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Misogynyst Gynecologist's Journal

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"Remember that you must behave in life as at a dinner party. Is anything brought around to you? Put out your hand and take your share with moderation. Does it pass by you? Don't stop it. Is it not yet come? Don't stretch your desire towards it, but wait till it reaches you. Do this with regard to children, to a wife, to public posts, to riches, and you will eventually be a worthy partner of the feasts of the gods. And if you don't even take the things which are set before you, but are able even to reject them, then you will not only be a partner at the feasts of the gods, but also of their empire." - The Enchiridion, Epictetus

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Jul 27, 2013 - 05:00 PM
My family holds a dark secret...
My 11 year old cousin is a troll on Black Ops 2.

His tactic (which he stole from YouTube and thinks it made him a genius) is to camp in corners and rooms, set up a Bouncing Betty outside, drop a turret drone and then hide behind a riot shield with a shotgun. He then... runs his mouth (no cursing, but still all arrogant) over the PS3 camera, because he doesn't have a mic and it picks up all the ambient noise in the room and...

Okay. Deep breath.

I tried to explain to him that trolling isn't something you should lean on. Once in a while to dick off, sure but... He's 11. You can't get through his head.

Well, GFF, I am now in an auspicious place. He's going away for two weeks and I have free access to his PS3 account.

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE, GFF.

Obviously I dont want to ban his PS3 account but I am thinking about just fucking up his killscore ratio completely. Cosmic thoughts, gentlemen?


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[public entry #883]

Jul 18, 2013 - 08:38 AM
As An Atheist...
Could the Internet (and those that identify with it personally) stop turning atheism into a religion? The fact that you don’t believe in God is in its self a belief system which is the very thing you’re rallying against. You are worshiping when you make constant posts, constant updates, constant internet meme reblogs, constant middle school smarmy blather empty of individual thought… and you look stone, stick stupid as you do it, like the person who laughs at a joke without getting the punchline.

Stop it.


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[public entry #882]

Jun 16, 2013 - 12:46 PM
Man Of Steel Review In Short
2/3rds of the film is the 2009 Star Trek film: the villain travels through a hole in space/time to pursue the hero as he finds his way in the world and the bad guys attack from a claw-ship with a beam weapon that will destroy the world.

The rest is the memorable reveals or climaxes from Independence Day (slamming an airplane into an alien ship with a charging beam weapon), The Matrix (growing people in huge vine-like tubes), The Matrix Revolutions (the whole final fight), Avengers (the fight ends in a damn recreation of Grand Central Station), Superman from '78 and Superman Returns (Lois is again a Pulitzer Prize winner). It suffers from all the same issues Skyfall does, in that all it is is a reaction to the previous installment and going the opposite direction and swipes a bunch of ideas along the way. The most obvious is Zod's obsession with "purpose" mirroring Agent Smith's in the Matrix sequels down to the final battle in a ditch where he screams about it before the hero kills him. And the whole final battle in the city, down to the dramatic zoom in as they run at each other.

I am incredibly - almost to the point of being overwhelmed - upset over the fact that as Metropolis explodes in a veritable orgy of death and endlessly falling buildings borrowed from Inception that Superman concentrates on fighting stupid liquid metal robot arms and yet another villain who only emotes with his mouth... instead of *saving people*. That alone speaks volumes about how much they don't understand what they're doing here: instead of standing for the people of the city, he helps demolish it in a one on one slugfest that culminates in breaking a moral code.

I felt abused and put down half way through, the finale battle was hopelessly angry and without reasoning. All of it was just a depressing, hopeless mess. I kid you not when I say I felt relief walking out of the theater and an immense swell of depression. I feel sick.

I was never huge into the Donner movies and actually don't like the humor in them but I think they got a lot of other things right. Like the tone for the town of Smallville or Chris Reeves's almost Shakespearian intonations of how a hero talks. All those little things that they got right in tone are what they purposely avoided in this film and that's like tossing the baby with the bath water.

I yearn for the age of Die Another Day or Highlander: Endgame, where when I was going to a bad movie, I could at least laugh through it.

I need a nap and some Advil.


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[public entry #881]

May 23, 2013 - 05:08 AM
Words About Into Darkness
I didn't *hate* Star Trek Into Darkness and that's really the most praise I can find for it. I suppose that is a step-up considering everyone alive knows I thought the last film was a train wreck for various reasons both legitimate and not. But yes, I went in expecting it to be the science fiction Ishtar and found a mildly distracting summer movie with no brains in its head.

