He said he wanted to give me my presents early.
He said my parents had it all planned. And maybe they did.
Then he hit me with a tire iron.
The same tire iron on which I am now lying, and is driving its way into my inner thigh. Ha ha.
Ow.
We've been driving for hours.
Satan Clause is Coming to Town is playing on repeat. I am very cold. Is this what happens when you're bad? Maybe if I had been better behaved when we went out at night. Maybe if I had payed more attention in school, and at church. Maybe if I was nicer to my sister...
On the bright side, if I live through this experience, there's no reason I shouldn't get everything I ever want from now on. The rest of my family will spend the rest of their lives trying making this up to me, and I will gladly accept everything they buy me. Because I deserve it.
Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad.