I got this thing, this
rectangle-ish paper in the letter box the other day, some new pizza joint has apparently opened up in a town far, far away and charges $25 for a single pizza when any other place will give you about seven hundred thousand buckets of grease and lice smeared on a base for half that. But they had all these weirdo toppings! ONION PIZZA. HOW 'YA LIKE THAT ONION? "Onion's okay" HAVE A WHOLE ONION PIZZA, TRAPPED IN THE CHEESE. "That sounds a bit boring and creepy" TWENTY FIVE BUUUUCCKS.
So I've decided to open up my own pizza place and make an all-in-one topping. Fuck those Pizza Hut/Joe Gas Station meal deals that come with dessert as an
extra. Pffft, ttbbgghh, monocle. It already has dried red, how delightful! It's spread pretty thin though, we're gonna need to thicken this up.
It really lives up to its name!
Having a serious lack of stuff in the kitchen before preparing this didn't help, I mean, I don't even have any meat! But if ONION PIZZA can exist, then whatever.
Well this order of spreading didn't quite work out.
Strawberry conserve? More like strawberry flaming homosexual parade on the moon am I right.
It's just one big lump of goo. ;__;
Chuck on some syrup for good luck.
This may look like a mystery, but it's actually a bag of cheese! Really,
really old cheese. It's not even real cheese, it's some kind of plastic. Plastic in plastic.
On they gooooo! ='D
It's lookin' real good now.
I only have one tomato, gotta make it count.
"COUNT"
"One, two, thre-"
DUCKULAAAAAA.
This'll do I guess. It's like the Disney Land of pizzas now - fucking scary.
Gotta pour that garlic salt on for delicious heart attacks. The yellow-ish powder stuff is ginger!
I'll love Coles Pineapple? Really?
Sure is wet.
OOOOOHHHH~~
Yeah, dump it all in the middle. That'll be fine!
MORE CHEESE TIME.
Due to the critical lack of meat, I've turned to tuna once again. LEMON PEPPER flavour, it's very fancy. Only sea slugs can smell it in the sky and dig them out with their hunting fangs. Restaurants charge close to $90,000 for one piece. And that's just for the tin.
This pizza has gathered a lot of juice, perhaps gravy mix will be of good use.
For gravy.
And the secret herb and/or spice.
Oh yeah there are some prunes on there too.
NOW WE COCK IT.
Time passes
I'M HOT.
You sure are, pizza! I-... I love you!
Bad end. It's very difficult to cut, the melted M&Ms and various other layers of death have made it very sticky!
You can really taste the mess.
Delicious! Imagine a pool of chewed up bits of garbage and saliva on the plate. While you're eating dinner!
THIS IS OFFICIALLY NOT FOOD.
I'VE CREATED A MONSTER. ALL I CAN TASTE IS THE FUCKING SHAVING CREAM.
Even the CRUST was impossible to consume, like biting BRICKS made of SUPERMAN AND KONAMI CODE.
This situation is serious, I shall bag the remains for further adventures. Stay tuned!
I hope the real replacements are exactly the same. But with lasers.