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Ah! Amoeba's Journal

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Dec 10, 2014 - 11:27 AM
XMAS CARDS !!
PM or Post your address for an xmas card.

That is all.



DO IT DO IT DO IT



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[public entry #206]

Jun 25, 2013 - 02:59 PM
Rasputin was in a dream last night
He was sprawled out on the carpet in my den, hypnotized by a song on the radio.


It was not clear if he was on drugs, but probably.


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[public entry #205]

May 11, 2013 - 08:17 PM
Jeff, An Incestuously Possessive Criminal Type


OH MY GOD!
DOWNLOAD!




A sample:
Spoiler:






Currently Playing: Friends

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[public entry #204]

May 10, 2013 - 02:37 PM
Drink-On Tonight! Don't Miss it!





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[public entry #203]

Mar 19, 2013 - 08:31 AM
Thank You For Being A Yen.
For Christmas we sent Yen a card and a publication on soil samples and geological surveys of Nova Scotia. He must have really loved that because last week a package showed up out of the blue.


We always answer the front door with knives drawn, so we immediately set about stabbing at the box with our eyes closed while the mailman attempted to hand it to us.

You know that old saying about omelets and weeping stab wounds.


Inside was a...

CONTENTS PAGE!


And then all of the things it listed, including a bunch of download cards.




These things are MINT, too. We aren't even gonna try opening the Beatles stuff.


Thud was unimpressed, as usual.


We spent Spring Break enjoying SXSW and relaxing back home in a colorful blanket fort listening to smooth electro-jazz and napping on an air mattress. It was amazing.

Thanks so much, Dull. You are a sweetheart and a songbird.



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[public entry #202]

Jan 23, 2013 - 11:55 PM
Merry Crunch-Mass to You.
It's not too late to celebrate Crunch-Mass twenty twelve.





For Crunchmass I got a helium shark zeppelin that my brother accidentally flew into a power line. The gases inside exploded and took out a transformer and probably the electricity to the entire neighborhood.

It was surely the work of God forgetting his son's birthday was almost a month ago.





Is everyone getting their cards? We were a bit late on getting the last batch shipped out. I know a few of you have gotten them - hooray! Thud and I love you guys and miss the hell out of you.

This entry is mainly for all of you who didn't get a card. Sorry, friends, there were just only so many to go around. If you did get a card, just know that Thud and I want to bone you. Hope you all had a great holiday season!

In other news: did Sim tell you? We got to meet up with him for some pink lady drinks last Saturday. IdleChill was there. It is a weird feeling being introduced to someone you've never meet and realizing you already know them. I had to head home after dinner for work and beauty sleep, but the rest of GFF Tejas went on to the arcades and bars and parties. Made me realize (again) how much I miss going to meets.

Next year...



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[public entry #201]

Nov 8, 2012 - 06:21 PM
cd swap?
It's about that time of the year aint it?

What's the deal, Pang.


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[public entry #200]

Sep 28, 2012 - 10:39 PM
I could eat a peach for hours.






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[public entry #199]

Sep 27, 2012 - 08:29 PM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--

YouTube Video




Edit: Mentioned it on Facebook but it seems like Garr beat me to the punch on this by an hour or so. FOILED. GARR



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[public entry #198]

Sep 25, 2012 - 01:43 PM
Enough Time Has Passed That We Can Comfortably Talk About Crash's Lungs.
Running with Jessy's point in Zeph's thread: who got Crash's lungs? If Crash wasn't an organ donor (you stingy bastard), does he then get to let rot these things that weren't even his to begin with? Or are they still considered property of the original owner and thrown back into donor rotation? Do they even redistribute already donated organs?


I ask you guys because the yahoo answers crowd don't know who Crash is.

edit Oh god that thought of having a 120 year old set of eyeballs that have rotated through who knows how many dudes' heads.


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[public entry #197]

Apr 20, 2012 - 03:31 PM
Kitty Titties.




Congratulations card from my new Great Aunt


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[public entry #196]

Apr 5, 2012 - 06:26 PM
AND LO, BON JOVI DESCENDED FROM THE SKY! AND THE MASSES STOPPED TRAFFIC!




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[public entry #195]

Apr 4, 2012 - 03:07 PM
Wedding stuff.
Thank you everyone for the gifts, cards, well-wishing, and for voluntarily wasting time on a Sunday for a motherfucking wedding web cast. The generosity of you all never ceases to amaze me. This is the most remarkable community of people on the internet and thud and I love you all.


Vacationing in wedding clothes comes highly recommended. You will be escorted to the front lines, people will be forced to give up their seat so you and your partner can sit together, and then, when you arrive to where ever you are going, you are given free champaign. You will probably start to feel guilty by the forth day or so of people buying you drinks all the time because it's so much easier responding that, yeah in fact you were "just" married, rather than explaining how you are only getting maximum use out of the nicest clothes you've ever worn.






Wedding Number 2 was so much fun and stress-free. Way better than a family wedding, what without all the planning and family. The DVD of the whole thing turned out wonderful and sweet and not too much ruined by Zeph. We just let people assume it is a total stranger (which is almost the truth).

Spoiler:



















We rode a helicopter into the Grand Canyon and drank Champaign at the bottom. It was incredible. The pilot was real pushy about taking a picture with The Helicopter. We told him, "nooooo"; opting instead to get it with a GIANT OPEN SCAR ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

Spoiler:















We drove a James Bond car through a ghost town on the way out to Death Valley. Everything exploded and there were rocks shaped like butts. An old wanderer roaming the desert married us one more time just to be sure it sticks

Spoiler:

















Penn and Teller definitively proved to me magic doesn't exist, yet I am convinced magic is the only way they could possibly do that shit.

Saw about 50 dead dicks at the Bodies Exhibit. I got educated.

Saw a young couple smoking crack around a corner, then they emerged with fists thrusting into the air and giving long, loud hoots as they ran onto a tour bus that wasn't my tour bus. Dang. =(



We got pretty drunk at the Circus Circus midway. Sat in the spinning ice cream parlor and felt terrible. I cheated a child out of a teddy bear when my Clown Head Water Balloon Game malfunctioned and gave me the win even though I didn't win. It was important for me to prove my worth to my new wife with that teddy bear, though, so I kept it. Later I gave a stuffed mouse to a sad looking girl, so I totally made up for it.

The only time we tried walking around off Fremont St. we stumbled into this terrifying scene in front of a motel practically dissolving into a slime. We ran back to the safety of a Twilight Themes Available wedding chapel, stopping only for more pictures.

Spoiler:












Wedding life itself is mostly made up of sleeping and getting nagged a lot about the taking care of a yard we don’t even have this is a 2nd floor apartment jesus and then drinking until I fall asleep again.



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[public entry #194]

Jan 21, 2012 - 09:23 PM
Update on my Schoolin'







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[public entry #191]

Jan 18, 2012 - 11:26 AM
VVVVVOOOOOMMMMM































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[public entry #190]

Jan 13, 2012 - 06:59 PM
Words For Pangalin, Sung to the Tune of Madonna's "Dress You Up"
Gonna dress you up in hotdogs.

All over.

All over.

Gonna dress you up in hotdogs.

All over your body.

In hotdogs.

From your head down to your toes.



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[public entry #189]

Dec 27, 2011 - 08:07 AM
Season's Greeting



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[public entry #188]

Dec 13, 2011 - 04:57 PM
He Will Dance Until You Buy.
GET YOUR MEAT HERE

OLD MEAT IN A BOX



YouTube Video


BEEN SITTIN' IN THE SUN ALL DAY, IT HAS






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[public entry #187]

Dec 10, 2011 - 07:40 AM
Thud and Me in High School, 1998

































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[public entry #186]

Nov 1, 2011 - 05:51 PM
A Strict Bathroom Policy at the Texas History Museum


One more warning and I'll be suspended.






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[public entry #185]

Oct 19, 2011 - 10:24 PM
This Man's Videos are an Inspiration
Old age is only a few short decades away.


One day I will have a my own karaoke channel, too.

YouTube Video



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[public entry #184]

Sep 29, 2011 - 01:21 PM
I am an adult.
I wear heavy jewelry now.


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[public entry #183]

Jun 29, 2011 - 10:57 PM
Toy Story 3 Review.



























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[public entry #182]

Jun 21, 2011 - 12:52 PM
I want KFC despite a vid for high tec machines that de-bone chickens w/ cruel efficiency



YouTube Video



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[public entry #181]

Feb 28, 2011 - 03:07 PM
unused SAUS videos
Here are videos I put together but did not use for this year's competition. I enjoyed this new aspect of SAUS, and look forward to it making a return in the future.


YouTube Video

YouTube Video

YouTube Video

YouTube Video

YouTube Video

YouTube Video





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[public entry #180]

Feb 5, 2011 - 01:12 AM
Vote to Rename the City of Austin's Solid Waste Services Department



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[public entry #179]

Jan 25, 2011 - 01:41 AM
Hip Hop Album of the Year, 1998


01. Intro
02. No Lies
03. Doin' Thangs
04. Heaven Or Hell
05. Money An Fame
06. Watcha Workin Wit feat. Luniz
07. Tha Realist feat. 11-11 Boys
08. Nowhere To Run

DOWNLOAD


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[public entry #178]

Jan 22, 2011 - 09:37 PM
Complex Creature


Spoiler:




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[public entry #177]

Jan 15, 2011 - 02:19 PM
Sharing Terrible Music


1. Reindeer Are Wild
2. Tractor Nuts
3. Nuns With Powerful Exhausts
4. Blue Without You
5. The Ranger
6. Lord Why Don't You Come to My Town
7. Lutennant Ohura 90
8. The Goldfish Murder
9. Trembling Bone
10. Mr. Juicy Lucy
11. The Seven Seas
12. Dead Donky to the Rescue
13. Birds With Teeth
14. Love is Strange


Quote:
Ming's status of being on the fringe of fringe culture has led to him setting up his own Rim label to release both his own CDs and work by others shunned by conventional labels. It fuelled the realisation that he was an "outsider", the tag given to artists and musicians who are untrained and unusual, as well as those with a history of mental health problems. As someone who suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, has no formal training and a penchant for cross-dressing, Ming has found a label that he is comfortable with.


DOWNLOAD


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[public entry #176]

Dec 11, 2010 - 06:58 PM
Christmas Song.
YouTube Video

Season's greetings.


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[public entry #175]

Dec 10, 2010 - 02:09 AM
Christmas Music.





Enjoy>>>


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[public entry #174]

Nov 9, 2010 - 12:54 PM
The Ongoing Adventure of Crash Landon's Kleptomania






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[public entry #173]

Oct 4, 2010 - 09:57 PM
Review of Guyver 2: Dark Hero
★★★★★ The best acting since Olivier's passing
By A Customer
This review is from: Guyver 2: Dark Hero [VHS] (VHS Tape)

I saw Guyver 2: Dark Hero, and couldn't belive my eyes. It was by far the finest piece of film-making about Alien Bio-armor and horrible Half-Man, Half-monster creatures that I have ever seen. The acting affected me a great deal and I can truly say that this film changed my life. Of course, I only say all this because I played the lead in this film and this was where I met my girl-friend. (She plays the archeology student in the red tank-top, isn't she hot?) So, to sum up, please buy Guyver 2: Dark Hero. It is much better than the first, and it's only nine dollars. Signed, David Hayter.

Help other customers find the most helpful reviews

Was this review helpful to you?


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[public entry #172]

Oct 2, 2010 - 02:56 PM
Gamingforce Member Mixtape, Vol. 2




Worms Make Dirt

Neon Guru
Gentle Violence
Quiet Encephalitics
Devo Corporate Anthem
Terminus
S u p e r n o v a
Face Rake
Blaze of the Grail
Butcher Shop
Cats' Tongues with Cream



♫ ♪



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[public entry #171]

Sep 26, 2010 - 10:47 PM
DO YOU KNOW ACER THE BANDIT????!!!!



TELL ME WHERE HE IS!!!






Response entries:
So I was about to wan wan when suddenly... by FatsDomino

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[public entry #170]

Sep 13, 2010 - 04:53 PM
VOTE HERE FOR CITY COUNCIL








HuLo, EyYe aM caTFissssH PiGg!!

Uuu arrr AllL bOring aND Doo NnnOOOotthhhiiing.

eYe Wil tAAke Ovveer tHIiisss TttOWN.







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[public entry #169]

Sep 4, 2010 - 12:55 PM
WHO WANTS TOAST???



HEY GUYS I AM MAKING ENGLISH MUFFINS AND TOAST!!

BRING A PLATE


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[public entry #168]

Sep 3, 2010 - 02:26 PM
Staying Productive.




Last week I glued a cock onto Juggernaut.



Spoiler:




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[public entry #167]

Jul 29, 2010 - 01:36 PM
Celebrites I Met at the Wax Museum.



Johnny Cash




Superman



Eddie Murphy




Rocky Balboa



Kevin Costner



The Terminator



Tiger Woods





NOW FOR A HISTORY LESSON IN WAX



During the battle of the Alamo, James Bowie is wounded by the biggest boner anyone has ever seen.




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[public entry #166]

Jul 29, 2010 - 01:00 AM
Here Comes Trouble
Response to: Sweet as cocoa like butter to my lotion by Cat Slobber




Mean and made of mud
He came from green swamp water
An older blonde was his best bud
But soldiers came and got her


He stopped them with a tree
Branches sheared and gave them cuts
A fat kid cheered with glee
As he kicked them in their butts


He dissolved into slime
On her body he would cling
She will always have the time
For her smelly Swamp Thing




Currently Playing: Born on the Bayou

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[public entry #165]

Jun 16, 2010 - 02:02 PM
Polk County Pot Plane
Somewhere in Georgia, 1975: pot smugglers land a huge plane in a clearing they had bulldozed in the middle of a forest. Unfortunately, that plane needs twice as much runway to take off as it does to land. It ended up stuck out there with no one exactly sure what to do. The police confiscated everything and eventually auctioned off the airplane.

