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Infernal Monkey's Journal

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Nov 11, 2006 - 03:55 AM
Deadly Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead
:AUUUUUUGH:
The good news is that I'm running out of these disasters, and the few remaining are pretty good. The bad news is this isn't! But maybe that's a good thing. It's not Or is it? No.

Sengoku vs. Gendai / Deadly Strike



Developer: Psyworks
Publisher: D3 / Midas

For the first time ever the PAL box is better, and by better I mean yellow. The PAL box is certainly more yellow. Oh look it's not by 505 GameStreet this time! So GOKU VS GLEN (from accounting) or whatever, it's part of the 'Ultimate' series of Simple 2000 games. I don't know what this is supposed to mean, it's not like they're any different from the normal rubbish dumps! Here are some other titles in the Ultimate range.


Simple 2000: The Eyes


Simple 2000: The Musical Suicide


Simple 2000: The Down Syndrome


Simple 2000: The Ref and The Deadly Homosexual Delight
Inspired by that one scene in Akira, cruuuuushed!


Simple 2000: The Game Developer and the Frustration


Simple 2000: The Prostitute and the Obscure Locations


Simple 2000: The Lack of Medicare

But these are all most likely very entertaining titles! Something that cannot be said about Deadly Strike. CANNOT be said, it breaks the laws of the law of unbreakable laws. It's a hack and slash type thing, much like Tetris Attack, Q-Bert and Elevator Action. You run around, swing your sword, call it a day. There's a storyline, except it doesn't do its job of explaining 'what'. The introduction movie plays out, and wham you're taken back to the early 90's quality FMV. Let's see, there's someone hacking into a computer system, another one shoots some guy in the face with a laser gun which only ends up removing his shirt. That's a pretty good gun to have.

Oh my favorite part of the intro is a baby stroller rolling across a pedestrian crossing all by itself (reminded me of Ghostbusters 2) and WATCH OUT THERE'S A TRUCK APPROACHING. So this school girl who just happens to be walking by holding a butterfly net puts both these things together in her brain and the only possible solution she can think of is to KNOCK THE FUCKING TRUCK OVER. THE DRIVER PROBABLY DIED YOU BITCH. ;_; It's all here! About the 0:33 mark.

And that's it. Next thing you're choosing one of those characters and you're in the middle of nowhere. All the backgrounds are pre-rendered like Resident Evil, often featuring zero animation. Sure they can often look alright but everything is so DEAD. Know what isn't dead though? The enemies. Oh my they're very much alive. Wait, no they're not. The enemies in this game are as thick as pig shit. Sometimes they just won't EVER bother attacking you, even on the hard difficulty setting. Tra la la, let's just walk in circles, wonder what's for dinner tonight, hope it's braaaaains. Even the bosses won't take much notice and just keep randomly attacking the corner of the screen in the slim hope that you'll decide to walk over there. Or perhaps there's a deeper meaning to all this, maybe I'm the enemy here. That'll learn 'ya, stupid people I don't know in a place I've never been!

Another innovative feature of the game is getting stuck. Wanna walk over there? Whoooops, you're stuck! Haha! Canned laughter, we've got a sitcom. Once you're stuck, no amount of pushing the other direction on the dpad will free you, just keep running in the same direction, eventually you'll be free! Free as nazis! I like the amount of attacks in the game, you can either swing your sword or shoot your gun. What to do, what to do. If you're very lucky you can perform a combo, hitting someone in the air and then shooting them. I don't think any game's gonna do better than that! O button makes you roll, which is about as handy as a foot. What's there to ever roll away from? Holy crap the enemies are walking in circles, I'd better get out of here by rolling and getting stuck!

If you hate your friends, there's a two player option. When Jin was over I ruined his day with this, we played for about two minutes, but those two minutes took away several years of his life. You can't even bloody hit eachother, where's the fun in that? That was the only reason anyone ever played Battletoads in two player, because you sure as fucking hell couldn't ever get past the speeder bikes with two people. I can't go on much longer about Deadly Strike, more like Deadly Boring LOLHAHATEEHEE. The second boss is great, he spins around shooting fire balls in every direction. He makes a funny noise! Much more funny than the last boss who is very UNfunny, he just STANDS THERE. He might vanish and appear again in a different spot but that's it. What a tosser. Good thing I killed him and the credits rolled, then the title screen popped up again. Good thing I got an answer to what was going on with the stor-oh.

After you beat it you can go unlock garbage from the garbage dump with your points. Of course the most expensive item, with all the question marks, is just revealing outfits for all the characters. EVEN THE UGLY AS SIN GUYS.


These aren't guys, but they could be. Who knows. I feel sorry for the one on the bottom, I think she's just shattered her spine.

The only positive about this game is the music. That seems to be a common thing with these! Maybe I'm just so horrified by everything else that I'm thinking the music is better than it really is. If someone could alter this GIF so that there's only half of him, that'd be so cool I'd suck your whatever. Floor. Gotta get all dem dust mites up. So imagine this is only 1/2 out of five!

Final scare:

Made my own storyline, take THAT

Currently Playing: Mixmaster Mike - Board Burner

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Nov 10, 2006 - 07:50 AM
SLURPEE




BLUE FLAVOUR IS THE BEST.


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Nov 9, 2006 - 07:43 AM
Hardcore
I haven't done one of these entries in a while! So proud of myself, where's my gold star sticker? Been going through more of my old sketch books lately (there's about a hundred or so), pretty amusing stuff to tortue myself with on the can. Came across an Earthworm Jim bit, the book's dated 1994, so I drew this BEFORE I EVEN PLAYED THE GAME. The birth of true creepy obsession!



