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May 8, 2011 - 08:53 AM |
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Day 1 |
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As ever, I reject any responsibility for the behavior of the Sims. The actions and behaviors of the Sims are not to be construed as reflections of the real people they represent. I just turn on the AI and watch it go. If your Sim does something weird it's not my fault.
And christ, do they ever.
The group arrives in good spirits. Shin is already enthused about all the new and exotic American furnishings he may encounter.
Indeed, the mere sight of a mundane lamppost reduces him to manly tears.
"If I find Denicalis", Garr muses, "it's curtains for him." Deni attempts to hide behind some lovely sunflowers.
But the sunflowers betray him.
Skills takes a moment to try out the drums, only to be startled when Rasputin enters the room. No one may observe him during Special Drum Time! No one! Ever. Time to hide.
Shin observes an empty fish tank with some dismay. He was feeling... peckish.
TRAMAMPOLINE! TRABAPOLINE!
"Gech. Gech! Check out my moose impression."
"Look how precisely mooselike I am. Or, if you prefer, elklike."
"THERE IS NO REST IN MOOSE TERRITORY!"
Rasputin waits patiently. The drummer would return. He would have to. And then — ! Ah yes, and then. Rasputin waits.
But Skills has already forgotten the drums, he's enjoying a delicious buffet of flowers.
"This house is okay", Deni opines; "but it would be better if it sparkled in the sun like a beautiful jewel. Or, if you prefer, like an elk."
"It would sparkle if we drenched it completely in soda", Zerg offers, and Deni approves this plan. The ends justify the means.
Shin stares out the window in horror as Operation Sparkle Motion goes into effect. He might have tried to stop them if he weren't already on his fifth drink of the morning.
"Listen, your 'legendary drummer' is never coming back. Come with me, and I will make you the finest player Karate Soccer has ever seen."
This was not Karate Soccer. No matter. Confronting the drummer could wait another day. What was one more day compared to decades of anguish?
Shin and his 8th drink of the morning retire to the hot tub.
But he can't relax. There are surely ladies in this town. Ladies he hasn't put the moves on.
Emboldened by about a liter of gin, Shin charges back into the house and smashes his face into a deeply uncomfortable Lurker. Deni lightens an awkward moment with song.
"SKYROCKETS IN FLIGHT —"
Lurker rushes to a sink to wash the English out of her mouth.
Shin returns to the hot tub, congratulating himself on a job well done.
"Alas, poor Baseball. I knew him, Gechmir, A fellow of infinite roundness, of most excellent — this isn't a soccer ball, you dick."
Meanwhile, Garr sniffs his pits in IMMERSIVE 3D
Rasputin somehow attains innate knowledge of a "Neighborhood Grill-Off" — happening at that very moment! Shouting a warning to the rest of the group, he leaps aboard his bike.
His bike is extremely uncomfortable.
The rest call for a taxi; Lurker and Shin make a point of absolutely refusing to look at each other.
But they get stuffed in the trunk together anyway.
They arrive to find him practicing his Angry Chess. It's like regular chess except you scowl the whole time. So, exactly like regular chess.
Garr discovers an unattended picnic basket! It was empty, yes, but someone had also left some watermelon.
"Only the force of law prevents me from crushing you underfoot, Gechmir."
Alas, the watermelon belongs to local Cornelia Goth, who regales him with endless tales of woe and mascara and also ravens.
Deni eventually arrives to drive her away, threatening to crush her underfoot as well. The conversation soon turns to the nature of the world.
Lurker gets a little too meta for everyone's comfort.
Skills happens upon Shin playing chess with an old man, and slowly backs up toward them. "This will be beautiful", he muses.
And it was.
As twilight sets in, a line forms for use of the public toilets. Gech gets a little lost.
Rather than admit his error, he pretends he meant to run into a brick wall. He caresses the wall sensually.
The Cheeseburger Theft: A Play In Four Acts
Zerg thinks about himself for only a moment, and is overwhelmed with horror.
In the midst of chatting up the lovely Ms. Goth, Shin is finally overpowered by the industrial quantities of liquor in his gut. Without further ado, he leaps to his feet and leaves an impressive puddle on the ground. Skills politely looks away. The argument between a man and his bladder was a private matter.
Later, Shin confers with young Mortimer Goth about how best to win his mother's affection. Mortimer feeds him some empty platitudes and quietly steals his wallet.
Soon, it's Skills who doesn't reach the toilet in time. "Look at this guy!", Shin announces a little too loudly. "What kind of loser does something like — am I right? Huh? Guys?"
The extremely awkward chess-and-burgers party carries on until 5 AM, whereupon nearly everyone goes to sleep on a park bench.
Everyone except Zerg, that is, who begins furiously scrubbing the park toilets and does not stop until he passes out.
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