Being Georgia, this event is all anyone could talk about for years to come. "Sum'budy aughta make a moovy bout dat pot plane." So the state legislators of Polk County gathered up a meager amount of money and made a chase movie! It stars two ACTUAL criminals from a local prison as the two main dope smugglers, Oosh and Doosh. Their hickish charm is matched only by their bulging penises.


This movie is fantastic. Not one person in this movie is acting. Some people don't even seem to know their lines, and just give up halfway through. Cars spin out for no reason, everybody talks like Boomhower from King of the Hill, and there was apparently never a good enough reason to re-shoot a scene. I don't even understand what a state county stands to gain out of making their own movie, but I'm sure glad one gave it a shot.




Still need convincing? Read this one star review from Amazon.com:

Quote:
"In Hot Pursuit," originally released as "Polk County Pot Plane" is one of the worst excuses for a movie ever to emerge from the fetid cinematic decade of the seventies. Starring Don Watson and Bobby Watson as Oosh and Doosh respectively, the film essentially exists as a vehicle for chase scenes.

Oosh and Doosh work picking up pot from a DC-4 cargo plane near Atlanta. The cast, overrun with rednecks, constantly finds themselves in car chases with the police: a large number of vehicles were pointlessly sacrificed for this film. Some of the chases boggle the mind (mostly because of their interminable length), and involve such things as campers, bulldozers, tractor trailers, and of course a variety of cars. Of all the chase scenes I think the best involves driving a tractor trailer through a mobile home.

Oosh and Doosh aren't the smartest characters, and as soon as they are broken out of jail following the camper fiasco in a totally implausible subplot involving a helicopter, they are back to smuggling. It's hard to believe but the drug lord turns out to be unscrupulous, making Oosh and Doosh rob an armored car in yet another excuse to drive vehicles inappropriately. Lovers of subtle humor take note: the "new car" gag is so hilarious that it ends up with both a woman fainting and a man wearing a babushka! Oh, my ribs!

Of special note are the music and the acting. The music ranks among the least appropriate in film history. The score relies heavily on a Spike Jones theme, complete with slide whistle, while the acting relies heavily on a high school drama club theme, in that every single performance in the film is utterly wretched. This film has no redeeming qualities that I could discover, save an excellent credit line which reads "Big Bird Played by N8703B (DC-4)." You be the judge of whether that's enough to satisfy you.





A few of us watched this at the meet, but not enough of you were there. You all have missed out an a real gem. This would make an excellent Drink On flick, but even if that doesn't happen, get this movie, get drunk, and laugh your ass off.


Special thanks to sprout for ripping and hosting


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[public entry #164]

May 30, 2010 - 02:09 AM
Lady on the Railroad Tracks.
Naturally this is the first thing to do in Red Dead Redemption. It all comes down to a matter of timing, though, and I was running out. It looked as if the train would soon be crossing the river into [Mexico], delaying my quest for who-knows-how-long. I plotted a course on my map, and crossed my fingers.

Riding my Golden Stallion of Misogyny, I raced as fast as flabby lightning through the desert, finally reaching the tracks just as the smoke trail of the train engine began clearing the hill to my left. This was it. I dismounted at full gallop in a frantic hurry to be really awesome, sending my horse and the woman cargo charging ahead. An explosion of meat and blood showered down upon me as Only Best Friend the Horse came to a halting stop under the iron wheels of a speeding locomotive. The impact sent the lady shooting off his back, flying through the air like a baked potato, landing safely in the grass a few feet away.

I smashed the D-pad in a vain attempt to make my cowboy shake his fist at the train. He stuck his fingers in his mouth and whistled for his horse.


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[public entry #163]

May 28, 2010 - 12:30 AM
What You Say About Cheese Company?


Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:





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[public entry #162]

May 8, 2010 - 07:06 PM
Follow-Up Entry.
You Can See How Maybe This is Butter.



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[public entry #161]

May 1, 2010 - 01:14 AM
NOT TO FIFTY!









Time to change that av/sig combo, Doctah.


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[public entry #160]

Apr 30, 2010 - 03:04 AM
30 knkwzrds





avatars!
in paint!


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[public entry #159]

Apr 29, 2010 - 02:46 AM
The Residents Live! Exclusive Content!







The concert was back in February, but I've been meaning to share some neat stuff with the few of you (knk, krel, thud) who'd be interested. First up is a video from the concert of a Hank Williams cover. [edit: and added the rest]
Album downloads follow.



YouTube Video

YouTube Video

YouTube Video

YouTube Video

YouTube Video

YouTube Video





This is a recording of the show which Thud and I attended. They cover a wide range of material, spanning pretty much their entire career - which was an unexpected surprise that made the concert all the more special, as a majority of their live stuff I had seen or heard until this point had always centered around a single album. The song moments are broken up by long story bits about all kinds of strange things. For example, one is about a woman who, with the help of her girlfriend, becomes so obese she fills a room from wall to wall, and must be chopped up and carried out in small sections after she dies. Interesting stuff.






TLaustin file 1
TLaustin file 2
TLaustin fiel 3


Download









Next up is a tour exclusive obtained by encrypted download upon purchase of a special event badge. The website describes it as "assorted sketches from an abandoned 2009 album." It is entirely instrumental. Ozan is a town in Arkansas.



Arkansas
Third Second Night
Six Things
Tastes Like Chicken
Relief
Old Hound
Hill
Brothers
Last Hope
Notchi
Ozan 2-Step


Download.




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[public entry #158]

Apr 26, 2010 - 11:49 PM
Magic Everywhere in This Bitch.
YouTube Video


EARNEST EXPRESSION

AIMED TOWARD HEAVEN





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[public entry #157]

Apr 19, 2010 - 12:52 AM
Blue Wizard & His Dragon Put a Stop to a Lame-Ass Art Show.








































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[public entry #156]

Apr 18, 2010 - 04:05 PM
Clarence Morgan is a Lonely Child.



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[public entry #155]

Apr 17, 2010 - 04:02 AM
Another Message From Ice T






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[public entry #154]

Apr 6, 2010 - 02:01 PM
I Would've Considered Seeing A-Team if Terry Crews Had Been B.A. Baracus.
YouTube Video


YouTube Video


YouTube Video



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[public entry #153]

Apr 2, 2010 - 12:28 PM
An Enthusiastic and Helpful American Citizen




I am still trying to decide if having a deadline each week is a good thing or a bad thing.
I mean, it keeps me active with a hobby, which I enjoy,
but work keeps me busy, and since I have to turn in something at the end of the week,
I wind up running out of time and just throw things together (like this) that I don't exactly think are all that funny.


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Mar 27, 2010 - 02:00 AM
GWAR Walking Awkwardly Down a Hill.
We ran into GWAR just hanging out doing an interview, and decided to follow them to a bar (we could not get in). On the way, Beefcake hit on Thud. After the show, he gently tossed her his guitar pick.

YouTube Video


The show itself was unbelievable. Michael Jackson had his faced ripped off and blood gushed out onto us as he moonwalked across the stage. GWAR fought a 15 foot robot on stage, chopped off its arms, then stabbed it in the heart. I already feel the need to take back what I said a few entries ago about the Flaming Lips being the best show I have ever seen.




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Mar 18, 2010 - 01:16 PM
SXSW lineup
This is going to be an incredible year. Tonight is Man Man, Man or Astroman? and possibly Midlake. The problem with South by is you really have to prioritize which bands you'd rather see, as all the ones you enjoy seem to play at or around the same time on the opposite ends of the city.


Friday is kinda up in the air. It will be a good time to stop by random bars and check out whatever happens to be playing. But Saturday? Holy shit. Black Keys, Camper Van Beethoven, Broken Bells (Shins + Danger Mouse), a band consisting of J. Mascis, Thurston Moore and Andrew W.K. called Demolished Thoughts, and fucking GWAR!


Expect pictures and videos!


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Mar 17, 2010 - 01:54 PM
The Memorable Final Words of the Movie Roadhouse starring Patrick Swayze.
"A polar bear fell on me."

YouTube Video





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Mar 16, 2010 - 09:27 PM
Pictures and Videos from a Flaming Lips Concert
The band emerges from the massive glowing vagina of a giant orange woman.








Then Wayne Coyne inflates his giant hamster ball
.






Video of him rolling over us, and part of the first song, Worm Mountain. This gives you a good idea of the party atmosphere going on during their shows:


YouTube Video





Laser pointers were handed to the crowd before the show started. During Vein of Stars, we all were instructed to SHOOT WAYNE.







He reflected the lasers back at us with a mirror. It looked incredible.












It was with out a doubt the funnest concert I have been to. =)




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Mar 11, 2010 - 12:43 PM
A Landmark Surgery





Special thanks to Capo.

This is based on an idea he had in chat, though I chickened out of getting political in the local paper by dropping the wounded vet angle.


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Mar 3, 2010 - 01:55 PM
Awkward Moment Buying Shoes & Socks at Finish Line Shoe Store.
The clerk who has been helping me try different sizes asks me if there is anything else I need help with before he rings up the shoes I have selected. I notice a big barrel of ankle socks right next to me. "Oh, I need some socks. I'll get these too."

"It's buy one get one free. We've got black socks in that other barrel, as well."

"Oh, okay, yeah. I'll grab some..."

At that moment, his co-worker approaches us. A big smile and a nod is thrown my way. He is black.

On instinct, I return the gesture. Looking him in the eyes, I smile and nod, just as I am completing my sentence...

"black ones."




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Feb 28, 2010 - 06:06 PM
promo work



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Feb 23, 2010 - 01:29 AM
A Reminder of What Side of Town I Live On.
Stepped out to my truck on my way to work today to find the driver-side window completely shattered. I didn't have time to clean up really, so I wiped off what I could, then drove to work with bits of broken glass gathered in the grooves of the seat. All day I had the fantastic sensation that my pants were glistening magically with glass-dust and that my legs were bleeding.


All that was taken was a book of CDs. The joke is on you though, windowpuncher, cause it is just full of burned copies of shitty music. Mostly live Residents shows. Ha ha ha.

Currently Playing: John Fahey - When the Springtime Comes Again.

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Feb 22, 2010 - 01:51 PM
Learning About Squids.




Thanks to the encouragement of Thud and my brother, I am now contributing weekly comics to the local paper.

They are just as bad as everything else on the page, so I am a perfect fit.






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Feb 18, 2010 - 02:27 PM
The Suicide Note of the Suicide Pilot.
In case you haven't heard, some dude burned down his home, stole a plane, and crashed it into a government building here in Austin today.

Here is his suicide letter.


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Feb 12, 2010 - 01:04 AM
OH NO THEY DIDN'T! (USE BUTTER)

THUD BOUGHT ME FAKE BUTTER FOR VALENTINES DAY BECAUSE RAW FAKE BUTTER IT IS MY FAVORITE GUILTY PLEASURE FOOD AND THIS OFF-BRAND IS MY FAVORITE BECAUSE THE NAME IS THE BEST. IT MAKES ME WANT TO START 100 FAKE FAKE-BUTTER COMPANIES.


YOU BUTTER BELIEVE IT ISN'T BUTTER

BUTTER LOOK ELSEWHERE FOR BUTTER

IT IS DEFINITELY BUTTER BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT MAYBE IT ISN'T!!


THIS NAMING GAME HAS QUICKLY BECOME MY GAME OF THE YEAR FOR 2010 LOOK FOR IT ON NINTENDO DS THIS SPRING.






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Jan 29, 2010 - 01:07 PM
Lil' Wayne and the Residents Reciprocate Inspiration



Four days.

Currently Playing: The Residents - My Nigerian Friend

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Jan 24, 2010 - 02:38 PM
Important Product Disclaimer!








Currently Playing: Guess Who - the board game with the talking cartoon card deck.

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Jan 22, 2010 - 02:50 PM
OL' RUMHAT CRASHES THE PARTY
HE BARGES IN



HE POURS ALL THE RUM INTO HIS OVER-SIZED HAT







GALLONS ARE WASTED



WHY DID HE DO THAT?




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Jan 16, 2010 - 03:35 AM
Getting the Band Back Together.
YouTube Video



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Jan 13, 2010 - 02:58 AM
Christian Love




8====D~


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Jan 6, 2010 - 02:33 AM
Stephen Baldwin Takes a Moment to Think About Sharks.





And only sharks.



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Dec 31, 2009 - 01:18 PM
You Can't Hide
Your lion eeeeeeyes.




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Dec 17, 2009 - 01:21 PM
Klinge Bros. Update
We are currently dredging up some poor dude's brick patio and digging holes to nowhere in his back yard in order to trick the ghost of Blackbeard the Pirate into thinking we are looking for his treasure. This will agitate him to the point of wanting to make creepy noises inside the house.


Score one for the scientific method.


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Dec 12, 2009 - 04:39 PM
Leaked! Moo and Thud's new EP!







1. We're All Worried About Steven
2. The Girls of Fairleigh Dickinson
3. Don't Go In My Room









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Dec 11, 2009 - 11:06 PM
Tickets Bought / Life Complete





Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:


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Dec 5, 2009 - 09:59 PM
A Shirt Whose Time Has Come.



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Dec 5, 2009 - 12:51 PM
Life After 2012
Easter Sunday,
2036!!



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Nov 23, 2009 - 12:10 AM
The Ghost of Movie Past.
AIRBORNE
AIRBORNE
AIRBORNE
AIRBORNE





WATCH AND REMEMBER.

DO NOT LOOK AWAY.



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Nov 22, 2009 - 10:32 AM
The Case of the Rotting Bananas.
The bananas in my apartment are rotting at an unusually fast rate. During the process of cooking eggs, I simply turned my back a moment and already the banana I was going to eat with my breakfast had black spots emerging all over its skin. I later conducted a door-to-door survey, and have corroborated evidence that this phenomenon is occurring all over the complex.





The question I ask myself at this point is: now what? I am unsure of where to even begin searching for an explanation. I can just sit by helplessly as my bananas, and the bananas of everyone around me, turn black before our eyes. Until this mystery is solved, I am left with only two options: consuming 5-8 bananas all at once, or consuming a frozen banana one at a time.

Either way, very soon I will hate bananas.


