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Infernal Monkey's Journal

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Jan 26, 2007 - 01:42 AM
Flock of drowning seagulls
Wow, I've had a really shitty weird past few days! Probably should have dropped in at some point to say I was away, but I figured my being away would reveal that secret of uniraaaaaaaaaaally wiiiipeooooout. Sorry! I'd talk about that but phew, long words and so forth laced with the smell of MySpace. But the weekend was pretty rad, so I'll utilize the advanced technology of the keyboard to produce words in digital form about this instead!

So about two months back, Becca won this thingamajig awesome-o-power prize from 2Day FM (Sydney's shittiest radio station!) People had to ring in and spill embarrassing Christmas related stories or something. Among it all was a nights stay at ULTRA DELUXE hotel at Coogee (I can't even remember the name of the hotel now, that's how awesome my detail absorbing sponge brain is). It was for two people and surprisingly she asked me if I wanted to come. ME. Not the Windows kind of ME, the Infernal kind! I'll leave it at an internet mystery whether I accepted or not.

Well they finally set a date for when we could take advantage of their walls, roof, floor and such. Last Friday! After a lenghty car trip filled with stop start stop start traffic and yelling "riddled with phlebitis" in weak Richard Nixon style at some wanker in a ute that decided to consume two lanes at once to make getting into the turning lane impossible.. I think we got there.

Pretty good view from the room. :] ANTS, HUNDREDS OF ANTS. The room wasn't very jam packed full of jam, there was only two little packets of strawberry. Oh my. Didn't take us long to get changed and head on down to the ant sand land. Of course I forgot to toss some thongs in my bag. SHOES IT IS.

Good thing too, they came with the ability of storing my shirt for safe keeping. THE WATER WAS FUCKING COLD. Not like a good cold, a FROZEN ICE AGE cold. I was surprised by the amount of topless women on the beach too, it's difficult when you notice that, because you go to look some more but have to pretend you're looking elsewhere at something more important. I'M JUST SWINGING MY HEAD AROUND IN THIS DIRECTION TO LOOK AT THAT BUS SHELTER IN THE DISTANCE.

Although this secret section looks connected to the main beach, IT'S NOT VERY. Just like the words I used to form that sentence! Really wishing I'd taken a picture of the jagged rock path you have to use in order to get here. TORTURE on the feet, and there were lots of people navigating it, with only enough room for one person at a time. Everyone was jumping off onto even more unstable death areas to get around. The biggest wide load building you can see in the distance is the hotel! THERE'S ALSO A PLANE. Combine the two and you get an action movie.

The water here was warm, but also horrible. There was like snot floating in it and the ground was all rocky and slippery. Lots of kids here, too. Maybe that's why the water was so warm..

Time for walking!

This is the memorial for the Bali Bombing victims. Personally I think it's fucking retarded. A giant green out of date pretzel?

Took this photo after this THING had started shutting up shop for the day. Originally it was facing the other way, and there was a DJ and some idiots blasting static everywhere. If you could throw a velcro tennis ball onto all pads you won a bag of chips and a can of Coke. Wow! It was pretty hard not to win, as they let you stand really close. So close that I basically just placed them on the right spots and did a tennis winning pose where you sort of clench your fist in crushing Goku style but punch yourself in the face with it instead. SKILLZ. I'm not quite sure the Telstra advert is big enough.

The hotel was chucking in free breakfast, but dinner was all naaaaw go get that shit yourself. So we did! To the beer gardens! It was lively! Walk in and like a hundred high class plastic tables and chairs in a very cool open area ahoy. We got there about seven, had some drinks, had some food! We both got the CHICKEN SCHNITZEL because it looked SO AWESOME. Oh God it was the best thing ever, with enough chips to build a house out of. In fact I lived in that house for the past few days. Eventually the dripping salt and oil started burning my eyes. Had to go to the Gingerbread House.