If you saw the last film, its really more of the same. They minimized the weakest points of the 2009 film (Scotty's alien buddy is mostly absent this time, thank the fuck Christ) and adapted the characters into more formed if not complete figures that have some semblance of their original characters (which leads one to ask why bother rebooting?)

The biggest strength I can find with it is that despite the BIG VILLAIN REVEAL (stomps foot three times) half way through the film - the film isn't a Star Trek II remake. It has more to do with my favorite Original Series episode "Obsession", where Kirk hunts down a sentient cloud vapor thats been killing people for years. Its a thin Moby Dick analogy, which the franchise will overuse as the years ago on but unlike the rest of its incarnations, Kirk actually learns something in this film and in that TOS episode. The big moral is basically "your desire for revenge will be what undoes everything else" and its learned by more than one character in this film. And thats something that should be applauded as its actual character growth and less about yet another action scene.

But then you have the writers...

The writers on these last two Trek movies are akin to surgeons who opens you up, poke around to find the problem, doesn't fix or change anything and then refuses to stitch you up. Robert Orci, Damon Lindelof and Alex Kurtzman have every idea of what they want to do but no idea how to go about it. The result is an intriguing first half that explosively decompresses in the second half. Once the audience finds out that Harrison is Khan, it comes apart in such a spectacular fashion, I am at a loss to think of an equal. First off, and perhaps most importantly, theres no reason for it to *actually* be Khan, The writers essentially robbed themselves of creating their first "heavy" character (Lets face it, Nero in 2009 was a very bad/stupid foil and is a thinly cloaked attempt to legitimize the reboot by using a TNG bad guy) by making him the most recognized villain in the series (who is suddenly British? Why? ask people with functioning synapses) and thus robbing it of any individuality. There is no reason for Khan in the story except to pander to people who sort of know who he is but not enough to be angry about it (As someone else brilliantly pointed out: see also General Zod in Superman movies). Its the writing equivalent of product promotion.

There is also a 9/11 analogy involved this time around. Basically that the events of the previous movie push Starfleet into being a more military force and later on there is a ship that crashes into a city and so on. Now, how each person deals with this sort of plot point is on them but for me, it doesn't work. Its many years too late and its blundered about as badly as it was in 2006's Superman Returns. The United States no longer self-identifies with the 9/11 events in so much as needing direct analogy; we're in a post-9/11 world, not a current one. And so, as art should be a product of its time, I'm at a loss as to what the meaning was to do this. A good friend of mine suggested this film was about how the events of 9/11 didn't matter as much as our response to it - a point which I agree on - but even then, its a point which is nearly a decade too old. Why are we being told this *now*? And its especially redundant since an entire season of Enterprise dealt with this in 2003. They're ten years too late once again.

(And for those keeping score, the three writers behind this newest film are responsible for the following: Cowboys & Aliens, Prometheus, the Lost TV series, the Michael Bay Transformers series, The Island, The Legend Of Zorro and one of them produced the horrible movie Eagle Eye. Has the human imagination ever before produced such a wasteland of unmitigated shit? Coleman Francis's films are suddenly looking a bit better.)

As to the bad guy in this film, and I realize that I'm against the grain on this but Cumberpatch was awful. He over enunciates every word, acting only with how he moves his mouth. When Hugo Weaving did this for the Matrix movies, it was with a bit of camp in mind but this is played straight and without anything "behind it". This time, it reminded me a lot of Bruce Payne's bad guy in the hilariously awful Dungeons & Dragons movie: overly preening and as threatening as a case of indigestion. I am not threatened because someone has a deep voice, I am threatened by *presence*, which this character (and actor, by proxy) had none of. Kahn in the original incarnation was more about physicality and intellect while Benedict is simply a talking metrosexual head. As a character and as a bit of acting, Into Darkness understands nothing about what Khan is suppose to be - which is telling of the story as a whole. If you can't get the villain right, wheres the jeopardy? (Hollywood: when guys go to an action movie, the villain shouldn't be someone your girlfriend finds attractive. We're not threatened by boyish men whos faces and jawlines look as streamlined as a speedboat. Character actors with years of experience on stage and screen carry way more weight than a thirty-something model beauty. Remember William Sadler in Die Hard 2? Or what about Christopher Walken? )

And I walked out of the theater thinking of that line from Star Trek VI: "Is it possible, that we two, you and I, have become so old and inflexible that we have outlived our usefulness?".