Currently Playing: Banana Dirge In The Year 2009

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Nov 22, 2009 - 12:08 AM
Strategy For Killing X10 Deathbot

He will start the battle with Wall. You will start the battle with a De-spell,
followed by a Big Guard, followed by casting Slow and Darkness (use Ink) on
him. Many of his attacks cause various bad status effects, but if you have
Ribbons equipped at least that is out of the way. His ultimate attack, Super
Nova, is powerful though can't kill you (it works like Demi, except with
15/16 of your HP). A Megalixir should counter this. When he casts DeSpell, you
can cast Big Guard again if you want. Pummel him with your strongest spells,
summons, physical attacks. Throw weapons at him, use up all your gil with Coin
it's all allowed, since you won't have any other use for it. You could also
cast Knights of the Round and put him straight to the grave.



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Nov 17, 2009 - 09:43 AM
A Lesson in Ablaut Plurals
Bigfoot

plural Bigfeet

As in, "oh wow, look at all those Bigfeet!"


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Nov 12, 2009 - 03:32 PM
The Funniest Show on Television.
GHOST LAB



I bet you thought John Wilkes Booth died in a barn, didn't you? Pfffshh. Well, it's time to rewrite the history books, Poindexter, because his ghost is living fat in a Texas opera house. The owner of the opera house is leaving a seat empty for his ghost every night there's a show, and doesn't even bother to ask for monetary compensation, which for a ghost would be in the form of invisible ghost-bucks. If I owned the place, you could bet your soft brain tissue that John Wilkes Booth's ghost would STAND IN THE AISLE.


I suppose proof is expected to back up such an outlandish claim. Well. Ghost Lab has many types of cameras, from hand-held to Predator Vision, flashlights and even a photo of John Wilkes Booth to help clue you in. Hang on. Let's queue up the satellite zoom to transition into my next sentence.






AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!



I apologize if that scream frightened you; our contract with Discovery Channel obligates us to use a minimum of seven spooky sound effects per segment. Let me go ahead and save you the suspense that's to come: it's not a real Dracula laughing at the end of the show.


Now, to get our proof, we need to get John Wilkes Booth's ghost to show himself. We thought we picked up traces of his chilling presence near a theater seat with our thermal camera, but it was just the AC blowing on the corner of the chair. "Oh-ho, you're not going to make us look so foolish, John Wilkes Booth's ghost!!" We can hear him sneaking around upstairs. It's time to use a tried-and-true method that's been in effect since the 17th century: I am going to loudly shout insults at John Wilkes Booth's ghost to make him angry. So I shout, "WE HEAR YOU SNEAKING AROUND UP THERE, JOHN!" "I NEVER LIKED YOU! NOT EVEN AS A KID!!!" And, "YOU DO NOT KILL PRESIDENTS, JOHN!" But... nothing. Time for our secret weapon... a gun.


A recreation of the pistol Booth used to kill Abraham Lincoln, to be precise. I brandish it in the air, all the while taunting, "I've goooot youuuurr guuuuuunnn, Booooooth!" Ghosts are easily fooled by artificial replicas of things from their past. (True story: I caught the ghost of John F. Kennedy using a paper-mache replica of his own exploding head.)


It doesn't seem to be working. I need more time for our cameras and microphones to record evidence of his presence. Making him angry with insults works fine, but it's time to step it up a notch: I challenge John Wilkes Booth's ghost to a fist fight. "COME OUT AND FACE ME!!!"


A call over the radio from the "lab" (trailer) parked outside informs me that we've got what we need. Time to head back and listen to a bunch of ambient crunching and squawking that confirms he is there.


While we were busy celebrating the acquisition of hard evidence we will send to those Britannica nerds, Booth's ghost escaped to a furniture store in Oklahoma. That motherfu-

We tail his ass there, and once again attempt to make his presence known.

Upon introducing ourselves to the clerk, we immediately ask the store's owner to dress up and act very poorly like Abraham Lincoln, which we will record and, late at night, play back on a television we have placed in the store. Booth's ghost will attack the image on the screen much the way a cat would bat at the image of a bird with its paws. That's when we spring on Ghost Booth with a microphone!

The sounds of his angry wailing is bone-chilling, much like the sound a ceiling fan makes when it is on.

High fives and laughing all around.

This proves our theory!

Your run from justice ends here, John Wilkes Booth.


Currently Playing: The word "Lab" is in the title because we are scientists!

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Nov 8, 2009 - 04:44 AM
Measuring Muscles at the Mexican Restaurant
Sometimes guys just have to compare arm size, plain and simple. You could be watching a movie together in a dark theater, when you catch your brah looking at your arm. He whispers, "I think my arm is bigger than yours", and you're all, "I seriously doubt it." The next thing you know - KABLAM!! Arms are out in FULL FLEX. Side by side. Explosions on screen.

Other times, you and your manfriend do this while blocking the entrance to a restaurant. You are showing off again, wearing your sleeveless white shirt covered in AK-47's with a awesome checkered fedora on your head. (Quicktip: there are no muscles on the top of your head. Keep it covered.) Yer bud's all intimidated and shit and he tries to show you up. Oh hell no. Not in front of a Mexican restaurant! Hold everything. It's time to touch biceps!!

Oh shit!!

I dunno. His are pretty beefy, too!!

Man... this is really close.


Good thing we brought our ref along to eat with us! "You're up ref! Take a few steps back and tell us who has the bigger arms!" Uh oh. The puzzled look on the ref's face tells you this is a close one. She needs a closer look. She needs to get HANDS ON!!

She grips the arms of you and your compadre.

You want to win so bad, it's like ass in your mouth!

She grips tighter.

She smiles.

And raises YOUR muscley arm in the air!!


You now have bragging rights and enough conversation material to last the rest of the week. Your bud congratulates you. You flex a giant tamale into your mouth, grunting. The end.



Response entries:
Muscles Measured by Temari

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Nov 6, 2009 - 03:34 PM
Like No Other Towel!
YouTube Video



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Oct 29, 2009 - 12:45 AM
In High School I was Subjected to Constant Bullying.


CLASS OF 2001

CLONED ZABKA HIGH SCHOOL



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Oct 24, 2009 - 04:03 PM
Just Bought A Baby Seat
For the American flag I keep in my truck.


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Aug 27, 2009 - 02:06 AM
Did anybody save my MSPainty Pictures?
I've lost my "Leonardo Has a Tumor" comic.

=(


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Aug 11, 2009 - 03:51 AM
The Only List You Will Need The Next Time You Shop For Food.


Nick Nolte's 20 Greatest Films



FEED YOURSELF LATER



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Aug 2, 2009 - 07:54 PM
A Strong Selling Point When Purchasing A Mannequin.



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Jul 27, 2009 - 09:51 AM
Excerpts from a Jean-Claude Van Damme Interview, Playboy, 1995


"In Timecop I do everything - break arms, kick, jump, do a split, do karate, aikido, street-fight, knife-fight. I even fight with tools. Plus, it is an intelligent movie."










"So I stayed away for three days, looking at my dog every day and night, like a detective. Crying beneath my glasses."








"I kicked above his head, like a 6'2'' kick. I impressed him. He gave me his card and said, "Call me tomorrow.""





"My legs are like cotton balls."






"People who train are very sexual - you clean your body from the inside, you regenerate all your cells."






"I know I've got something special. I'm inexpensive and I'm very good. You can make so much money with me, you can make me a star." I was almost in tears and he saw my eyes were real. I said, "Look at my body," and I started to take off my shirt. "See the muscles I have." Then I took two chairs and did a split between them.








Playboy: "You didn't want these women to perform oral sex on you?"
Van Damme: "They were ugly."



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Jul 20, 2009 - 07:47 PM
The Guy Living On The Couch.


He does not say a word.


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Jul 8, 2009 - 03:32 AM
South Park.
South Park.


South Park.


Currently Playing: South Park.

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Jul 8, 2009 - 01:17 AM
An Album for You?


Released: 1977
Genre: Country, Folk




Originally Posted by Allmusic.com
Townes Van Zandt is better regarded as a songwriter than as a performer, and not without reason -- he was a peerless lyricist with a singular ability to capture the landscape of the heart and soul in words, but while he was a fine singer he wasn't exceptional, and the ravages of alcohol, tobacco and drugs took a fearsome toll on his voice in his last years. But Van Zandt could work magic in front of an audience under the right circumstances, and while a wealth of live recordings of Van Zandt have emerged since his passing on the first day of 1997, Live at the Old Quarter, Houston, Texas ranks with the very best of his concert albums. Live at the Old Quarter is simple and spare, capturing Van Zandt in a 1973 solo performance at a Houston saloon with just his acoustic guitar for company, and the engineering ably captures the ambience of the room, with the audience clearly caught up in the spell of these songs. The set features 26 songs, all originals except for covers of "Cocaine Blues," "Nine Pound Hammer," and "Who Do You Love," and Van Zandt brings these tunes to life with an easy grace that's a striking complement to the emotional gravity of his lyrics, though he also gives his lighter side an airing here, occasionally cracking jokes and offering a pair of funny talking blues numbers, "Talking Thunderbird Blues" and "Fraternity Blues." If the renditions of "Pancho & Lefty," "If I Needed You," "Rex's Blues," "For the Sake of the Song," and "Tecumseh Valley" aren't quite definitive, they're beautiful and affecting, and thanks to the sharp performances, on-point vocals, and superb set list, this is a superior document of Townes Van Zandt on-stage, and is a fine introduction to his body of work.

Disc 1:

1. Announcement (by Wrecks Bell) – :44
2. Pancho and Lefty – 4:08
3. Mr. Mudd & Mr. Gold – 3:40
4. Don't You Take It Too Bad – 2:57
5. Two Girls – 3:51
6. Fraternity Blues – 3:07
7. If I Needed You – 3:18
8. Brand New Companion – 4:20
9. White Freight Liner Blues – 3:26
10. To Live Is to Fly – 3:20
11. She Came and She Touched Me – 4:09
12. Talking Thunderbird Blues – 2:33
13. Rex's Blues – 3:05
14. Nine Pound Hammer (Merle Travis) – 3:06

Disc 2:

1. For the Sake of the Song – 4:48
2. Chauffer's Blues (Lightnin' Hopkins) – 4:33
3. No Place to Fall – 3:08
4. Loretta – 2:26
5. Kathleen – 2:54
6. Why She's Acting This Way – 5:42
7. Cocaine Blues (Traditional) – 3:21
8. Who Do You Love? (Ellas McDaniel) – 3:44
9. Tower Song – 3:47
10. Waiting 'Round to Die – 2:35
11. Tecumseh Valley – 4:30
12. Lungs – 2:34
13. Only Him or Me – 2:42


These sorta entries are always sort of pointless, I think, as few download what anyone is recommending, and even fewer step up to carry the burden of listening to other people's bland taste in music. There may be a few others out there with a soft spot for old country tunes, though, so what the hell. Townes Van Zandt was a phenomenal lyricist, easily among the best in the genre, and wasn't nearly appreciated as much as he should have been. A friend recently clued me into this album, which is reportedly one of his best records. Amazon gives me the impression it's a somewhat pricey rarity ($50), and I've yet to come across it anywhere in person, so I'll share a Megaupload link here for any of you who would be interested in having this.



Enjoy?


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Jul 7, 2009 - 01:26 PM
The a is for aaaaaahhhh!!
You know that slightly retarded character in movies or on TV that begins to emulate, in every way, the mean but cool star of the show?

The role has been filled.


Who here thinks lurker should come to '10 meet?

I know I do!



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Jul 3, 2009 - 12:12 PM
Packed A Lunch.
I just made the most amazing looking sandwich to eat at work this evening. All that is on it is an entire package of turkey and an entire large avocado. If I had a camera I'd take a picture. Then I'd eat the picture. And then the camera that took it.

I'm so fucking excited to go to work today.


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Jul 2, 2009 - 02:17 AM
Everybody, Meet the New President.


























































Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:


Currently Playing: Melted Drumstick Melancholy

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Jun 15, 2009 - 12:40 PM
Glamour Mallet.
This was about to be my GFF Meet Shout Out entry, but, some old skinny dude just sat himself at my table (it only seats two), and is testing out his mini boom box. He was nice enough to put on headphones, but then he just sat there looking helpless for awhile before finally asking me for some assistance.

"Do you know how to work these things?"
"I think so."
"How do you make it come out of the headphones?"
(I press the play button)
"Oh you press play. Thank you thank you."


Now he's just sitting across from me rocking some Kanye West or something. And sniffing constantly.

Some other time then.

Currently Playing: Public Libraries Are All The Same

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Jun 12, 2009 - 01:42 PM
In a World without Hermit Crabs.
We race stretchers manned with medicated post-surgery inpatients.


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Jun 7, 2009 - 10:46 PM
Achievement Unlocked:
Body-slammed by Pang



pNG DDENUMD: /the jeyas orntohgin


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May 9, 2009 - 11:18 AM
I Know You Eat Bees.
On the count of three

Here come the bees

1 - 2 - 3




EAT BEES!!



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Apr 14, 2009 - 07:22 PM
Entry Part II, Part I
Response to: SXSW '09 Day 1 by Ah! Amoeba

There is a tendency on my part, I have noticed, to never follow through on multi-part journal entries. I know for a fact that you have already noticed this, and are probably right now sternly nodding in agreement. Well, I am flattered that you are paying so much attention. And by flattered I mean outraged.

Tell it to me straight - you don't care, do you? I know, I know. I just need some kind of excuse to talk about a bunch a bands I saw a month ago. Project: Finish Shit is the only way!

Now. Let's go back in time.

The year is 2009. Month, March. America is in a panic, and I need a haircut (but I keep my cool). A massive music festival is held to celebrate Texas not being on fire. I take a bunch of pictures. Now I will show you some of these pictures, then, I will explain what you can already plainly see in each picture. It will be very boring and unnessecary. You probably won't care enough to make it through; in which case, I suggest relocating your desktop computer to another room in your - or the nearest - home, then returning here to continue the entry from where you left off. The change of scenery will keep you awake and alert.