We found ourselves merging with a table of backpackers from the UK for a little while later on. That was pretty cool! Also British accents swoon. VROOOM oh! Getting back to the room, I was thrilled to find ROBES. ROBES TO WEAR. Obsessed with wearing! Not in the shower though, it was hard enough just to stand up in there. And there's enough shampoo to cover one strand of hair, pretty good!

BIG APPLE, 3 6 AM. Ah lookin' good without the ants. Oh wait, what's that over ther-



Breakfast wasn't my cup of tea. Being such a fancy place, the breakfast was obviously of a fancy standard. Fancy to the max. All you could eat breakfast! But only for breakfast. Can't eat all the breakfast for lunch, no way. I'm not good with fancy situations, even something as simple as breakfast, because I feel so out of place and wrong. The self hatred of NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH FOR THIS. Still, it was pretty wow. American crispy bacon AND English bacon? TWO CHOICES OF BACON? What are they trying to do here, fry my brain? For more bacon? Even the eggs, fried, scrambled, something something, it was all there! There was even a guy standing around that'd make a custom omelette if you wanted! A CUSTOM ONE. "I want herbs in it" "Yes" "And ham" "Okay" "Also this jam donut" "..Al..alright"


Hilariously bad photo quality here, but I kinda found it amusing that there was a "no dogs" sign with a cat guarding the entrance. I'm tired of typing now!


Currently Playing: Rio Hamamoto - Road Mauler

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[public entry #94]

Jan 18, 2007 - 06:38 AM
Yeeeah, she probably needs a new name now
Tiny Kong, Donkey Kong 64

Tiny Kong, Diddy Kong Racing DS


Currently Playing: Machinae Supremacy - Follower

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[public entry #93]

Jan 15, 2007 - 08:24 AM
Off the tracks, into the lake, we'll all enjoy today!
The Jet Coaster / Rollercoaster World

Developer: Takara
Publisher: D3 / Midas

ONE. The. Remember The One? Wasn't that like a really rubbish movie or what? Everyone commented on the way the movie made them feel like they'd just sat in the city dump rather than the cinema. It's gotta be true, because I just typed it, therefore it's officially on the Internet. Not me though, I mean, I liked it. I liked it when Jet Li hurt people, and when the stuff happened. That was great. And seeing how he hurt most of the paying public, I guess that pretty much makes it my favorite movie ever. It's the law. Speaking of one and pain, apparently ONE guy made this game.

I always do a little bit of detective work before leaping on in here and vomitting off-topic words that nobody reads. Might as well since I have to track down images anyway. Unless the game is so unknown that photos of my TV in the nude (the TV, not me.. unless) are required. So yeah, one guy! And he's made one before this on Dreamcast! That's only fitting though, a one man development team for the one consumer console (HAHA DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? I ATTEMPTED TO TROLL THE SAYGAH BUT DID SO WITH A POORLY CONSTRUCTED SENTENCE).

Poorly constructed can be linked back to roller coasters, so phew, a new paragraph enters the arena with all the grace of Balrog in a tutu. Rollercoaster World is very much like the classic Theme Park, but with a sterner attitude and a greater focus on the actual roller coaster stuff. Here's me thinking roller and coaster worked together with a space, but it's one word according to this game? Rollercoaster World. Or is it? I obviously have not done quite enough I Spy this time, and if your uncle is Andross, well I'm sorry, but I've failed him. But it doesn't have to be a non-stop stress ride. You can either attempt to juggle an entire amusement park, the rides, the finances (bankrupt as soon as the gates open) or you can simply jump on into just creating roller coasters and having a fun! Enjoy!

This city is very flat today!