With these last two films defining the series (and directed by someone who has repeatedly said isn't into Star Trek either) I do not know if Star Trek is "my thing" anymore. I don't think I can identify or even agree with the story choices and writing style these films are going in. To borrow from a Chris Hedge's book subtitle, these films seen to be "the end of literacy and the triumph of spectacle". Yes, this film did have something to it - something to actually SAY - but it wasn't nearly enough; the movies before 2009 (well, perhaps not Nemesis or First Contact, we can argue about that later) had stronger moral statements. This is more about "lets make things explode in space and if we have time, we can squeeze some moral stuff in". The message is the thing, always - and though it had more message than the last film, that isn't nearly enough to call it Star Trek either.

I'm not as angry as I was when I left the theater in 2009 but maybe I've simply grown so disappointed, anything would look better now?


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[public entry #880]

Apr 7, 2013 - 12:39 PM
My Quote For The Year
Quote:
"You are a success in life if you can have as an adult want you always wanted as a child." - Harlan Ellison
As I've gotten older, I've been becoming increasingly unenthusiastic about gaming as a whole. It just wasn't connecting with me and a lot of the games I was interested were huge time sinks that I couldn't really invest in. The days of coming home and banging out 9 hours of random battles to level up on Final Fantasy 7 are long over unfortunately.

However, with my birthday about to come up last month, I decided to eschew the modern consoles and fire up the stuff I have on my PC. I'm having more fun with games made 15 years ago than anything made in the last whatever. TIE Fighter, Jedi Outcast, Chrono Trigger, Ocarina Of Time... I've bought a good amount of shit in the last month and for not much money. I got a sealed copy of X-Wing Vs TIE Fighter for $10 on EBay, fer crissake.

Yesterday, I went to a small retro game store and turned in a tall stack of PS2 and Xbox 360 games that I had lost interest in or just didn't like. In return, I picked up a N64 and the PS1 Final Fantasy Origins disc and I still have something like $25 credit there. (I had hoped they had Twilight Princess or Wind Waker for GC to no avail). I sort of feel bad for turning in my Collector's Edition FF12 but I barely played it.

I'm planning on going back to grabbing N64 games (recommendations welcome, right now all I want is the Star Wars stuff) and PS1 games.

So, yeah, retro gaming and regressing to 1999 makes me very, very happy.


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[public entry #879]

Feb 7, 2013 - 04:46 PM
LIFE UPDATE - Or Haha, no really, no one gives a shit
Therapy: I was in and out of therapy for the last year and am currently "out", as my therapist got kind of weird on me. Hard to explain; he wasn't being adversarial at all but he also wasn't being particularly professional. It just wasn't much of a good match and its time I find someone else.

Before I left, he gave me an early diagnosis. The first thing he said is "You're pretty much fine. But you're probably the most lost person I've met in my entire career." He then tells me that I probably have Borderline Personality Disorder but that its so tough to diagnose and so easily confused with Bipolar 2 that he didn't want to bet the farm on it. However, he also thinks I'm suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress, which I definitely am showing signs of. Nothing major - he said even if I have either of these, they're not alarmingly debilitating yet and won't ever be if I stay on top of it all - but that its definitely affecting my quality of life in certain ways.

Most of it seems to be my "splitting", which I guess is doctor talk for "black and white thinking"; shit is either right or wrong and there ain't no grey area (or, get this, things can be "grey area" but can't be definitively right or wrong). Also mood swings that he says don't require medication but do require some work on. He said I'm "over-controlled" of myself and that when something "actually dramatic" happens, my "control" can't process it so my brain swings in the opposite direction and HA HA HA YOU FEEL EVERYTHING FROM THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF AT ONCE. I rely too much on my intellect and not enough on my "very evolved intuition" - which again, is a form of "splitting".

Work: I dislike my job OF THE LAST 11 YEARS but there is a prospect in the works. I could be moving across country. It would be for an employer that some people here would be VERY ENVIOUS OF but I can't and won't say who until everything is official. Right now, the guy was like

"Hey, you want a job?"

And I'm like "Yeah, sure".