Excuse the brilient speling. Not sure why Peter Puppy's in a Lisa Simpson type skirt and.. that.. thing on the left. Maybe that was Major Mucus. Or just a shrub. Also Jim's gun looks a tad too hot for TV.

Also got slapped in the face with



A few days ago, in a book that wasn't dated! SO WHO KNOWS? I love wasting your time!

Currently Playing: Ellegarden - Gunpowder Valentine

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[public entry #72]

Nov 4, 2006 - 09:57 PM
Here have some kiwi fruit
Ultra cheesy cheese

I dunno why I like this but but but. Ripped it from the Footrot Flats DVD because I don't think it's anywhere else on the entire internet. PLAY ALONG TO THE MUSIC.





















Currently Playing: Fantasy Zone 2 - Hiyarika

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[public entry #71]

Nov 4, 2006 - 08:42 AM
Cannot be beaten





Put this together real quick can you tell? =)



IT'S BEEEEEYBLAAAAAADE


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[public entry #70]

Oct 30, 2006 - 07:34 AM
Help wanted or love wanted?


If only I could talk dirty in Arabic.

Currently Playing: Ellegarden - Stereoman

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[public entry #69]

Oct 29, 2006 - 07:42 AM
Long review is loooong (and of the highest standard)
Went through some of my old game mags this arvo.






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Oct 27, 2006 - 12:15 AM
Nooooooo
NOOOOOO:



NOOOOOOOO ;__;


Currently Playing: Vib Ribbon - Sunny Day

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[public entry #67]

Oct 26, 2006 - 10:47 PM
Title
I have today off, revealing all in the cool breeze. Took a feeew photos that don't show off much at all. Yesterday was fun, waiting for the MAAAAAMREEEEEE bus. There's this methadone clinic right near the bloody bus waiting bit/train station/third option, absolutely fantastic place to put it. All these half dead people waiting outside for it to open to get their fix, asking everybody walking past for a smoke. "Aw carm awn bro give us a farkin' smoke?" "I'm six years old!" "Yeah well fark you too ya farkin' pooftaaaah"

Eventually this cop pulls up in the no parking spot, gets out, PUTS ON HIS SERIOUS BUSINESS GLOVES. Tells them all to move on, a number of times, slower and slower, might have to talk in reverse soon enough. So they do. Right up to the shop next door, a few feet away. Not happy about this at all, serious business cop slowly walks back to his car, gets in. Five minutes later another cop appears. You called backup for this? You pussy. Now they all scatter, except one guy. He's sitting in the gutter reading this soggy bit of junk mail. They both stand over him, guy's like "HEY FAAARK OFF YA CUNTS". RIGHT THAT'S IT SERIOUS BUSINESS GUY IS ANGRY. Yanks him up, there's a hilarious struggle, junk mail guy's trying to push them away with all the power of a dead baby, ends up in the back of the car. Off they go. I wonder if this free play is on every week.


First photo I took after arriving yesterday, mostly just playing around with the camera, but to also capture the awesome collection of mature play stuff.


But then this guy just steps into view, looking at me with his arms crossed. Like he was going to shoot lasers at me or something. So I took his photo to keep him happy. I don't know who the hell he is. ;__;

We did the rope thing, it was pretty cool I guess. We had Booooooob as our motivational leader/twit. Come on guys you can do anything! Just gotta believe! Then Parappa fell out of the sky and we all started to h-h-h-h-heat the grill, t-t-t-t-toast the buns. As he's rambling on away, Nathan's like "hey hey" and then there's this long drawn out TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT trumpet style fart. So much so that Bob stops speaking. Being the extremely immature people we are, me and Nathan were giggling like school girls for at least ten minutes.


LOOKS LIKE THIS GUY'S GONNA DIE.

After the balance junk, we had to run this course all tied to eachother. Crawling under junk, climbing over junk, junking junk. Kind of like what they do in Survivor, except not staged. We had John on our 'team' and he cries over everything. He was being a dickhead and having another cry because running is soooooo annoying wah wah. He fell over at one point, and we started laughing and kept going anyway, dragging him up a ramp and stuff.


This was during the walk to get there from the main part of the place. Why not build the ropey party thingy closer? SO MUCH WALKING THROUGH HORSE SHIT.


YEAH YOU.


"THIS IS MY HORSE SHIT BOOOOOOY" oh no not the lasers!

Getting back, we were told to play a game of basketball. The place also tries to help high school kids that are TOO ANGRY, the trouble makers and all that. GO PLAY WITH THEM! I'm sure that'll help. Everyone's like "naw" and vanish to have their bloody million cups of coffee. I played. As in grabbing the ball and yelling "BASKETBAAAAAAALL IT'S BASKETBAAAAALLLLL".

After all that it was lunch time, we had to cook our own garbage on the BBQ. I'm sure that was some kind of team building thing, fighting over the snags that haven't been burnt to death. Because despite being told to do our own stuff we just left it all to Robert. He wanted to do it because *INSERT VERY LONG OFF-TOPIC STORY HERE* As everyone was setting up the chairs and all that, GUESS WHO SHOWS UP.


"THIS IS MY BBQ" None of us had any idea who he was even by the end of the day.




Mutated train carriages. ='D


THEY ALSO HAVE A DOG. He's the best. And scared. Of everything!

Oh well one week down two to go.


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Oct 19, 2006 - 10:46 PM
YOU WERE ALL WRONG
BEST PS2 GAME EVER:


It's pretty much just the PSP game, except cheaper, a lot easier to see and with some Eye-Toy levels!


This calls for MS Paint with NO BACKGROUNDS AT ALL SO LAZY.









Currently Playing: LEMMINGS MAYBE

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[public entry #65]


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