little prize."

He turns and walks out of a hole in the north wall, and disappears into the night.

Intimidate: Success! (you lucky fuck)

VICTORY: 1000 XP (200 XP each)

No. Hard Pass. Jan 16, 2009 11:12 PM

The dwarf let himself relax for a moment, taking a deep breath and slinging his axe up across his shoulders.

"Well, that was a bonny bit of fuck you, wasn't it?"

With a shake of his head, he wandered off towards the doppleganger's body. He picked up the Paladin's armour with a certain reverence, muttering under his breath and sighing resignedly.

They'd have to check on Lord Broden. Make sure the man was dead, and if so, see that he was buried properly. Until then, time to check the dropped items of the dead. They'd have no further use for them.

Sarag Jan 16, 2009 11:26 PM

I bring Iggy to the fire and do my best to make him comfortable. He's going to have a humdinger of a headache when he wakes up, and I hate to see kids suffer too much.

Sometimes I wonder if I don't spoil 'em.

Overhearing the dwarf, I search Iggy's bag and take three quarters of his gold. Misadventure shouldn't be rewarded, but he did earn his share, all the same. He stood against a group that stood against a dragon, after all.

Family tended to, I check on the rest of the horde, thanking each one in turn for not giving the boy an easy ride. I'm sure they understand, most of them are barely youths still themselves.

While we're resting up, I decide to brew a healing potion. The reagents are weighing me down and each battle makes me feel sore I haven't used them yet. I guess I'm getting forgetful in my old age.

Bradylama Jan 16, 2009 11:38 PM

Argumentus sets about categorizing and organizing the loot of their fallen foes.

The unmovable stubborn Jan 16, 2009 11:50 PM

Gabriel gathers up Broden's effects.

+1 Magic Plate Armor

Brigid takes 3/4 of the cash, then sets to a bit of chemistry.

375 GP

Argumentus painstakingly gathers up every other potentially-useful item on the bodies (both unconscious and dead), sorting it into little piles.

Dagger: 1
Short Sword: 2
Hand Crossbow: 1

Leather Armor: 3

Thieves' Tools: 1
Crossbow Bolts: 10

Lv. 3 Vial of Bloodstinger Poison: 1
Lv. 1 Vial of Antivenom: 1

Bounty Notice: 1

Cash: 125 GP remaining


Sarag Jan 17, 2009 12:01 AM

"Let Iggy keep his weapons, giant man-golem. He has to leave in one piece too, we're not taking him."

I take the rest of the cash and stuff it back in his pack, and distribute 50 gp each to the party. then I think better of it and take another 25gp from Iggy as "aunt taxes".

I also take the antivenom.

No. Hard Pass. Jan 17, 2009 12:04 AM

The dwarf stashed the plate armour onto his pack, tying it down. He refused to wear it until he knew Broden was dead. He'd wear the man's plate in reverence, but not as a thief.

He picked up the bloodstinger poison and then shook his head and set it back down. Poison was simply not his way. He did point it out to Argumentus, though. So long as he didn't drink the damn thing, it'd be a nice usage for him.

He did, however, take the bounty notice. And the 50 gp Brigid offered with a nod of his head.

"Sorry for your kinsman."

Sarag Jan 17, 2009 12:09 AM

"Don't fret about it. He's a tough boy, just a little wet behind the ears. Thanks for not cutting off his arm."

No. Hard Pass. Jan 17, 2009 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by a lurker (Post 674694)
"Don't fret about it. He's a tough boy, just a little wet behind the ears. Thanks for not cutting off his arm."

The dwarf grunted and stood up, hoisting his monstrously heavy pack up onto his shoulders and shrugging.

"Well, if you taught him that fake arm trick, he owes you a lot more than your bloody finder's fee."

He sighed and glanced at the door, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"At least one of us should really check in on Broden."

Sarag Jan 17, 2009 12:24 AM

I had wanted to go check on the lord as well, seein' as though he probably ain't made it and he needs a proper funeral. But I also need to be seein' what Iggy knew; once the body's in the ground the survivors will be wantin' revenge, and I owe it to them that they get it, what with my blood possibly being responsible for the slaying.

"Skull dwarf! You believe in a pile of stovewood as a god, but he's still a god. Can you give final rites? I reckon I'd like to talk to my kin for awhile, and it might be better if he wasn't surrounded by men fiendin' after a funeral. I'll stay behind if you can see that man gets tended to."

I pick up Brody's religious icon and tossed it Gabe's way. "On th' other hand, you should probably send him to his proper maker. I ain't like to see a soul deviate from Melora's path, but Bahamut is just as good as Kord in my eyes."

No. Hard Pass. Jan 17, 2009 12:29 AM

The dwarf fought back the urge to roll his eyes. "A woman's god for a woman's work."

He did, however, catch the holy icon and slide it into his belt. He glanced at Argumentus and cocked his head. "Oi, Notorious B.I.G. Feel like paying a visit to our benefactor to make sure he isn't bleeding to death? We can all meet up at the Inn when we're finished. I imagine we could all use about four days of sleep."

He unfolded the bounty notice and read it while he waited. If it was signed by Broden or something, he wasn't going to bother checking on him.

Sarag Jan 17, 2009 12:39 AM

"Have some respect for the dead! Ain't nothin' womanly about sendin' a man home. If you don't understand that, you don't deserve to wear that fist."

Bradylama Jan 17, 2009 12:42 AM

"Uh?" Argumentus responds with a nod.

Argumentus folds up the three leather armors and stows them in his pack. He also pockets the antivenom and the GP. Picking up the bounty notice, Argumentus taps Gabriel on the shoulder so he can help him with the big words.

No. Hard Pass. Jan 17, 2009 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bradylama (Post 674709)
"Uh?" Argumentus responds with a nod.

Argumentus folds up the three leather armors and stows them in his pack. He also pockets the antivenom and the GP. Picking up the bounty notice, Argumentus taps Gabriel on the shoulder so he can help him with the big words.

The dwarf took the bounty notice, which he had apparently not been reading earlier, and read it for Argumentus. He paused to glance over his shoulder and comment to Brigid:

"Fine, fine. But if he's not dead, we'll need your touch to heal him. It's best if you come along. We can give you ten minutes with your kin."

knkwzrd Jan 17, 2009 01:43 AM

Motsognir, took his share of gold and, fancying himself the closest thing the party had to a jack-of-all-trades, also picked up the thieves' tools.

He was ready to go to bed.


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