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Sian's Journal

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Apr 27, 2006 - 02:22 PM
Beginning of the end
Well to cut a long story short my nana has cancer, it has now spread to her brain so she'll never be "normal" again. She's acting like a lost child, playing out parts of her memories and mumbling about things that don't make sense. She's going to hopefully moved to a hospice, which is pretty much a nicer place to die. I'll probably see her for the last time tomorrow, the thought of it makes me choke up so I have no idea how i'll react tomorrow. Oh how life is shit sometimes, my best friend and now my Nana in the space of 2 months.


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Apr 22, 2006 - 06:01 AM
A Strange Silent Hill Dream
Ok so I had a weird dream last night but keep in mind I haven't even played the games or seen the film yet (i'm seeing it in an hour or so). I have however looked into all the storylines of the games because i'm such a wimp I can never play them so I thought i'd just read the plot instead >_>. ANYWHO.

I'm not sure how the dream started but I ended up on a King Kong type island. I had to get to the top of this hill, enter a temple and use this yellow explosive stuff to blast open this tomb where there was a baby alien we were supposed to be looking after. So i'm the one who has to do this thing since the other guy got killed, so I walk in and do my Tomb Raider thing, but I kept on spilling this yellow shit and little bits of rock kept exploding.

Then it seems like the whole world just went silent, I couldn't hear anything but this weird mmmmwooommmmm sound. So I think "Hey that sounds familiar, sounds like something from Silent Hill when Pry..." and I turned around and sure enough there's 2 Pyramid Heads behind me trying to get in.

So obviously I lock the doors (yes these tombs have lockable doors now) but of course that's never enough for these people. So eventually this alien baby pops out of this thing and is all MUMMY but i'm like "FUCK that, all for one my friend". So I end up escaping through the back and my parents are there and they go inside and get the baby and are giving me a lecture like "You should never abandon the subject you could've ruined the whole mission!". Then these Pyramid Heads are in the tomb and trying to get us through the back way, so I hop onto this motorbike and I hear "Don't you dare go through the cafe" (the tomb had turned into a cafe now) so I crash through all the windows "So she goes through the cafe!" and ride down the hill in cool action style.

When I get to the bottom of the hill with a nice sandy beach and a nice pathway to safety, my bike explodes and sure enough there's Mr.Pyramid Head slowly walking towards me with his huge knife thing. At this point I think "I'm sick of this dream now, I want to wake up I don't want to lose this chase" but then I couldn't! I was trying so hard to open my eyes but it just wasn't happening.

So last resort, I try and run away. He ends up being in front of me so then I kind of stop and say "Ok do your thang". So he drops his sword thing and offers me his hand. Then the dramatic violins start as I take his hand and we skip in a field full of flowers. Yes people, I was skipping in a field of flowers with Pyramid Head.

So then we end up sitting on a bench just chatting and I ask how heavy the helmet is and he says "This thing is a nightmare, it hurts my head like no other." "What's with the outfit, can't you afford new clothes" "Nah, they always get blood splattered all over them. I do try and take what I have to the dry cleaners but they just can never get the dirt to go." "Have you tried Vanish?" "Hmm, I shall look into that."

Then all these people started to arrive like it was a tourist resort and my sister wanted a picture with these two kids but they just weren't impressed. Then I heard a bell ring and I ran up the hill and into this school that had appeared. So then I was in college or school, it was like a mixture of both. I was wandering around thinking what the hell do I have now? I find one of my friends and she said I had Maths and I got really confused because I didn't take Maths at college. Then I saw my Film and Media teacher Mark with this fancy new hair cut and he was running around with this photographer trying to get images of the school. I ran away from all that and think "Shit, I don't even have my bag".

Then I go to what I think was the lost property section but it also was like some shop where they sell all the stuff that hasn't been collected. My bag wasn't there, so I wandered up some stairs and I end up near a staff room and one of the teachers said "Aw dear are you lost?" "No I just can't find my bag and I don't know what lesson i'm in" "Let me check". Turns out I have a free so I go and try and search for my bag.

Then as i'm gonna look in the art department I hear some guy trying to sing like Michael Jackson, so when I turn around and the dude is trying to dance like him too. Then when I saw him it was an old high school friend, called Michael hrhr, so I said "haha what ARE you doing?" "Pop Idol auditions, i'm gonna try out" "Well good luck with that."

So then I start walking through the art department and my friend Caz was there and I was saying "It's always been a bit of a shit tip, look they always leave all the taps running" Then we end up outside but my bag isn't there so I go back in to try and peek in on the Pop Idol auditions and then I see that one of my best friends Sean is in there! Then I see that he got through to the next round so he runs out all happy and runs straight up to me and I give him a huge hug while I was saying "I didn't even know you were trying out for it!" Then as we were walking outside again we ended up in this huge building.