SXSW DAY II


Started this day going solo, which was a drag. Thud had to work this day, and I was doing my volunteer work for Barnes and Noble on the trade show floor. Some of my other friends were around town, but we all had our own group of bands that we wanted to see, so we never managed to meet up.




Dez Dickerson, guitarist for Prince and the Revolution talking with Craig Brewer, writer/director of Black Snake Moan and Hussle & Flow (which he wrote will managing a Barnes and Noble!). Both nice dudes. I haven't seen either of Craig Brewer's movies, so it didn't feel appropriate buying a DVD for him to sign just because! Dez Dickerson's book was a $30 self-published paperback, so naaaaah.

After my shift was up, I met up with a co-worker from the trade show at Austin Music Hall to claim our spots at the front of the stage.

DATAROCK

Never heard of these dudes before, but they were good geeky fun.






SUDDENLY! The show stops as Infernal Monkey makes an apperance.





Everyone is eager to say hello!




""
""
""
""
""
""
""
""
""
""
""


After greetings have been exchanged, the show resumes!






Tricky singing through his chest.



This was a pretty cool show. Slow and dark. A bit of a lull in energy compared to the other bands of the night, but it was still pretty kickass.

















D E V O
D E V O
D E V O
D E V O
D E V O









Another highlight of that week. Absolutely amazing show. It's a mystery how I've never been that into Devo before now, considering this stuff is right up my alley. Thud insisted I see them, or she would never forgive me. Lesson learned.


It's well after midnight at this point. Time for bed. Riding my bike through town on my way home, I hear a band that sounds familiar...













Dinosaur Jr.!!



Managed to catch the tail-end of the set. Twenty minutes of blistering guitars. I enjoyed the hell out of it.





DAY III - Final Day



Daniel Johnston was doing a signing at the festival's Barnes and Noble kiosk. Super-friendly guy. I got two CD's signed, and Thud got an autograph in his artbook. Then he told her that if he had a car, he'd take her our for some Mexican food.


We set up camp at a day-long outdoor (mostly) punk rock festival, spending most of the day relaxing in the grass. We caught Japanther, Cursive, King Khan (again), and Circle Jerks, along with countless other unfamiliar bands. The Black Lips put on a fantastic closing set for the festival, with a surprise guest apperance by King Khan (3). I couldn't get enough of that dude, though, so that was a-ok.





Japanther singing into telephones.



An 11 year old boy that is already cooler than I will ever be.



Some sleeping dead dude. This photo marks the beginning of what became a photo gangbang by pretty much everyone around.


Circle Jerks.

Have you ever wondered what balding dreadlocks looks like? Well now you know: an upturned jellyfish.


At this point we were feeling pretty ragged, so we decided to end the whole week on a softer note. We popped into a hotel to catch...

The Proclaimers!

Unfortunately, cameras were not allowed. Just know that those two dudes can still harmonize their asses off. A pleasent end to the whole thing, all in all.



BUT WAIT!

















As if three appearances weren't enough, we ran into the sax player and cheerleader of King Khan & the Shrines on our way home. They were extremely friendly and extremely German. They invited us to their next show, but we were absolutely spent. We rode our bikes home and slept for 10 hours.


NEXT WEEK: The results of the Summonmaster Journal Investigation are revealed (perhaps?)!


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[public entry #105]

Apr 3, 2009 - 06:43 PM
Fiesta Supermarket Shopping List.
  • Huge as shit airbrushed Tupac t-shirt
  • Half a dozen live lobsters
  • Nightgown (for Thud to wear as a fancy cocktail dress)





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[public entry #104]

Apr 2, 2009 - 09:51 PM
Diss Has Inside Him Blood of Kings.
He has no rival.

No man can be his equal.



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[public entry #103]

Mar 24, 2009 - 12:38 AM
SXSW '09 Day 1
South by Southwest, for those of you have never heard of it, is a massive week-long movie/music festival that occurs annually during Spring Break in downtown Austin, Texas. I was mainly concerned with the music portion: 1,500+ bands over the course of the last 4 days. Everyone from an unknown band from San Diego, to some of the biggest names show up. And they're EVERYWHERE: restaurants, parks, churches, hotel ballrooms are all converted into venues. Walk around and pop in somehwere and there is likely to be someone performing. It's fantastic.


Anyway, this was my first year to attend, and I had a fucking blast. It was pretty amazing how many awesome groups I got to see in the course of just a single day. What follows is a shit load [some] of pictures of (most) everyone I (and frequently Thud) got to see [the first day].

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:




Right off the bat, the first big act we see is local legend Daniel Johnston, seen here performing with The Hymns who came out near the end of the set. Really, as sad as it is to say, it's suprising to still see this guy out and about. He has an extensive history of mental illness, and while he was shaking a bit while singing (and may have been crying at one point), he still sang his ass off. He finished the set with Rock N' Roll EGA! It was a blast.


The heads of the girls on stage are not important because their band was awful. But! In front of the stage, I spotted a Bernard Black look-alike amongst the crowd. I didn't want to be obvious about taking a picture right in her face, so I just took a picture of the back of her head, making a mental note to myself to assure you that she really did look like Bernard Black a lot.


Next big act we saw was Nellie McKay, playing in a church. She was cute and funny, but all-in-all, in comparison with later shows, her performance was the low point of the day (sorry Nuhaul).











MEAT PUPPETS



Holy shit. Amazing show. One of the highlights of the week. I don't care if you knew them or not (most of the people around me didn't, sadly), these guys rocked the place out. They played what had to be an 8-minute version of Up on the Sun, which was fucking amazing enough, only to follow it up with an equally long version of Lake of Fire as the finale, played at what seemed like double-speed--I was blown away.

Giddy with excitment, and thinking that couldn't be topped, Thud and I eventually made our way to a local mexican restaurant for the final show we hoped to catch that night...


King Khan and the Shrines


So... I was wrong about Meat Puppets not being topped. This was absolutely the funnest concert I've ever been to. Nine musicians--two sax players, a trumpet player, a keyboardist, two percussionists, a guitar player, a bass player, the singer--plus a cheerleader, who did nothing but shake her ass and pom-poms for an hour, all crammed on to a tiny stage that barely fit the previous act of four dudes.



The stage was a mess of bodies as shit was set up was quickly as possible--electrical fires and equipment falling into the audience was a very real concern.



There's no way I can effectively get across what made this show so great. Most of all they were just so much fun. Multiple band members had synchronised dance moves; they had matching outfits and accessories; the cheerleader sprinkled glitter on the crowd, while King Khan jumped down into the crowd, spat beer, laughed like Dracula, and frequently shed layers of clothing. He got the crowd screaming "hallelujah" during one song, and then healed a few people by grabbing their faces. The audience burned dollar bills while they sang a song called "Welfare Bread."



It was also just funny as fuck. He had some long song about climbing into his wife's vagina a limb at a time (but first he took off his shoes--that's what Indians do), with the horn section blaring each time a little more of him got in. So awesome. There couldn't have been a more perfect ending to the first night!





I'd hope to do the whole event all in one entry, but it's late, and I have to get up early. So, uh, I guess I'll do days two and three tomorrow! Goodnight!



Currently Playing: King Khan & the Shrines - Burnin' Inside


Response entries:
Entry Part II, Part I by Ah! Amoeba

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[public entry #102]

Mar 17, 2009 - 01:57 AM
Persona 4: Choices.
A friend is in need of rescue.

Only one day left to save her.

On my way through town I notice a toy capsule machine, so I drop in some money.

The device is kinda rusty.

I spend the rest of the day on into the evening attempting to dislodge my hard-earned capsule from the stingy mechanical dispenser.

Finally, I am successful.

But, this long-fought struggle has made me tired, and I am forced to my home out of sheer exhaustion to get ready for bed.

Suddenly, I get a phone call.



The body of my friend has just been found.

Game over.


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[public entry #101]

Feb 26, 2009 - 01:06 PM
Life in the Alamo.
No one in the Alamo ever got a good night's sleep.

The table saws and rumbling air compressor generators of the surrounding Mexican army would start up at 9:00 am on the dot everyday, even Sundays. "Really, guys? Sunday's too??" The Texas soldiers who frequently stayed up late drinking beer and playing video games all weekend would always wake up pissed and cranky, and ugh dammit, c'mon! They'd try sobering up with a big ol' plate of bear meat or something, but it just made them groggy. Mid-afternoon naps were out of the question too, though, so they just became even more unruly and irritable, but now they have stomach aches from all that damn bear.

And the noise never stopped because the Mexican army never seemed to get anything accomplished. It was like someone handed a bunch of toddlers some saws, nail guns and hammers, and told them to go wild. The Mexican soldiers would beat and nail the sides of the Alamo for days with no clear aim or purpose. Just... making noise. Days and days of saws screeching as they tore through boards; the steady sound of nails jumping into wood; hammers pounding on the sides of the Alamo so hard that the window over your bed would vibrate until it sounded like it would shatter onto your face. ("What were you even doing in that bed? Beds are useless in the Alamo!")

You wanted to go out for a cup of coffee in order to wake up, but there were so many ropes and ladders in the way you could hardly make it to your truck. At the same time you saw a soldier's awesome coat draped over a post, and you didn't think you'd feel all that bad about taking it, all things considered, but then, yeah, you realized he was only doing what he's told, so you just let him keep his cool soldier coat.

Then Santa Anna climbed onto the balcony and accidentally knocked over your bicycle, but, he was nice about it and picked it back up. He even swept up all the debris his men were leaving on the deck from days of trying to beat their way through the walls with tiny hammers. So, I guess Mr. Anna wasn't all bad.

Currently Playing: Extreme Apartment Makeover, Home Edition.

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Feb 2, 2009 - 05:20 PM
Black and White Photograph of Tetsuo Eating a Kitten.


Spoiler:


Spoiler:


Spoiler:


Spoiler:


Spoiler:


Spoiler:

THE END




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[public entry #98]

Jan 9, 2009 - 05:52 PM
Puck's Playhouse
"Hello," from my new apartment. Not entirely settled in yet, just moving what I can on my own until my brother and best bud Brian Ohijai drive up from Houston tonight to help with the massively heavy & crumbling granite coffee table and sleeper sofa.

Decided to check for any open networks with my Madballs-Sponsored Lap-tap, and it turns out there's a free connection -- labeled "playhouse" -- that gets a stronger signal than what I paid for at my old place. Let's hope it's reliable!


Quick survey!
The first two things I noticed about my apartment are:

1. Parking in the parking lot in front of my building is like trying to pull your car to a stop over the broken and mangled street that opens up and swallows the Eco 1 at the end of Ghostbusters.


2. The view from my second floor "Waterfront" patio looks directly out onto a blockade of dingy trees. But! Beyond those trees is a pond that is probably totally sweet.


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[public entry #97]

Jan 5, 2009 - 02:11 AM
Hat Travels Through Time! Hatless Owner Furious!
Thud left for a cruise in the Caribbean today, but she left a box at my house a few days ago that I was not to open until it was my birthday. Inside I found a time traveling, telepathy-repelling, brain-scanning hard hat, and a CDR of photos and videos illustrating Future Hat's construction and operation.


Spoiler:







There's a red button that lights up Christmas light all over, and a solar panel attached to a motor and a magnet that spin when I step outside. I clicked a tiny soldier with magnets in his feet to it, but launch was delayed due to overcast skies.



Since I still haven't meet anyone else worth hanging out with in this town, I spent the night posing in Future Hat, alternating between fantasies of being a time-traveling superhero, and the member of a sci-fi themed hip-hop group.
Spoiler:




I guess the first thing I will do with my mini time machine is go back and tell child-me to eat as much as possible, despite being a self-conscious chubby. Sure, you will grow out of it, kid, but the day is going to come when you are living on cans of raw tuna and 4-packs of stale bargain bakery reject bread. You're going to wish you had those extra pounds of fat to burn through come spring '09.


That bizarre encounter in the candy isle of Quick Pak's gas station finally makes sense...


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[public entry #96]

Dec 15, 2008 - 05:32 PM
In the City the Sky is Dark
Response to: The book of love is long and boring by nadienne

Give me help
Once I laughed when I heard you say
You let me violate you

Aye yo, Step in my area, and I'ma bury ya!

Go where you want to, do the things you feel
no escapin' this
I saw you standing in the corner

we never thought we'd find a place where we belong

my baby's got two hands
hit me in the face
you're being took for a ride

In the zone like Keyser Soze

Caravan's lost
rippin' you to shitzo
heard about your wife and kids where we slept

lookin' to advance in this world

on the white sandy beach of hawai'i
Last stop for a resolution
my friend goo has a real tattoo

gave to the gorilla girl gobs and gobs of love




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[public entry #95]

Dec 10, 2008 - 01:49 PM
What I Have Learned While Studying For My Final
Gas station coffee is delicious.

It is also cheap and convenient!



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[public entry #94]

Dec 9, 2008 - 04:12 AM
Leonardo's Embarrassing Tumor, Pt. 1









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[public entry #93]

Dec 8, 2008 - 02:35 AM
Ode to Ove Glove
Stick your hand
in a bowl of lava

it won't hurt you
but it oughta




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[public entry #92]

Dec 7, 2008 - 05:18 PM
Movie Download: The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai
Soft-core porno out of Japan. A call-girl gets shot in the head, survives, and becomes a genius (ESP, advanced mathematics, philosophy) because of the bullet lodged in her brain. Then, the talking cloned finger of George W. Bush (with American Flag nail-polish!) follows her to a roof, gets her off, and tells her he's watching her! But, the North Koreans are after the finger too! So there's your plot.






And there is plenty of tits and fuckin' thrown in for good measure.
Spoiler:



DOWNLOAD


Huge thanks to Pang for hosting this! <3






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[public entry #91]

Dec 6, 2008 - 04:41 PM
Hosting Difficulties.
In chat the other night I mentioned that I would share an awesome movie in my journal once I had it downloaded. Well, I have it, but it's close to 1 gig in size (918mb or there about, after compression), and aside from Megaupload, I cannot find a free hosting site that allows uploading of files that large. The problem with Megaupload was that it was transferring at .01kb a sec (or less) and would take a century to finish.