So its not like anything is signed in blood yet. Nor do I know anything about what the position entails or pay but it has to be better than what I have now.

What scares me though is if I leave Connecticut... I have no reason of returning. The cost of living here is INSANE and my family has really split apart after the deaths of my grandparents and after my mom married her dickhead boyfriend this fall. All my friends are married and got kids and live in other states and I'm still the guy typing on Gamingforce and playing Chrono Trigger and doing the same things he was doing in 2002.

Seris called it "regressing". I call it "I give up".

Women: I've got two girls crawling on me lately. One is an old hat that, while very nice and polite, is very immature in a lot of ways. She never grew out of her goth phase and still smokes pot regularly and as a long term thing isn't good at all. The other girl, to sum her up, looked at me and said "I like how you lean, Jordan Catalano" where upon I realized I was in further than ankle deep. Shes a very nice girl but she has a kid and is living at home and, I think, again, too "young" for me.

Oh and I was involved in a polygamy set-up for all of three minutes last year. That was HILARIOUS. Nothing even happened, so don't get your hopes up on some seedy stories. But its a hilarious opener at parties.

Then Amanda "came back" into my life last week. Almost a year to the day she told me to fuck off forever or she'd call the cops (and probably throwing out that signed William Gibson book I gave her), she sent me an email saying "I still love you" which jolted me awake like a pot of coffee and an open bottle of Tabasco up my ass.

It won't work out. It never will. We traded some brief emails which were full of subtexts and as much as I love the dickens (what does that even mean? Charles Dickens?) out of that girl, I don't have the energy to go into something heavy, only to have another full blown breakdown (did I forget to mention I had a near-psychotic split a couple of years back?). We've parted pretty amicably, leaving the door open for emergencies but not random or regular emails. I'm fine with that for now and should continue to be so long as I don't drink vodka and look at old pictures of her. The door closed gently.

A bit of good news was seeing Plarom, Seris and Temari a couple of weeks back and we all went to eat and drink and be merry. I've missed you guys. <3

I hope everyone else is doing better than I am.


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[public entry #878]

Jan 25, 2013 - 12:24 PM
Dear Neil Gaiman, Shut Up Already
Let me be frank about something so we can cut to the meat of things, skipping the filling potatoes or the opening appetizers. I do not like Neil Gaiman. I never have. His material is middling and often "fantasy lite", something like a step up from JK Rowling and thirty flights down from a Susan Cooper, Ursula Le Guin or Robert E Howard. He is much like Tim Burton: all wallpaper and little framework.

Now, thats not to say that people who like them are idiots. You can certainly like something (good OR bad) of your own volition and thats fine. But what is important is liking something for what it is and not building it up to something that it isn't.

Gaiman doesn't really present anything new. To his credit, new ideas are very, very tough and not many authors do them with any sort of frequency. I'm sure he doesn't sit down at his typewriter and wonder what storylines he can swipe from something else. However, he has a fanbase where people worship him as some kind of writing deity that speaks to their souls. That may speak more to his fanbase than his writing but all the same, he is known for his work and its not anything anyone makes it out to be. Enjoyable? Yes. Meaningful? Ehhhhhh...

The other week, Neil gave a well-meaning commencement speech at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia. You can read the whole thing on the Huffington Post. Part of that speech contained the following:

Quote:
"When things get tough, this is what you should do: Make good art. I'm serious. Husband runs off with a politician -- make good art. Leg crushed and then eaten by a mutated boa constrictor -- make good art. IRS on your trail -- make good art. Cat exploded -- make good art. Someone on the Internet thinks what you're doing is stupid or evil or it's all been done before -- make good art."
No, Neil, thats not how art works.

Whats most frustrating about this is that his words have very good intentions. "Where you see cynicism, add optimism" and so forth. That is a good message and one that, if he worded it so, I'd applaud him for (as an ever-fighting cynic myself). The problem is, he tells people to "make art".

Yes, Neil, I'll go out into the world and do just that.

The thing is "art is hard" (as Harlan Ellison put it, somehow not swearing in a sentence), and that most people don't have the talent for it, nor do they know what "good" art is. I'm not saying what you "like", which is a subjective concept, I'm talking about "good" which is an entirely different meaning. Good art is a deft hand, a long time working at the skill, an incredible wealth of innate talent and - get this - a lot of fucking failure beforehand. Art is probably the most sacrificial thing a person can do short of throwing their life down to help another person. Art is the greatest creative act as its a person throwing himself out in the world and saying "Here I am". There is also a uniform acknowledgement behind the person's material: you may not like Andy Warhol's output but he's acknowledged for his original ideas and craftwork.