Oh no, my brains
Let's management this bitch up. Starting off with an obscure amount of money, uh 'gold' (this theme park is built by pirates, for pirates), you struggle from the get-go. You lay down your path (very crucial, unlike Theme Park, your visitors have a huge fear of grass), put in some fancy plants, whack in a few shops for hungry hungry people to purchase food with the sole intention of spewing it back out with incredible style later on. Maybe add a single toilet somewhere, a mystery location that'll turn into a fun adventure! Then there are the novelty attractions, the wastes of land, time and money rolled into one. Nobody goes to an amusement park known for its killer roller coasters to ride the bloody tea cup! Even so, the selection here is very limited. Don't expect a cool spooky ghost rape house or a stage filled with country bumpkins playing their banjos here! You also miss out on the same level of options, say like, you can't raise the salt content of your chips by four hundred percent, tsk tsk.

If you want, you can go down and walk around your park in first person. It's kinda cool until you realize how bland and depressing your creation is and you get the desire to drown yourself in the toilet, but can't remember where you put it. The vistors show up as real people.. in 2D. Pretty disturbing, especially when you walk around them and they keep sliding to face you. THOSE REALISTIC BLURRY FACES, ALWAYS WATCHING. This is one time I'd prefer kawaii supah kewl super deformed Hello Kitties or something. You can talk to these freaks if you wish, they'll usually offer thought-provoking stuff such as "I get bored when there's nothing to do" or "I'm tired, I need somewhere to sit". When this is said as they're standing right next to a seat, I nod my head in a concerned manner and pretend to stroke a beard that does not exist. Luckily the one man band behind this has provided some lava for those who dig deep enough. For instance, walking up to the ticket machine and mashing the GOGOGO button will spawn some cas-gold. Why? Fucked if I know! It's the best ticket machine ever! You can also find running shoes! These let you run! NO WAY YES WAY. Don't like running? How about ROCKET BOOTS? Damn right. Extremely glitchly rocket powered hovering is here, today!

Watch out Disney Land. People are leaving the park at 8km/h!

Build a suicide machine
But wait, we haven't put in a roller coaster! This is the bulk of the game. The meat and potatos. The uh. The game throws a colossus at you in the form of a track builder. Firstly, the instruction manual is a pile of smell. A smell so bad your eyes water, because the smell has gone inside them, up in your brain, and punched your best memories right in the gut. Seems Midas would rather dedicate more space to advertising their other 'great' titles like Eternal Quest (OH JUST YOU WAIT) and MaXXed Out Racing (sounds hardcore, it's like the title suggests they've pushed the Emotion Engine to its limits) than explain the game in question. Wait there's no question here! Luckily the game has a built in tutorial of sorts.

It's good stuff! The creativity is allowed to run all over the joint here. You can build them sooooo high and put in soooo many twists, turns, loops, bumps, death areas, sooooooo forth. Even if you somehow run out of room in your park, the nice lads running the blocks of land with the huge office blocks around you will let you design the track past their windows. That'd make meeting time fun! "Alright team we're here to discuss our declining prof*ROLLER COASTER ZOOMS PAST AND FOUR PEOPLE HURL ACROSS THE WINDOW*its, any ideas?" You don't even have to make the thing connect back to the beginning. It's fine to go even if it causes everyone to just fall off at the end and crash. Safe! You may lose money and get shut down though.

To prevent such minor events like death, you can get crash dummies to test your death trap out. Gotta watch these things! If you have say, a sharp turn coming right off a massive hill, there's a pretty good chance people are going to FALL THE FUCK OUT or better yet, the roller coaster won't make the turn at all and just keep going until it crashes into the tea cup ride below. It's okay, nobody will be on that anyway. But really, isn't killing people is the only real reason to play? Of course it is, I've just said so in this professional review! It's the true game objective, trust me. =)

I don't think this giant white chocolate Wagon Wheel is a success, shut 'er down.