Do you know of a better site for doing this? Do you have space on your host to spare? I promise you will want to see this movie, for curiosity's sake alone.


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Dec 3, 2008 - 08:22 PM
Something is Afoot in the ChocoJournals.



I WILL REPORT BACK WITH MY FINDINGS



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Dec 2, 2008 - 03:36 AM
I Never Thanked Infernal for the Package He Sent.


THAAAAAANANNKKKK YYOOOOUUUUUUUU


Spoiler:


INSIDE THE BOX!






BLURRY SASQUATCH IN A BAG!




PIRATE PETE! (This is now hanging off the rear-view mirror of my truck <3)



TMNT DVD! NO WAIT.





TRUCK HER HARDER PART 2. YOU WERE NOT DRIVING FAST ENOUGH. HIT HER AGAIN, MEL GIBSON.




LOTS OF TEXT! IN AN ALBINO TIGER CARD!










KOALA CHOCOLATE SNACK (for feeding real koalas!)








"YUM KOALA FOOD I WANT TO LAY ON IT"





IT IS RUINED =(







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[public entry #88]

Dec 2, 2008 - 12:41 AM
Full Albums for Dark Nation (and YOU!)
Medeski Martin & Wood
End of the World Party (Just in Case)


I have slowly been getting into jazz, and these guys helped. Starts to seem a bit "samey" in spots, but uh yeah. Jazz.

Download


The Bad Plus

These Are the Vistas


Also jazz. Aside from the cover of Heart of Glass, they also do Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit and Aphex Twin's Flim.

Download


Secret Chiefs 3
Book of Horizons



There's a good chance you'll hate a lot of this album, DN, but there are a few safe bets. Exterminating Angel and The Four in particular are tracks I think you might like.

Download


Black Keys
Attack & Release


This album is produced by Danger Mouse, who also did Mouse and the Mask, so maybe there is a connection to your enjoyment?

Download

Currently Playing: Secret Chiefs 3 - Traditionalists: The Indestructible Drop

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[public entry #87]

Nov 14, 2008 - 01:47 AM
Member Bounty Hunt, Ep. 1: Between a Rock and a Game... Place.
GENTLEMEN HERE IS YOUR TARGET


Rockgamer

GENTLEMEN HERE IS YOUR REWARD









It's his birthday now, but there is no reason for him to celebrate. Because soon we will all be trying to shoot him in the face.

But why?

Community, that's why. This place has fallen on hard times. Rockgamer is a nice enough dude, sure, but someone has to kick this thing off, and better him than you, right? Hunting a human being will bring our fractured group together, all of us working as one to accomplish a single goal: to win seven dollars and thirty cents, and possibly a tambourine.


He lives in San Antonio, and I'm wherever the hell I am. You're right nearby, why don't you just do it?


Look, he's going to be on the run. He could head anywhere. Our widespread community is ideal for rooting out and murdering his 22-year-old ass. Also do you have gas money? Cuz' I have already put up all of my assets as a prize for this event. The point is to work together here.


Alright I'm in! What now?

Begin your search! We know he likes games. And possibly rocks. So, taking that into account, you are probably best to begin your search on rocky outcrops, abandoned dirt lots, and your nearest neighborhood weekend board game get-together. Could be he just likes hanging around the bottom of quarries, so try there too. AIM contacts should hit him up before he skips town, try to get a feel for where he's heading. You'll need a weapon, beer, snacks and a cold disregard for human life.

Most importantly: HAVE FUN!



Also, feel free to make suggestions!

The comments section of this entry should be used to keep us all posted on your progress, clues, and possible whereabouts of our target.

Good luck, and happy hunting!


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[public entry #86]

Oct 26, 2008 - 03:47 AM
INT. SNOWMOBILE DEALERSHIP - CONTINUOUS
SERRA'S husband's business partner sits behind a desk in a shabby office.
Behind him are various posters of snowmobiles.

SERRA sits across from him.
She's holding a brochure for the latest Snowmobile model.




SERRA
Whatd'ya say handsome? How 'bout you and me take one of these babies out for a test drive?

BUSINESS PARTNER
I'd love to Serra but with your husband out of town I'm afraid I'd just feel a little funny about it. I mean after all, the man's my business partner.

SERRA
Oh for criminy sake, why don't ya take your nuts out of your little Gucci purse, grab your noodle, and act like a man?

BUSINESS PARTNER
I don't know.



SERRA unbuttons her blouse.




SERRA
Well before you and your boyfriend Lance Bass head off to the next Clay Aiken concert, why don't ya feast your eyes on mama's jugs?




She pulls open her bra. The BUSINESS PARTNER'S eyes grow wide.




SERRA (CONT'D)
Betch ya never seen high beams this bright. Careful...




She grabs her breasts and wiggles them back and forth like twin flashlights.




SERRA (CONT'D)
Ya might go blind.




Shot of BUSINESS PARTNER'S face moving side to side as if he's watching a tennis match.




SERRA (CONT'D)
That's right fella, looks like global warming has caused a couple giant snow caps to break free.




She lifts her skirt and starts rubbing herself through her panties.




SERRA (CONT'D)
It's time to drill, baby! Drill hard and drill deep. Come on ya tree-hugging hippie! What'ya wait'n for, congressional approval?




The BUSINESS PARTNER walks up to her and unzips his pants.




SERRA licks her lips and grabs his penis.




SERRA (CONT'D)
Better get ready Santa, cuz mamma's about to melt the north pole.


Currently Playing: with my rack hard cack.

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[public entry #85]

Oct 23, 2008 - 08:13 PM
Concerning My Viewing of Your Profile with a Creepy Regularity.
You have no reason to be grossed-out and worried.

I am just trying to figure out who is flying the plane.

Oftentimes it is not enough.

Spoiler:


...TRITOCH?


I am checking it again now because I already forgot.

Additional Comment: Mo0 has the worst avatar for this week ever.

Additional Comment: Mo0 that isn't even an airplane.

Additional Comment: Mo0 I appreciate you making it easy for us, but please stop being lazy.




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[public entry #84]

Oct 17, 2008 - 09:34 PM
See You Later?
Right now my crusty old laptop is making the same exact noise Jim Carrey makes to annoy that assassin hitchhiker dude in Dumb and Dumber. I'm a little worried.

If I'm not around for the next couple weeks? Yeah, things probably took a turn for the worse. Not yet sure whether "worse" will mean my computer just suddenly flickered black, or that I am dead from flying shards of flaming plastic into my heart, neck, face and lungs. Will keep you posted! =D



Update!

Doesn't seem to be doing it for very long periods of time. Also, punching it seems to help temporarily.


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Oct 14, 2008 - 02:25 AM
The King is Dead, Long Live the King.
Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:








































































































































































































































































































































































































































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[public entry #82]

Oct 12, 2008 - 04:40 AM
Question.
How does one go about becoming a model for the cover of board games?




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Sep 28, 2008 - 12:04 AM
In Case You Were Wondering Where I Do All of My Shopping.

THE CLOTHES ARE JUST DECORATION

YOU CANNOT BUY THEM

ONLY EARS ARE FOR SALE


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Sep 25, 2008 - 11:36 PM
I Was Invited to Homecomin'
Response to: False-Richard is Lonely: A Conversation in Progress. by Ah! Amoeba

Received: 8:45PM False-Richard: Hi
Received: 9:44PM False-Richard: Hey tomorrows my homecomin
Received: 10:23PM False-Richard: Hey
Received: 10:34PM False-Richard: Ur Love wil call 2 nite at 10:55 or kiss u tomorrow or ask u out but if u break this chain u wil be cursed send to ten ppl!!


YES OR NO? =D


Additional Entry:
7 Missed Calls:

False-Richard
False-Richard
False-Richard
False-Richard
False-Richard
False-Richard
False-Richard




;_; this isn't funny anymore

Currently Playing: I'm a Propaniac on the Floor.

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[public entry #79]

Sep 25, 2008 - 12:02 AM
False-Richard is Lonely: A Conversation in Progress.
I have two numbers listed in my phone for my friend Richard. One is old, and I often forget which is which. About three weeks back, I sent a text to both, but only got a response from one. Must be it! The responses I was getting seemed a bit odd, though. Turns out that it is not the real Richard! Didn't hear anything from the impostor until tonight.

Out of nowhere I get a call from this stranger's phone. "Hello?" No one responded, but I immediately got a text after hanging up.

False-Richard: Who is this
Real-Amoeba: No one. turns out your phone number was once my friends
Real-Amoeba: sorry for bothering you
False-Richard: Whoes phone did this used to be
Real-Amoeba: Guy named richard
False-Richard: Hello
Real-Amoeba: Hi :[
False-Richard: Is it ok if i ask your name
Real-Amoeba: Yea, it's benjamin
False-Richard: Oh Kool


False-Richard: R u there
Real-Amoeba: yeah im here! what is your name, btw?
False-Richard: Bella
Real-Amoeba: Cool. Hi bella!


Lonely-Bella So
Lonely-Bella What does btw mean
Real-Amoeba: 'By the way'
Lonely-Bella Oh ya why did you say btw
Lonely-Bella What are you doing
Real-Amoeba: Laundry!
Lonely-Bella Oh

[An hour or so passes]

Lonely-Bella Did you go to bed

And of course with this question, it seemed only natural to proceed as follows:

Real-Amoeba: Yes, with no clothes on. ac is broke. I am working up a manly sweat.
Lonely-Bella Ya i went to bed with my clothes on
Real-Amoeba: Why would you do something so silly?
Lonely-Bella My pajamas
Lonely-Bella Did you here me my pajamas
Real-Amoeba: Are they silky? =D



WILL UPDATE WITH INCOMING TEXTS
[see comments]



Response entries:
I Was Invited to Homecomin' by Ah! Amoeba

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[public entry #78]

Sep 22, 2008 - 07:04 PM
If I Had a Laser Penis, I Would Fuck Robot Vaginas




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[public entry #77]

Sep 18, 2008 - 12:02 AM
And now, a message from Ice T:


"There ain't gonna be no crumpets and tea!!"



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[public entry #76]

Sep 13, 2008 - 12:39 PM
Oh man, I love improvised reporting on major disasters.
A male reporter and his cameraman are walking through the downtown streets of Houston describing the damage.

"All this is debris from this parking garage, and also, all this is from the JP Morgan Chase building over there. There are all kinds of glass and, uh, legal documents all over the place. As you can see here is a..."

The reporter bends down to pick up a lone piece of soggy paper.


"a...uh... some kind of..."


The camera man zooms in.


"legal document."


It falls apart.


The reporter stands and walks away talking; the camera holds the legal document in frame for few mournful seconds, then turns away. Later, the same man sees a fallen tree. "I don't know how healthy that tree was, but... that tree does not look healthy!"



THE BEST!


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[public entry #75]

Sep 12, 2008 - 02:22 PM
Hurricane Preparation.
In order to maintain a readily-available supply of food through the storm, I will from today on no longer be using napkins, paper towels or sleeves to wipe food or sauce from my face. It does not matter how many considerate strangers stop me, or how often my friends insist I am embarrassing them, all this shit is staying on my face until I know we're all okay.


Alrighty, time to go to work.


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[public entry #74]

Sep 4, 2008 - 08:01 PM
Work Radio is Happy.





So now I am happy.



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[public entry #73]

Aug 23, 2008 - 12:47 PM
(Response)
Response to: Missed Connection. by Ah! Amoeba


Normally, I'd totally be down to see a show with this stranger. Mount Eerie is neat, though the show might put me to sleep standing; not too familiar with Why?'s stuff really, but what I heard is interesting. But yeah, knowing she isn't even 20 years old yet, well, it just feels weird and creepy. I am almost 26 here.

"Hello want to be my pal ooh uh oops never mind! =D"


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[public entry #72]

Aug 22, 2008 - 11:31 PM
New Favorite Shirt.
Is made from a bed sheet.








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[public entry #71]

Aug 22, 2008 - 05:45 PM
Missed Connection.
A friend came across something on THE INTERNET yesterday and sent me a link.



This made my day. So sweet.

I remember this girl, too. Not really interested in pursuing anything serious with her, but damn, is it flattering. How often does the intended person FIND something like this? I almost want to respond to the message, or bring it up if I see her again. Nah. It would probably just embarrass her, really.



Response entries:
(Response) by Ah! Amoeba

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[public entry #70]

Aug 20, 2008 - 10:15 PM
Will You Marry Me in an Inflatable Church?


YES OR NO

PLEASE RESPOND


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[public entry #69]

Aug 18, 2008 - 04:12 AM
Waffle Houses.
Are structurally unsound.


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[public entry #68]

Aug 17, 2008 - 09:53 AM
Good Morning, Burn Victim Charlton Heston Candy Despenser.


"GOODMORENING"






You were bought at a Dollar Tree yesterday, along with more of Lebron James' Lightning Lemonade Bubblicious Bubblegum than I can fit in my mouth in one sitting. One piece was all I could handle because I soon discovered why they're selling so much delicious gum for a dollar when all of the teeth in my head fell out onto the check-out line conveyor belt, and were shuttled down to the clerk at the lazy scanner, where they were mysteriously vaporized by the laser beam with a puff of blue smoke and loud electronic beep. Aww.




I'm gonna miss those sweet-ass teeth of mine.

Spoiler:

"gguuuuuuUAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!"



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[public entry #67]

Aug 15, 2008 - 08:15 PM
Gamingforce Member Mixtape, Vol. 1




Frank's Wild Years
Darling Nikki
B l u e M o o n O f K e n t u c k y
Boo - Wah
Taco Wagon
Hot Pink
Shorty's Lament
Watching Alice
Coastal Native Amoeba
4 0 0 0 M i l e s
Moth in the Incubator
Monkey Man
Make Me Moo







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[public entry #66]

Aug 13, 2008 - 09:47 PM
Happy Trails, Sam!
Response to: Kicked while down by Infernal Monkey

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:



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Aug 10, 2008 - 09:42 PM
Choo-choo-choose Me.




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[public entry #64]

Aug 9, 2008 - 08:03 PM
Sign Amoeba's Petition! Improve Lives!


Have a positive impact on an entire town!