Art is probably the most difficult thing in the world. Most people who are identified as artists are there more as a job but not for art its self. These are talented, hardworking people who deserve our respect for being able to do what they do - but are they artists? The fact that there is a word that can now just as easily lump Rob Liefeld in with Pablo Picasso or The Lourve and Banksy shows that people often don't get the difference - and if I have to tell you why two of those things are not art, please never talk to me again.

In the end, as well intentioned as his speech was, Gaiman just doesn't fucking get it. At his age and with his mindset, I don't think he ever will either. If art is so easy to make, then it would have very little value - which is sort of why American culture has been a quagmire of worthless shit for decades. Michael Bay (not an artist) makes movies that are slam-bang shoot-em-ups with no lasting value while Terrence Malick makes sweeping, difficult movies that are meant to be felt instead of understood and... well, you know which sort HE is.

We have beaten the definition of "art" and "artist" until it is a flat, meaningless word. Art is not about the output an artist makes, it is about the intention of expression of a human being to another in an abstraction like music, photography, painting, sketching, cinema or other mediums. But because you can throw some paint on a canvas or you got a degree in film studies or you can explain Dadaism to your community college friends, people presume you are an artist. No, you can be many things - likely you are either an ankle-deep intellectual or someone who uses "tools" - but you aren't an artist.

Here is a rough litmus test:

Does your output express something greater than yourself?

Is what you're doing something to better or improve the world around you?

Are you attempting - or are you simply illustrating / composing / typing / etc?

Now, if you're just writing or doodling or whatever, I will never, ever look down on you for it. You're probably better at it than I am. I probably admire you for your talents but ... no, you're probably not an artist either. I know a very few handful of people in 31 years who actually qualify for that - my friend Michelle does painting and sketching and it is probably her first, best form of expression - she is an artist. But thats rare. Because good art is rare. And rarity means it should be appreciated, not demanded of or conjoled at a formal university gathering. Art does not come from that sort of place.

Here is a much better mentality than anything Gaiman said. In a written letter, film director John Hughes wrote to his penpal Alison Byrne Fields saying...

Quote:
"Do you like the way you write? Please yourself. I'm rather fond of writing. I actually regard it as fun. Do it frequently and see if you can't find the fun in it that I do."
http://wellknowwhenwegetthere.blogsp...hn-hughes.html

Now thats a good suggestion. Do it for the sake of doing it. Do it for yourself. Do it for pleasure, do it for self-expression, do it to be understood (and alternately, do it so you understand yourself better).

Do not do it for art. You're not that person. And neither is Neil Gaiman.

Be that someone who writes, not types.


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[public entry #877]

Nov 11, 2012 - 03:59 PM
Skyfall: A Review In Brief (Spoilers)
Wow. What a boring bit of film that was. All plot convince, no connecting tissues and so much of it was swiped from The Dark Knight. Long periods of people standing around talking and not doing; every smidge of an idea that could be cool goes nowhere.

Bond is shot and falls off a train! Awesome!

Then he's shown banging some chick. Wait, what? And after uranium tipped bullets? That only three people in the world use?

I'm not angry at it like I was with Prometheus but Jesus what a sucker I feel for going into this.

The biggest fault it has is that it straddles old Bond (cars with gadgets, quirky one-liners, self-referential jokes) with the style of the last two but they don't ever mix. So it can't decide which it should be and, yet, why would you go back to the old 007 movies? The reason the last two were so good was because they WEREN'T like the others.

Also: Kimono Dragon fight = Rancor pit fight. Same exact thing.

I can't believe this got a 92% on Rotten Tomatoes. I'd give it a 50%, maybe. Probably more of a 45%.


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[public entry #876]

Nov 10, 2012 - 07:48 AM
Every (hilarious) Conversation I Have With Seris
YouTube Video

Sometimes she starts it, sometimes I do but it always comes down to my calling her a "bisssh".


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[public entry #875]

Nov 7, 2012 - 08:48 AM
Patrick Stewart Doesn't Want To Be Involved


Play a fun game and caption all their reactions!


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[public entry #874]


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