Inside I was in this tv studio on these couches with all these other girls, and I apparently was one of the final ones in Pop Idol. Funny, I didn't even audition ;_;. So Sharron Osbourne and Simon Cowell are there (Yeah I know they're the X-Factor Judges but it's a dream) and they were saying I was the hottest female in the competition. I was all blushed and like "Is this allowed on live television?" Then I woke up.

Weird =o.

Currently Playing: Puscifier - Undertaker

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Apr 20, 2006 - 11:34 AM
H.I.M Concert
I wasn't too arsed about this concert since i'm not a huge fan of H.I.M but it turned out to be pretty good. The support act were completely shit, their songs went on for way too long and they didn't even say who they were and didn't have a banner up or anything. Way to promote your band guys. There was one song that was alright, this blonde girl came out and sung with them and she had a nice voice.

When H.I.M finally came on they made an awesome entrance. They had all these chandeliers with all these candle like lights all over them, and they slowly raised up and the banner came up with the trademark heartagram with all this cool gothic art around it. They opened with "Buried Alive By Love", it got the audience going.

The crowd were amazing, they sung along to everything and just had loads of energy. The only problem was the screaming girlies =p. However Ville actually is pretty hot, he had the coolest outfit on. It was like a complete black suit jobby, but he ended up with just his shirt with the sleeves rolled up and most of the buttons undone, whenever he stripped I think about 20 girls fainted.

The lights (i'm a light whore) were the best i've seen in along time. They don't quite beat Muse's lights but they were pretty awesome. It made some of the songs a whole lot more atmospheric. They played all my favourites like Buried Alive By Love, Rip Out The Wings of a Butterfly, Wicked Game, Join me in Death, Soul on Fire, Vampire Heart, Killing Loneliness, Play Dead, The Sacrament etc. Inbetween songs Ville Valo attempted to talk but he mumbles so fucking much all I caught was Mariah Carey, Dedicated to all the grizzly bears in the world, I need a leak and something about Satan. Crazy.

So what I thought was gonna be a crap show turned out to be pretty good, and Jesus that guy can smoke o_O.


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Apr 13, 2006 - 03:02 PM
zomg best birthday evar
I'm seeing Muse in August ;_;.

Currently Playing: Guess.

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Apr 2, 2006 - 09:26 AM
Wanna hear a guy scream like a turkey?
Then click here my friends

What the hell, while i'm at it might as well throw in another "ghost sighting"

I actually think this is authentic.

Currently Playing: Lacuna Coil - What I See

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Mar 18, 2006 - 11:37 AM
Life is Short
Well the one feature that kept me coming back to GFF is finally back, coolness. Now I have something to help kill some time with, how sad =p. Well I guess the one thing I want to mention here is how on March 6th one of my best friends died. She was 16 years old, I had known her for nearly 10 years and we had always been best friends in that time. Losing her was one of the hardest things i've ever experienced, seeing a hearse drive around the corner carrying a coffin with my best friend in was probably the most heartbreaking thing i've ever seen and something i'll unfortunately never forget. However when I think of her I always remember the good times and not the events leading to her death.

Towards the end of her life she was becoming weak, vomiting a lot and losing her usual energy. I had noticed the dramatic change in her personality for some time, but didn't even consider how serious it was. She had been to the Doctors and had a number of blood tests, but no one could think of the reason why she was losing so much weight and not being able to keep her food down. I guess they judged her on her strict eating lifestyle and thought it was just an eating disorder she was hiding from everyone.

Whenever she ate, she would just puke it all up again. She was one of the best cyclists in the country, and she's always watched her weight but I knew that she didn't have an eating disorder like the people who didn't know her were suggesting. She would never resort to anorexia or bulimia to control her weight, I knew she wasn't that sort of person. She was always small and thin, that's why we called her "Lil Caz" since there were two Caroline's in my close group of friends, but really she was an amazing athlete and such an intelligent person. She got the highest marks in her GCSE exam results, and was awarded a prize for her achievement in Science.

The cause of her death we now know was because of the failure of her adrenal glands, it was interferring with the digestion of her food which explains why she was losing weight and vomiting a lot. The bitch of the story is that it can be treated.

Since i've heard the news life seems to have changed for me slightly. The first few days were the hardest, I was crying constantly and had no energy in me to do anything. I missed a week off college; I tried to go back on the Wednesday but I couldn't concentrate and ended up breaking down in front of people who kept asking me what was wrong. Missing a week of college and a few days this week has resulted in me being behind on work, which right now I can't afford to be losing since my exams start in May. Even so, I knew I couldn't work properly in the first week but I did miss yesterday for no reason which was wrong of me.

I've learnt to appreciate the friendships I have with my close friends, I love my friends more than ever and i've also learnt to appreciate life a little bit more. It's sad that I only realised this after one of my friends has passed away, but still I want to make the most of whatever time I have left since now I really know that life really can be short.

I've got an Imogen Heap concert next Sunday, I can't wait for that it's gonna be cool. I guess that's all i've got to talk about for now, i'm off to nosey in other peoples journals.


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