Change the P to a T!

And the B to a C!!




  • 1. A. Amoeba
  • 2. A. Lurker
  • 3. Pangalin Murphy
  • 4. The Tritoch
  • 5. Chaotic Century Agrees to this Taintcrushing
  • 6. John Doe
  • 7. S. Prouticus
  • 8. Ace Bandito
  • 9. Scarlet Death is all for Taintcrushing
  • 10. Paco M. McMexica Esq.
  • 11. Crush Landon
  • 12. El Moogle Summon
  • 13. Shin Ryuken
  • 14. Werewolf Puppy
  • 15. Super Temari Crew
  • 16. Moooooooooooo!
  • 17. Jessykin Heart



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[public entry #63]

Aug 8, 2008 - 03:49 PM
Dark Knight Review.












"A+"


Spoiler:



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[public entry #62]

Jun 17, 2008 - 10:15 PM
Memories of FDR & How He Wouldn't Drink Water From Tupperware.
Response to: Injured Dog Rescued From A Ditch by Ah! Amoeba

I am surprised by both my own laziness to do things, and at how long the local dry-cleaner will hold a heavy, unwashed winter jacket reeking of dog piss. I finally got around to the cleaner's today to pick up a thick, fur-lined London fog coat I had dropped off in still-sometimes-chilly February. It made me feel odd and slightly foolish to be asking for a fashionable winter coat on the hottest day of the year. Come to find out, after 4 long months they still hadn't washed it because, as the lady said, "they can't".



Oh, why not?

"tears and stuff. can't do it."

Um, okay then.

Well thanks anyway.




Can clothes not be dry-cleaned if they have tears in them? I never thought about it, and my natural reaction is people must bring in frayed and nipped clothes all the time. I can't imagine them sending them all away with clothes that will remain unwashed until the end of time. I don't know shit about how all that works, so I'll have to take her word for it.






So, uh, I guess I'll hand wash out the pee stains? In a big bucket?

Your legacy lives on, dear friend.




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[public entry #61]

Jun 17, 2008 - 04:33 PM
Boy is it hot today!
"We bequeath to you the synthetic jungles of Hawaii and a scrubland where once thrived the prodigious Amazon forest, along with some remnants of wild environments here and there we chose not to lay waste. Your challenge is to create new kinds of plants and animals by genetic engineering and somehow fit them together into free-living artificial ecosystems. We understand that this feat may prove impossible. We are certain that for many of you even the thought of doing so will be repugnant. We wish you luck. And if you go ahead and succeed in the attempt, we regret that what you manufacture can never be as satisfying as the original creation. Accept our apologies and this audiovisual library that illustrates the wondrous world that used to be."

With love,
E. O. Wilson and all of us from the 21st century









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[public entry #60]

Jun 16, 2008 - 03:55 PM
To: SAUS II
I'm sorry I haven't been around SAUS. I had a lot of fun getting active in the community again, and even in the short time I spent voting on songs, I discovered a couple new bands that I'm really enjoying at the moment. I made a personal commitment to you that I'd stick it out to the end, not be a flaky participate who drops out when all his horrible song submissions are quickly weeded out. But, it's an unfortunate and reasonable assumption that I won't be around for the remainder of your existence. Why? No internet, that's why.

I'm camped out at the public library leaching off what they've got on my crappy laptop that is missing buttons and has a 40-second battery life. This isn't just any old public library, though--it's some kind of bizzaro PLAYHOUSE LIBRARY where everyone is allowed to talk and wrestle and sell things.

There are two tiny kids here in the seat next to me who are humping on each other, screaming "I'm a shark! I'm a shark!". One of them is, unbelievably enough, covered in mud on 50% of his body.

Just beyond them is a months-old baby who has wandered its way out of the car seat it was laying in, and is currently writhing helplessly on the floor like an upturned turtle while its mother hides her face in a newspaper.

Oh okay, a lanky white guy meth-addict lookin' dude with a teardrop tattoo on his face has come for the shark boys. Bye guys! =D

Directly across from me is a one-legged Vietnam vet in a wheelchair who likes to talk to, um, well, everyone. But mostly me.

His leg is in heaven and he'll get it back one day.

He has a truck for sale for $1200. Double cam. Decent mileage.

He's curious as to where one would sell primo-condition Beatles records around here. He has to be careful because someone might break into his place and steal those records!

How are the Quality Inns around here?

Some Mexican bandidas tipped him over at a laundry mat the other day and stole from him $900. Can I please tell him where are the safe laundry mats?

Are eMachines any good?


He seemed to have taken notice of my profound ignorance and mild disinterest concerning all of these matters, and eventually stopped asking me questions entirely. I wanted to say 'goodbye' as he rolled away, but I feared it would lead to more unnecessary communication.


Needless to say, SAUS, I probably won't be spending much time here, even if there is free internet. Though I may be dropping in to vote from time to time, I won't be participating as much as I would have liked. Sorry, bud.


Ok well, n'ternet s'all dried up 'round these parts, 'fraid. Be headin' out Californieway soon hopin' to find it again. See ya then!


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May 31, 2008 - 09:44 PM
A Picture Summary of Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater for Shin.








































































































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May 30, 2008 - 11:41 PM
Trip of Discovery to Science Museum Poses More Questions Than Answers.





Response entries:
An even greater mystery has surfaced in the Science Museum by Dullenplain

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[public entry #57]

May 25, 2008 - 02:17 AM
Celebrity Space Colony, Season 1


THE FIRST VOTED OUT OF THE COLONY IS NICK NOLTE






















THE REMAINING CELEBRITIES' TEMPERS FLARE AS THEY STRUGGLE WITH A DEADLY LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCE.



















AN EXPLODING OXYGEN GENERATOR LAUNCHES SCOTT BAKULA SPREAD EAGLE INTO THE DEEP REACHES OF OUTER SPACE.






























NICK NOLTE WON'T GO AWAY.







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[public entry #55]

May 24, 2008 - 01:11 AM
Concerning the Wearing of Pants
In LeHah's plan... he is beltless.


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[public entry #54]

May 16, 2008 - 05:32 PM
Dine in St. Petersburg!
The one-story pink pavilion in Mikhailovsky Gardens was once a public toilet, but don't let that deter you. The Park Guiseppe restaurant (812/117-7309) now has a splendid terrace overlooking the gardens and the Church of the Savior on the Spilled Blood. Good pizzas!



***


Hey guys what's up?


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Apr 4, 2008 - 05:05 PM
The Yellow Bell Pepper Meets Chairman Takeshi Kaga






Pre Kaga











































Kaga






















































Post Kaga



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[public entry #52]

Apr 2, 2008 - 09:45 PM
A Quick Reminder of What is Best in Life.
1. To crush your enemies.

2. To see them driven before you.

3. To hear the lamentation of the women.



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[public entry #51]

Mar 2, 2008 - 03:39 PM
It is Done.

The Blood Grinder has been ordered!







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[public entry #50]

Feb 28, 2008 - 05:18 PM
Steve Irwin Sighted in Hotel Ballroom (slow journal day #67).







Man would it be so awesome if a dead celebrity was haunting your house. Think of all the potential supernatural laughs a family could have living in the home of a dead comedian. (Echoing rimshots and applause from the bathtub drain.)

Eventually the weekend ouji fun with a group of friends would die out, I imagine, after about the thirtieth time Ghost John Candy commands everyone in the room, one letter at a time, to watch Wagons East! again.


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[public entry #49]

Feb 22, 2008 - 11:04 PM
Injured Dog Rescued From A Ditch
I just brought home a dog that was hit by a car.


I noticed the silhouette of a dog writhing around on the side of the road on my way to the corner store. This was right across the street from my house, so after getting gas, I turned back to go check on the dog. I parked my truck in my driveway, then walked across the street.

By that time he had made his way deep into the ditch, still attempting to get up. He's a medium-sized pit bull, maybe 50-60 lbs. Both of his back legs are broken, or at least badly injured. He can move the front of his body, but the back half is dead weight. I comforted him for a minute, then gently scooped him out of the mud and carried him back to my house.


He's back in my room now, wrapped in sheets and towels, with a water dish nearby. There's no external bleeding, but who knows what's going on inside. He moans and yelps every time I leave him alone, so I've spent most of the last hour or so letting him rest on my leg. I smell like sewage.


There are no tags or collar, and it's too late to take him to an animal shelter as they're all closed up for the night. There's an emergency vet waaaaay across town, but I'm worried that by taking him there I'll be expected to foot the bill. Which I can't afford, sorry to say. The shelter opens in the morning, so I guess the plan is to let him sleep here until they open. Hopefully they'll be able to suggest what to do from here. I wish there was something I could do for him tonight, but I just don't know what. ;_;



Response entries:
Memories of FDR & How He Wouldn't Drink Water From Tupperware. by Ah! Amoeba

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[public entry #48]

Feb 18, 2008 - 06:02 PM
Putty.
Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:













































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































Currently Playing: Putty Theme

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[public entry #47]

Feb 17, 2008 - 09:53 PM
Denicalis: The Man Behind The Mask, Spandex, Cape, and Countless Layers of T-Shirts.


Deni rocks the motherfucking house down!

YouTube Video



Looking as sexy as ever, buddy.


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[public entry #46]

Jan 10, 2008 - 06:08 PM
Collateral Damage.
Response to: This Baby Will Self-Destruct in 3 Hours. (Time's Up) by Ah! Amoeba

Immediately after submitting the post-explosion picture of that beautiful baby boy my computer crashed. I mean, immediately. So, it's back to bumming around on my brother's AcerBandit laptop until I can get it fixed.



Fucking babies, man.


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[public entry #45]

Jan 9, 2008 - 09:07 PM
This Baby Will Self-Destruct in 3 Hours. (Time's Up)
There was nothing you could have done for him.


















The original idea for this entry was some half-baked idea about seeing how many comments I could get before the baby exploded, taking the entry with him.
Only reaching an arbitrarily set number of comments, or a convincing plea, could have disarmed the bomb, saving the baby and the entry. That's not happening anymore.
This baby is definitely going to die. Still, feel free to comment as much as you like. But rest assured, in three hours this baby will have detonated.




Starting now!



Response entries:
Collateral Damage. by Ah! Amoeba

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[public entry #44]

Jan 8, 2008 - 08:20 PM
I Have Here an Invention That Will Surely Turn This Company Around.




You know, for friends.




Response entries:
The Two-Person Hat. by Ah! Amoeba

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[public entry #42]

Jan 8, 2008 - 02:34 AM
Job-Related Topics of Conversation
You'd be surprised by the amount of semen discovered on children's books and cardboard displays of Pocahontas. It's certainly a lot more than you'd expect! The bitch of being the one to uncover this curious fact is you don't know it's there until you touch it with your hands. There has been no word on whether the books used for cum-dumping have a tendency towards being junior fiction, picture books, or pop-ups. My money is on Touch-and-Feel and Dick & Jane books, though.



Did you know about homeless people's proclivity for shitting in and around book stores? Hey, me either! Apparently it happens all the time. And by that I mean every 3 seconds. My favorite story about this occurrence so far has been the one about the dude who did it on the bottom landing of an in-store escalator. Details are fuzzy here, too. Of course, I see no harm really in adding a bit to the story should I ever feel the need to retell it to the uninitiated. In my version, he takes the shit on the top step, and waves goodbye to it as it slowly rides its way down to the first floor.


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[public entry #41]

Jan 3, 2008 - 10:47 PM
Radiohead's In Rainbows Bonus Disc. [In Superior Format!]
Hosting this for whoever was interested in hearing the bonus material, but didn't have the extra dough to spring for the Discbox set.




Enjoy, Shin.







» MK 1
» Down is the New Up
» Go Slowly
» MK 2
» Last Flowers
» Up on the Ladder
» Bangers and Mash
» 4 Minute Warning



In Rainbows (BONUS CD)



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Jan 3, 2008 - 09:52 PM
"That's a pretty funny way to spell "puck" you know..."
It was put to me that I could not successfully log in to Gamingforce by typing with my face. Deciding to be the optimist, I put my name on the line that I definitely could!



This is the name my face has chosen.


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[public entry #39]

Dec 25, 2007 - 12:15 AM
Merry Christmas from the Trunk of Mall Santa's Car.
He said he wanted to give me my presents early.
























He said my parents had it all planned. And maybe they did.




















Then he hit me with a tire iron.

The same tire iron on which I am now lying, and is driving its way into my inner thigh. Ha ha.


Ow.














We've been driving for hours. Satan Clause is Coming to Town is playing on repeat. I am very cold. Is this what happens when you're bad? Maybe if I had been better behaved when we went out at night. Maybe if I had payed more attention in school, and at church. Maybe if I was nicer to my sister...



On the bright side, if I live through this experience, there's no reason I shouldn't get everything I ever want from now on. The rest of my family will spend the rest of their lives trying making this up to me, and I will gladly accept everything they buy me. Because I deserve it.



Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad.




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Dec 20, 2007 - 10:50 PM
New Avatar. Soulless Cats.
"Listen - I'm not killing cats just for the fun of it."




"I'm not so disturbed I find it amusing," he went on.





"I'm not just some dilettante with time on his hands.






"It takes a lot of time and effort to gather and kill this many cats. I'm killing them to collect their souls, which I use to create a special kind of flute. And when I blow that flute it'll let me collect even larger souls. Then I collect larger souls and make an even bigger flute. Perhaps in the end I'll be able to make flute so large it'll rival the universe. But first come the cats. Gathering their souls is the starting point of the whole project. There's an essential order you have to follow in everything. It's a way of showing respect, following everything in the correct order. It's what you need to do when you're dealing with souls. It's not pineapples and melons I'm working with here, agreed?"





***







Updating my avatar is about the highlight of my day so far. Well, there was one point during late morning I found myself watching television in a pair of glowing white sailor pants, shirtless, and chomping on a giant block of Coby cheese. That was pretty depressing in retrospect. Considering this kind of behavior, it's no surprise the thought came to me later in the day of making a shirt that said in black lettering on white, "THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I WANTED TO LIVE." The real draw of the shirt is it'd be marketed to the twelve and under demographic. Preferably those who have ignorant and neglectful parents. I was Christmas shopping at the time, so that may have had an effect on my chain of thought.


