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samari's

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Oct 14, 2008 - 04:18 PM

I'm tired of lies.

I'm so fucking tired of people lying to my face about things.

I'm not stupid, I know you're lying. Why can you just not admit it when I ask you?

And this person wonders why I can't trust them 100% completely.

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[public entry #12]

Oct 13, 2008 - 02:47 PM

Trying to be strong.

I broke up with my latest ex of almost 7 months last week. He's taking this pretty roughly; he thought (and still thinks) that I'm the one for him. I don't; but then again, I don't know who is "the one" yet.

In one of our many talks that we have had, he's told me that I saved him when we first met. He was in a bad state, fairly depressed, almost getting back into the drug scene and who knows what else. He's said that because of me, he's a changed person now, for the better, and will never go back to his old lifestyle. That's a pretty good feeling, right?

Well, he's taking this breakup so hard that he's almost committed suicide. More than once.

I know I can't be held responsible for his actions, and I can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to. But I've already kept him from doing things to himself several times since the breakup and I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I've thought about just giving up on it and letting him deal with it himself, even though he doesn't really have anyone to turn to.

But then there's a part of me that knows I can help him through this, and not to give up. I've been able to help him so far, who's to say that I won't be able to help him again? I'm trying to focus on myself for once, but I can't, in a good conscience, let him do anything to hurt himself if I know that I have the power or ability to stop it.

I've thought about getting him into a hospital, but he brought up some good points on why not to: he's already on a fine line of work and paying bills, and he doesn't want all of his stuff to get evicted. And he can't turn to his parents, they're not willing to help him out either. He's been in this situation before from a breakup, and he went into a hospital for a little over a month. I even called his parents about this, because I was worried. His mom said he'd eventually get over it and that she was sorry that I had to deal with this. She also made it seem like she wasn't a good mother or that she did something wrong to cause all of this =/.

I just want to know how far I'm going to have to go with this. I'm not giving up, I refuse to. But there is such a fine line between letting go and giving up...I just wish I knew where that was. This whole situation has been nothing but unnecessary added stress for me. However, like I already mentioned, I'm not going to just walk away if I still have a chance to make a difference.

What to do, what to do...

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[public entry #11]

Mar 12, 2008 - 07:18 AM

Over.

Over, after 3 years.

I'm not sure if I'm still kind of in shock or what, but I'm taking this a lot better than I thought I would be. I guess it's good that it ended on mutual terms. I wonder if we'll still be friends...

(5 comments)

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[public entry #10]

Mar 8, 2008 - 04:33 AM

I'm falling for a guy...

And it's not my current boyfriend.

I don't know what to do.

(10 comments)

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[public entry #9]

Mar 7, 2008 - 09:34 AM

Gechmir, you missed out =(

Poor picture I know, but it was the best I could do with a phone camera.

Spoiler:

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[public entry #8]

Mar 4, 2008 - 06:30 AM

Quick but important recap:

- My friend who lives in a different city was feeling suicidal, I tried to help him out, he continued being emo, I didn't hear from him for a few days, got worried, then I got a message from him today saying that he's doing better. He's a tad on the psycho side, which is why I got scared he might actually do it.

- I played tennis over the weekend and managed to fall down on myself (lol), hilarity ensues, I scrape up my knee and my hand, and it hurts like a bitch. I am continually reminded of how I fail at motor skills.

- I won free movie tickets by being the fifth caller to a local radio station; that's the first thing I've ever actually WON. Of course, I called while on the clock at work, which isn't THAT bad, right?

- I spent over an hour looking for said radio station today, come to realize I typed in the wrong address in google maps, went home, vented, and found the right directions. I get to the radio station a little after 6, and of course, they're locked up for the night.

- I was productive today, for the first time in a while. Folded laundry, paid bills, got my car's oil changed (which I've put off for several months), shopped for groceries, minor cleaning/housekeeping, sent off financial aid request.

- Started talking to a guy on myspace, who lives in Dallas and is moving to Austin next month, which is only 30 min from where I'll be moving to in two months. We've literally been texting nonstop since 5pm Sunday.

I think that's all the excitement in my life for now, stay tuned for updates!

EDIT:

(2 comments)

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[public entry #7]

Feb 25, 2008 - 07:26 PM

Got my DS today.

<3.

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[public entry #6]

Feb 24, 2008 - 02:17 PM

I must be crazy.

40 hours of work in the past 3 days. This is typical every weekend. =/

I really, REALLY should quit one of my jobs, theres no way that this is good for me. I think as soon as I get my bonus from one job (which should be here in the next month), I'll leave. Is that a bad thing, to only be staying with the company until I get my phat bonus and then check out?

Eh, whatever. The sooner I leave, the sooner my body will stop hating me =P.

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[public entry #5]

Feb 21, 2008 - 07:05 AM

Three year anniversary.

Today was my boyfriend and I's three year anniversary of being together.

We didn't even really spend it together except for about an hour this morning, after I got off my overnight job (from about 9am til 10am). Then I was out until 10pm, and he had worked all day. I got about 30 minutes of time with him after I woke up, then I had to leave for my job (which I'm at now) at aroudn 10:45.

Typical day in our lives right now. Exciting huh?

I guess I should be happy that we've made it this far; three years is nothing to be ashamed of.

And what a three years it has been.

:reminisces:

[1]

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[public entry #4]

Feb 18, 2008 - 07:42 PM

In which samari explains himself

So, here's where I've been for the last while.

I have two jobs. One, is for a giant retail giant (~~Wal-Mart~~ which shall remain nameless), where I average about 20 hours a week during the afternoons/evenings. I usually work about 4:30-9 there. This used to be my only job, but alas, I needed more income, so I picked up another one.

My other job is overnight at a help desk for a local networking company, where I babysit a phone in case if it ever rings. I get about one call per week, on average. Here I work 11pm-8am Monday night through Saturday morning.

On days where I work both jobs, I get about 4-5 hours of sleep.

That's been my life for the past few months. I didn't think I could handle two jobs at first, but it really hasn't been all that bad for me. And the extra income has been VERY helpful. But I digress.

I still haven't been back to school yet (for those that remember), but I'm FINALLY going back to college in the summer. Not here in town though, at Texas State, about 2 hours from here. I came to an agreement with my parents, and they'll be helping me out finally. I can't tell you all how excited I am to fuckin' finish up my degree.

You know, its funny, when I started posting here I was still in school, and then I had the whole blow-up with my parents, who ironically were reading my journal on here.

Wow, I can't even remember where I was going with this.

THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN TOO RANDOM, I AM ENDING IT NOW.

[2]

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[public entry #3]

Feb 17, 2008 - 10:40 AM

Next up:

I need a sig/avatar. Anybody want to help a samari out?

Currently Playing: When you were a Starlight - team9

[1]

(8 comments)

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[public entry #2]

Feb 16, 2008 - 05:51 AM

Uh.

Wow. I can't remember the last time I was on here. Over a year maybe?

So, uh, what's up? What sorts of drama have I been missing out on?

I'm glad to see

is still around.

[1]

(14 comments)

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[public entry #1]

samari's

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