But the best part? You can ride them too! Hop on, marvel at the other people (who become crude 3D models instead of creepy 2D blocks of ice). The game gives you plenty of camera angles, puts Dead of Alive Volleyball to shame for sure. This is easily the greatest part of the game! Especially if you've put the effort in and really made something rad. Along the way you can choose to have it display an information screen. A WHAT. This will give you detailed information such as '4 people have wet themselves', '8 people now have nose bleeds', '2 people have brain damage', '9 people will sue you if they survive'. It's quite charming, and I was surprised to see it included in the game! They'll also scream for you, so you can have a toss if you want (I don't know). WHOOPS THOUGH, if you've made some slightly off calculations, you'll see people get flung out in a hilarious way. This is BEYOND awesome if you've set the camera angle to your seat, so you'll watch people just suddenly fall out in front of you. Or the person next to you go bye bye. You always survive though, because you're GOD. It's not rare to start the ride with a bazillion people and end up being the only one left.

I ruined your ice cream, it's my day!
I think I mentioned somewhere up there that you can also just make the roller coasters by themselves if you want. In a section where money is of no concern! There's even a mission mode. I couldn't be stuffed even trying that, so yeah. Thumbs up? Then you can save the works of art and ride them anytime you want. You can even choose the time of day, and background music. There's around 30 songs, ranging from bloody ears (the less popular brother of Bloody Tears) to only having to turn the volume down just a tad. These screenshots look a lot like arse. Well, if.. wait.. no. That'd be a pretty weird arse, what with the everything in these screens in there. Imagine going to the toilet and a roller coaster falls out into the bowl! Mostly because it is very basic. Blurry textures and stuff. But hey, ONE GUY. Also it runs at a constant 60FPS, which is rad for the roller coaster rides. The game seriously looks quite nice when you set it to dusk.

I made a video, I even uploaded it to YouTube! But then found that a better one exists in the form of the promo. My video looked really shocking quality wise anyway!

YouTube Video

Final scare:


Fighting Angels
Yakuza Fury
Demolition Girl
Pinball Fun
Zombie Zone
Space Invaders Revolution
Party Girls
Street Boyz
Deadly Strike

Currently Playing: Otome wa Boku ni Koishiteru (LONG NAME) - Determination (<3)

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[public entry #92]

Jan 9, 2007 - 11:44 PM

Currently Playing: Boom Boom Satellites - She's So High

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[public entry #91]

Jan 9, 2007 - 01:37 AM


Currently Playing: Some anime music with a very long name but it's okay because when the

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[public entry #90]

Jan 6, 2007 - 04:13 AM
Went to a fortune teller today
He lives in Gottlieb Pinball Classics. I don't know what he's doing there, but he's there!

Currently Playing: Ellegarden - Fire Crackers

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[public entry #89]

Jan 5, 2007 - 06:49 AM

Joe never did get a chance to report the crime that had just taken place at his Gas Service Station that day..

Currently Playing: WHAT A..?

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[public entry #88]

Dec 29, 2006 - 10:28 AM
The Legend of The Sega Legends #1: Teddy Boy

Actually this happened because I thought about drawing a snail that would somehow explain that I've gone over my download limit and I'm now capped at something even a 56k modem would laugh at. Only 'til Monday though. =)

Currently Playing: MC Hammer - U Can't Touch This

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[public entry #87]

Dec 20, 2006 - 09:11 AM
Wait, this isn't what I was originally going to gurn about

Currently playing: WONDERFUL

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[public entry #86]

Dec 17, 2006 - 09:26 PM
About three days~ (THAT'S FOREVER)

Here's a cool Marieo Cart comic from a million years ago.

I don't even know what's happening in the second last panel!

Bye forever! Hopefully I get a new pair of shoes because I've worn the back bits of them out and they have hard stuff underneath cutting into my heels and the wounds do not heal because I wear the shoes everyday so they never get a chance to. You should donate a dollar to my PayPal. If there are three thousand people out there willing to donate just one dollar each I can afford shoes that will play Oblivion.

Currently Playing: Fat/Stray Day - Outbreak

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[public entry #85]

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