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Dec 13, 2007 - 09:59 PM
Halloween 200X / Journal Entry Graveyard


'Sup knkwzrd.














----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT 12/13/07
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
edited entry browsing music.

Eh, I am not really satisfied with the content in this entry, so, I'm just going to merge it with an abandoned entry idea I hinted to AcerBandit I was going to do something with a while back: screen caps of his signature stomping all over other people in the YouTreasure Tube! =D

Spoiler:




I took the pictures, told Acer to WATCH OUT MAN, but then had no idea how to make an entry about them.











----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT 12/13/07
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Might as well make this entry a future dumping ground for abandoned journal entry topics!

Okay, here's a news article I was going to use for a "sorry I haven't posted, just letting you know I'm not dead" journal entry. It was going to be titled something like, I Prove I Was Not Urged By Angry Motorists to Jump Off a Birdge By Posting a News Clipping About a Woman Who Was Urged by Angry Motorists to Jump Off a Bridge. That definitely wouldn't fit though, so it'd probably been more like, Jump Off a Birdge By Posting a News Clipping About a Woman!


Spoiler:


The part that's held together with tape and hair says: "A woman leaped from a Seattle highway bridge into a ship canal Tuesday after frustrated drivers stuck in the rush-hour traffic jam she created yelled for her to jump, police said.
"Commuters were coming by and urgining her to jump and that was on the mild side of...""

I decided a journal entry saying "I still make journal entries" should say something better, be about something better. Photo-shopping toast onto football players, for example.





As you can tell, I don't follow through on a lot of journal entry ideas I get.





Fitness Video




Now Playing: Pump the arms like I'm in the mud!


Praise for Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End


★★★★★ Great Entertaining Movie!
A reviewer, A reviewer, 09/15/2007

Depp as Jack, is extremely entertaining! I'm not sure real pirates are this funny, but it's definitely worth watching!




★★★★★ AWEsome movie!
A reviewer, Proud Pirates fan!, 10/09/2007

I am one of the biggest Pirates of the Caribbean fans out there, and I was nervous going to see the third one because I was worried it wouldn't turn out as AMAZING as the other two, but that was SO AWEsome!!! I saw it so, so many times in theatres, and can not wait for the DVD on December 4th! Everyone included in these films was OUTSTANDING, and deserve millions and millions of awards.





★★★★★ BEST PIRATE MOVIE EVER!!!!
Erin and Megan, A reviewer, 09/23/2007

It's so out standing that my friend,and my family saw it three times in the theaters and my parents said that it was their FIRST TIME SEEING ONE MOVIE THREE TIMES IN A ROW AT THE THEATER!!!!!!!!!




★★★★★ This Is The Best Movie Of All Time!
Sean, a person who loves movies, 08/25/2007

As Far As I know!, this has got to be the best movie of all time!, because of many resons, and there is so many resons, that It would most likely take up all of the space on my reviewing this movie on this site so that should b e all that you need to know, that this is basically the best movie ever made!. And by the way I'm a movie critic who's giving this movie a total of five stars!!!!!, So that should explain how awsome and amazing this this movie is in all ways, shapes and forms!. Movie Critic. Atlanta Ga.






The fan art of Orlando Bloom getting gang raped by skeleton Geoffrey Rush and his undead crew should have gone here.




A Nice Cake is Waiting For You!










Also open for discussion: finding REAL cakes or pies in public restrooms, and whether we decided to eat them or not.


No and no. =/



Supposedly it is Better than Cave Story

Tales of Game's Studios Presents: Barkley Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden,
Part I of the Hoopz Barkley SaGA






There was a trailer for this in someone's journal recently, and I knew then that I HAD to find this game and play it. It is only 4 - 5 hours long, and by most accounts deserving of Game of the Year 2008. =,D

Can't wait to start collecting those neo-shekels!



Feb 2, 2008 - 09:40 PM Sunshine.

What is your opinion of this movie? I've read next-to-nothing about how this was generally received upon release. I can look that up, sure, but I'm more curious what people I actually know and like have to say.


I just finished watching it with my brother and we both think it is phenomenal. It even has me liking and feeling sympathy for that douche bag who plays Johnny Storm in the Fantastic 4 movies, which is no small feat.









He's so Talented.

In This Entry: What little quality control this journal may have had in place at the start continues to fly out the window with every new entry.


EVANGELION エヴァンゲリオン 実写版OP
YouTube Video





Listen to What I am Listening to ATM MACHINE FEED ME A STRAY CAT


Now that I've broken common ground with my first avatar chain, I am going to jump on board the Music Exposure Journal Entries gravy convoy. HEY GOOD-LOOKIN', WE'LL BE BACK TO PICK YOU UP LATER! To get a featured album to you quickly, I'll be uploading them to my host site, so that you are not bogged down with access codes and wait times. But since I have a relatively small kb cap for now, I'll only be hosting each one for a few days, so grab it while you can!



Here is a highly recommended hip-hop album from someone who has generally despised most rap and hip-hop his entire life (and not from a lack of exposure). Not that this album is a revolution that will convert anyone already adamantly opposed to this sort of music, but hey, if you've tried unsuccessfully in the past to get into hip-hop, and are willing to give it a few more chances, you may find it worthwhile. For me, this is just one of many MF Doom albums I am growing to love beyond measure.

























KING GEEDORAH TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER
download





Eating my words by the mouthful.



Jan 29, 2008 - 09:23 PM Select a Fighter



Carl Jr - AniMechanic


Ceaser


The Colonel - Peptide Cowboy


Jack - Kairyu


The King - RockgamerXIII


The Noid - knkwzrd


Oven Mitt


Wendy - Elidibs


Ronald - Ah! Puck



This is a spontaneous avatar chain. Effective immediately! It lasts until you are tired of using your avatar! There are no signatures because this was not planned. Had it been planned, chances are I wouldn't have done it at all.


Leave a comment, claim a franchise!

Source image.




It Will Find A New Host.













It always does.


Hypothetical Device


Quote:
for recovering liquid water from the atmosphere by partially duplicating natural moist-convection processes has been proposed by Victor P. Starr and David Anati of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Their device, called the aerological accelerator, would consist essentially of a long, double-walled plastic tube filled with helium and allowed to float freely in the atmosphere at a fixed height above a parcel of land in a normally arid coastal region.

I want to climb up the inside.



Jan 24, 2008 - 10:24 PM Forewarning on Upcoming Journal Trend.

The science building on campus is giving way free Scientific American magazines published in the mid-to-late 70's. I loaded up five into my bag yesterday, and if there's any left by Monday, I'll grab five or so more. Not that I'm a scientific sorta fellow (I doubt I can make it through this article about "The Confinement of Quarks" without getting a throbbing headache), I just find it interesting to see articles and advertisements from so long ago. "We've hit some great new lows in miniature rectangular connectors." Indeed!


Expect to see several image heavy entries soon, with a focus on advertisements, photography, and nuclear paranoia.





Jan 23, 2008 - 11:41 PM In This Entry, I Miss Not Having [mp3] Tags / Bagel Fantasy.
We were all set to enjoy a picture slide-show of repulsive and filthy vagrants, sad and forgotten, receiving thousand-dollar makeovers into handsome, confident, and eligible (yet still homeless, unfortunately) bachelors, set to the classic stylings of Roy Orbison's iconic "Pretty Woman". It's for the best. It was unlikely to be funny to anyone but myself anyway.




In other news, today I looked out the glass door of my bedroom to see a pink rose beginning to bloom right against the window pane. I imagined it fully blooming into a delicious bagel that would fall off the stem onto the patio, where I could then easily pick it up off the ground and eat it without having to negotiate the plant's prickly thorns.





Get Quick-Rich Scheme #1: Reality Television!


There is a marginal demographic of the populace yet to be exploited by television network VIPs looking for quick values-debasing cash-ins to keep them in the black as WE ALL struggle through the writer's strike...


Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:

the homeless.











The premise is simple and soulless: a make-over show that aims to deceive gold-digging socialite wanna-be's into falling in love with, and marrying, a person whom they believe to be a millionaire, but who in actuality lays claim to absolutely no assets, has no future, and who before the tapping of this show was quite content with eating TRASH CAN MEAT. Gold, Jerry! Gold!


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Dec 11, 2007 - 07:41 PM
I Mysteriously Win Member of the Year and You All Give me A Spaceship



Which, in an elaborate prank sub-plot along the lines of the movie Carrie, happens to be aimed at the Moon.












Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:































































Then Bigblah comes out and accepts the real award, and eats a cake.

































:CHEERS:









It was the Navy I disappeared to join, Shin. But yeah. I guess I could tell that wasn't going to work out for me after about the third time I heard Lee Greenwood's Proud to be an American played to a room of teary-eyed recruits.




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Dec 5, 2007 - 11:14 PM
A McDonald's Sponsored Birthday: Hamburglar's Final Challenge.



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Dec 3, 2007 - 10:35 AM
Remember Your Prime Directives, A Lurker.
Response to: I Heard Lurker got a Promotion by DieSeLFueLeD

"Serve the public trust,
protect the innocent,
uphold the law."









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Nov 12, 2007 - 03:08 PM
ALRIGHT ACE COMBAT SQUAD, THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH!
Will you hurry up and carpet bomb this Gumby dude everywhere he goes until he stops coming around? Or at least until he stops reviving week old journal topics by jumping into a discussion he was not even apart of, just to add something mind-numbingly insipid?






And Gumby? It's best just to imagine a hail of gravity bombs as "constructive criticism". The Germans did! Anyway, we all know that nobody likes a person who can't take a couple incendiary bombs to the face without complaining.


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Nov 12, 2007 - 01:13 AM
This Journal Entry is Specifically for Kolba.
You may or may not have noticed the increase in the number of buddies I have acquired since my return. I'm up to 20 now, up from 16 or 17 I think. That number is likely to go higher, too, should I decide to go through with the preemptive adds of a few members whose journals I enjoy reading. (A quick little aside here: this is always a tricky decision. The long-term sense of rejection I will endure should they decide not add me in return always outweighs the short-lived sense of inclusion I get from having a larger buddy list. What's worse than this though, is when a current buddy removes you from their list, for unknown reasons. Sup Singularity!)

You've said something before along the lines of, having more than 25 people around here you can call a friend is just not being discriminate enough. Actually, I threw my personal friend cap in there, but I think 25 is an agreeable limit. Anyway, I am inclined to agree. But maybe I'm wrong to think that, and my expanding list of friends is proof. I must admit, however, that I do not have it in me to outright refuse a new friend. When someone preemptively adds me, I have to add them in return. I can't help it. It is just RUDE to not add them, unless of course I have a legitimate reason not to, which they themselves are aware of. I mean, what can it hurt? Obviously I am doing something this person likes! Why not let them be my friend?

So, I guess the point I am making is I am sorry if my growing friends list leaves you feeling lumped in with undesirables. I know the special feeling you get when you're apart of a small, select group - I enjoy it as much as you do! But these are new times for me around here. I'm out it the forums now. I'm making multiple entries a day! Doing such a thing was inconceivable to me just a year ago. Making more friends is inevitable should I continue on this course.


Has this eased your concern at all? Were you even concerned in the first place? Either way, I felt it was best just to address the issue now. You're one of my faithful journal proppers, and I just want to let you know it is appreciated. In fact, you're now a member of the most exclusive category of my online friends: the dedicated journal entry. Only two other buddies of mine can claim that, if I'm not mistaken: Elmoogle and AcerBandit. And just know that no matter how many tenuous friendships I form here in the coming months/years, you'll always be apart of the group that's been here from the beginning.








PS. To make extra sure you aren't feeling forgotten or neglected as a forum buddy, I'll try to send you a PM from time to time informing you of how funny and cool I think you are.




Response entries:
Puck. by Kolba

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Nov 11, 2007 - 08:20 PM
In This Entry, We Give Thanks for Gold Pants.
Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:


































































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Nov 5, 2007 - 10:32 PM
Smashed Little People.



























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Nov 5, 2007 - 10:28 AM
This Journal Entry is Brought to You by McDonald's.


I tried thinking of a less obvious word to use in a BASHIN' MCDONALD'S JOKE LOL, but all I could think about was getting 2 apple cinnamon pies for a dollar.



The original idea for this entry was just to have this image and a short comment, which is kind of lame. But, while looking up which is the latest country to build a McDonald's, I came across a few facts. Everybody loves facts! And countries!


Former locations

1. (1994 - 2 days) Iran
2. (1997-2002) Bolivia
3. (1996 - six months) Barbados
4. (1994-2003) Trinidad and Tobago
5. (1985-1995) Bermuda
6. (1995-2005) Jamaica

Countries without McDonald's locations
  • Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, Angola, Antigua and Barbuda, Armenia
  • Bangladesh, Barbados, Belize, Benin, Bhutan, Bolivia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Botswana, Burkina Faso, Burundi
  • Cambodia, Cameroon, Cape Verde, Central African Republic, Chad, Comoros, Republic of the Congo, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Côte d'Ivoire, Cuba
  • Djibouti, Dominica
  • East Timor, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Ethiopia
  • Gabon, Gambia, Ghana, Grenada, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Guyana
  • Haiti
  • Iran, Iraq
  • Jamaica
  • Kenya, Kiribati, Kyrgyzstan
  • Laos, Lesotho, Liberia, Libya
  • Madagascar, Malawi, Maldives, Mali, Marshall Islands, Mauritania, The Federated States of Micronesia, Mongolia, Mozambique, Myanmar
  • Namibia, Nauru, Nepal, Niger, North Korea, Nigeria
  • Palau, Papua New Guinea
  • Rwanda
  • Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Sao Tome and Principe, Senegal, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Solomon Islands, Somalia, Sudan, Swaziland, Syria, Tajikistan
  • Tanzania, Togo, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Tunisia, Turkmenistan, Tuvalu
  • Uganda, Uzbekistan
  • Vanuatu, Vietnam, Vatican City
  • Yemen
  • Zambia, Zimbabwe


Golden Arches Theory of Conflict Prevention

In Thomas L. Friedman's 1999 book The Lexus and the Olive Tree the following theory was presented: "No two countries that both had McDonald's had fought a war against each other since each got its McDonald's".


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Nov 4, 2007 - 09:39 PM
Dear AcerBandit,
I can't stop thinking about you. <3

EVER. ;_;





























Spoiler:









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Nov 4, 2007 - 05:25 PM
A Few Questions to Get Me Up to Speed Around Here.
I've been away for a pretty long time and a lot of things are different from when I used to be around. Now that I'm back (for good?), would anyone mind pointing out the blatantly obvious to me?



  • So I figured [youtube] out, but how do I insert sound files into a post with vb code?

  • The profile picture gallery that was on Quick Links is gone; has it been moved, or has that feature been completely scrapped?

  • There doesn't seem to be any way to check "Who's Been Proppin'" journal comments. Is there?

  • Is Basil an old member with a new name? Who? (Same goes for Midna.)

  • What happened to the Pre-crash Archives? =(

  • I've read comments about a "prop cap"; how does that work? I mean, what's the limit? Does that number include every type of prop there is to give, or are they seperated?



Okay, I guess that's pretty much it. The story behind the change to .org and what happened with Bobo is still a big mystery to me, but I have a feeling that is a whole long-ass story nobody will want to explain, so I'll just mention it casually in a closing paragraph and hope someone will take it upon themselves to tell me the story anyway. SO CLEVER.


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Nov 3, 2007 - 01:02 AM
HEY YOU ACE COMBAT GUYS!




Can you handle a little competition? >=D


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Nov 2, 2007 - 10:57 PM
Darsh Did Not Respond To My Private Message.
So now I am calling you out in front everyone on the mountain, Darsh.





So. Darsh. I've been skiing for twenty-two years. Think you could beat me?


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Nov 1, 2007 - 02:48 AM
Depressing Trend: Michael J. Fox is Vanishing from People's Minds.
"ARE THOSE YOUR NORMAL CLOTHES (FROWN)?"


"ARE YOU A CAMPER?"


"HUNTER?"


"CAMPER/HUNTER?!"





Once I told them, they knew exactly who I was, but I never thought I'd have to explain Marty Fucking McFly to anyone. Equally depressing was my quest to find a copy of Teen Wolf. Not the fact that I was on such a quest (that sunk in later), but the fact that it TURNED INTO a quest to begin with. Blockbuster? "Don't have it." Hollywood? "Nuh-uh" Best Buy =D? LAUGHTER ALL AROUND. Turns out they had it in a Barnes and Nobles halfway across town, but by then I had already ordered it off of amazon. I just wanted to RENT the damn thing. =(


Ummmmmm.
A journal entry dedicated to an exaggerated issue that probably only really exists in my head in the first place is pretty weak, so I'll leave you on an uplifting note - with a screen-cap slide show of the ending to Teen Wolf! Actually, I am lying. The real point of the slide show is so you can laugh at the headless extra standing in the bleachers with her pants completely undone.




































"FREEZE FRAME"

(phew)


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Oct 31, 2007 - 10:51 AM
IN THE FUTURE! (Skin Tissue is Printed on Discarded Inkjet Printers!)
Response to: The Answer to Calm You of All Your CD Swap Frustations by Ah! Amoeba

Tracklist:


01 Death Screams
02 Full House
03 Woman Falling
04 21 Jump Street
05 Demonic Laughter
06 Golden Girls
07 Mad Gorilla
08 Gimme a Break
09 Pitiful People






So I guess none of you are looking forward to recieving an entire cd of halloween scream and groan effects, mixed with late 80's/early 90's television themes. SADFACE. And these aren't even the best tracks. You have yet to even hear "leg chopped off", "Frankenstein's Heartbeat", "red hot poker in eye", or even the full version of Gary Portnoy's "Where Everybody Knows Your Name" (ok maybe this one). Fair enough, fair enough.

You can at least do yourself a favor and download some jammin' Monster Tunes. For Halloween's sake. =(


Monster Sounds & Boppin' Tracks, vol. 1



It is a collection of oldies horror-themed rock songs (think Monster Mash). It's perfect Halloween music. Get it while you can! I am taking it down tomorrow because it's eating up all my storage space. Like the Blob did to that one guy's arm. EXACTLY like that.


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Oct 30, 2007 - 11:28 PM
The Answer to Calm You of All Your CD Swap Frustations
Response to: I'm frustrated with you people. by I poked it and it made a sad sound













Take what you just heard, then add an hour and 11 minutes! Now are you excited? =D


I will post the tracklist in a separate journal entry. IN THE FUTURE!





Response entries:
IN THE FUTURE! (Skin Tissue is Printed on Discarded Inkjet Printers!) by Ah! Amoeba

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Oct 30, 2007 - 01:39 PM
There Exists a Universe Where Joe Peschi Commands Ferocious Wolves.







Quelques célébrités mises en images fantastiques


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Oct 24, 2007 - 02:33 PM
His Eyes Hatch and Ruin Easter Breakfast for the Entire Family
Response to: ITE: Geordi LaForge Takes Off His Visor and Celebrates Easter. by Ah! Amoeba







(REFRESH)


























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Oct 24, 2007 - 02:09 AM
You TestTube.
YouTube Video




















The vBcode FAQ could use an update to include YouTube embedding, to inform both the new members who are new to Vbcode (but care enough to check the FAQ ;_; ), and the old members who disappeared for a year and missed the announcement on some of the cool new features. (I'll make a suggestion to Board Support sometime tomorrow?)

Also, Young@Heart is the greatest cover band in the world. This entry was originally supposed to be about them, but then I tried to embed the videos.


YouTube Video
Error; are you sure that's a YouTube link?

One thing that makes them so great is the fact they cover songs with titles like "Schizophrenia" and "I Wanna Be Sedated". I tried finding more on YouTube, but I only get two worthwhile videos, Coldplay's "Fix You" (heartbreaking) and "Staying Alive/I Will Survive" combo.

Lame. Logic-lame.



Currently Playing: Young@Heart - Staying Alive!

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Oct 22, 2007 - 11:03 AM
Go! Go! Go! Aaow!




Currently Playing: P.Y.T.

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Oct 22, 2007 - 02:42 AM
ITE: Geordi LaForge Takes Off His Visor and Celebrates Easter.





Response entries:
His Eyes Hatch and Ruin Easter Breakfast for the Entire Family by Ah! Amoeba

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Oct 19, 2007 - 12:25 PM
5 of these are true, 5 of these are Christopher Lambert
Goro can be killed. Shang Tsung's power can be destroyed by mortal men and women. You can overcome any obstacle, no matter how bizarre their powers may seem. Only one thing can defeat you... Your own fear.

BEGIN!





1. Brushing my teeth makes me vomit. So I have to brush my teeth again. Which makes me vomit more. So I brush my teeth again. Until I EVEN MORE VOMIT! And so on, until I am crying from disgust and exhaustion, my limp arm struggling to get the toothbrush back into my mouth...

2. I have fantasies about how much fun I might have being a homeless person, while at the same time harboring an irrational fear that average Hobo Joe probably wants to beat me to death with a rusty lead pipe.

3. In 1984 director Hugh Hudson cast me in the title role of Greystoke - The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes

4. I am a close friend of Mario Van Peebles.

5. For a personal message from me, click here:
Spoiler:
Dear all,
It is always very rewarding to have people sticking behind you and asking questions about your life. I'm trying my best to not disappoint you and to give you updates as often as possible. Maybe one day we could set a date to have a chat on line.... Best of luck to all of you and lots of love to the ladies


6. I have a mentally disabled dog named after a character from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series, who is right now simultaneously farting and growling while sleeping.

7. This morning I had the awesome idea to eat cheese sticks with marinara sauce as soon as I woke up, which was, as usual, sort of short-sighted on my part.

8. My favorite movie is Mortal Kombat!

9. My feature acting debut was in the 1980 film The Telephone Bar, which was the first time I uttered my trademark phrase, "there can be only one (Telephone Bar!)"


10. More than likely I am in desperate need for a shower.




BONUS. I was once the original actor to play Swamp Thing, but was fired from that role after getting into a fist fight with the director in waist-deep swamp water while still in full costume.


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Jun 10, 2007 - 05:16 PM
Shiny Boots of Leather.
My captors have allowed me 2 more minutes of outside contact to say hi to friends and family. Then it's back underground, swabbing the bathroom floors with my toothbrush, which I had to construct myself out of boot leather and hairs shaved from my own head.




So,
Howdy! =D


P.S. PLZ Send toothbrush


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Jun 10, 2007 - 04:40 PM
Two New Ribbons.
Liberty WKEND
This one is for surfing.





This one is for typing.


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Dec 6, 2006 - 03:12 AM
Eat Gushers® Fruit Snacks!



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Dec 4, 2006 - 01:57 PM
100 Geoffrey Rushes


















Currently Playing: The Beets - Killer Tofu

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Dec 3, 2006 - 04:34 AM
Dr. Applegate's Instantastic Foodgineering Machine.







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Dec 1, 2006 - 01:02 AM
Para el Moogle & el Futuro es Muchedumbres
Marching band plays Radiohead.

Part I
Part II
Part III



Now, faces in crowds.
Spoiler:




It's probably no coincidence that there’s at least one visibly retarded person in every picture taken of these Radiohead fans. Luckily I am sitting way back in the stands somewhere and cannot be made out.







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Nov 19, 2006 - 11:26 PM
A Sweet Goodbye for a Bad Bad Guy

Too bad ol' Leroy didn't carry a teddy bear in his boot; those things are pretty cute. Even to the criminally insane! Its shiny eyes, pleading and soulless, would have put a smile in James' miserly heart, distracting him long enough for Leroy to plunge something into his wide and vulnerable neck! A second plush teddy hidden in the waist of his jeans!





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Nov 18, 2006 - 11:56 PM
Women Cause Misfortune at Sea: Upon Uncovering Mary Read's Disguise

A painting of our island, Mary. I ran out of water colors before I could finish the coral. I colored it in using the Captain's blood and the last bottle of root beer.


13 Shiprwecked {From the End}



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Oct 28, 2006 - 02:23 PM
I Am a Fan (of SMT:DDS2)
'Gonna be some spoilin' uphead.






























Ayup.
Spoiler:
Serph dies

Spoiler:
Heat dies (?)

Spoiler:
Roland dies

Spoiler:
Argilla dies

Spoiler:
Heat dies (for real this time)

Spoiler:
Gale dies

Spoiler:
Cielo dies

Spoiler:
Serph dies (again)


And uh, they were all technically dead from the start (except Roland), so go ahead and chalk up five more bodies.

Currently Playing: Digital Devil Saga 2, Final Stage

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Oct 23, 2006 - 11:33 AM
Little Rabbit Ambulance Takin' the Bodies Away



Quote:
Highway 59 is a two-lane rope of asphalt that rolls across the flatlands of northeast Wyoming and slices through the Thunder Basin National Grassland. These days, the road is littered with the bodies of rabbits that have paid dearly in their quest for the green grass, water and warmth the roadway provides.

In a stunning and not-for-the-squeamish 112-mile stretch of highway running between Douglas and Gillette, a tally by a reporter (and you think your job has some weird aspects) showed more than 3,000 dead jackrabbits and cottontails scattered along the road.

"Sometimes when you drive that road at night," said Wyoming Department of Transportation executive Tim Stark, "there's a regular rhythm to it. You hit several of them every minute. It's steady. Thump, thump, thump."
I like this story because the rabbits don't even care. They will sleep on the road every night, not even bothering to get up when vehicles start to approach.


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Oct 22, 2006 - 03:30 AM
Familiarizing Yourself with Your Manly Needs, Pt. 1: Girls and Catfish
Quote:
Sometimes a new product comes along that meets such an obivious need you can't believe you didn't think of it. In this case, Marty and Fostana Jenkins got the jump on the rest of us by recognizing that the world needed a DVD that combined the water-thrashing thrill of catfish noodling with scenes of coeds and Southern moms splashing around in a river.” --Doug Hewlett, Outdoor Life Magazine.
Let’s get right to the point. All their lives, average men have been dreaming of a way to combine the two things that truly excite them the most in this world: hot chicks and giant catfish. It was't asking a lot. It seemed simple enough. Yet the successful marriage of these two wonderful (and sexy) things has eluded man for centuries – UNTIL NOW.
Spoiler:

WOOOOOOOOOOO!

Alright, so maybe this sort of thing appeals to below-average men (MAYBE). But they are men nevertheless. The MANLIEST men. And their fantasy deserves an equal shot at being fulfilled, okay. Besides, they haven’t had such an easy time of realizing this modest dream. Early attempts by these men – and they were honest attempts – at combining a catfish and a woman, while imaginative, were hopelessly optimistic. And ultimately, they failed to move beyond vague hand-drawn plans and an even vaguer understanding of DNA manipulation and gene splicing.
Spoiler:


Luckily, one day two of these men had an epiphany: women battling monster catfish! On film!
Spoiler:



It was perfect! It was hot! It was everything for which they were looking, only with a chance of maybe seeing a few girls drown!
Spoiler:




They even had a clever take on an already familiar brand-name. ”We’ll call it… Girls Gone Grabblin'. Hmm. Yeeeaaah.” Now they just needed a target demographic – YOU.

”It’s, uh, just like Girls Gone Wild, but with fewer BIG TITS and more PANGASIANODON GIGAS. Oh man, we’re fucking GENIUSES. People will totally pay for this!”


GIRLS GONE GRABBLIN’ DVD! Be one of the first to watch & be amazed as 35 Southern Women bring you the thrill of catching catfish weighing up to 44lbs!





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May 7, 2006 - 09:01 PM
Where's coeccias?


Please raise your hand!



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Mar 24, 2006 - 11:28 AM
A Photographic Catalogue of the Failed Flights of Li Wei's Jet Shorts.
















Mr. Wei is currently in the care of his longtime nurse and girlfriend, recovering from serious head trauma.







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Gamingforce Choco Journal
Ah! Amoeba's Journal


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