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May 11, 2007 - 01:19 AM |
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Big Ben is big |
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I got up this morning, out of bed. Because I usually sleep in a bed, which requires getting out of in the up kinda way. You can just roll out, but you fall on the floor. I felt like breakfast. None of this pansy milk and 12 types of processed weat though. I felt like a PIE. But you can't have pies for breakfast it's against the law, so I went and had a cold shower. Sadly my pie lust did not get washed away! Too lazy to go down the road and get a freshly killed and roasted pie, I had to settle for the frozen kind.
BIG BEN'S EXTRA TASTY PIES. But hang on, wait a second Big Ben.
Because there's also your traditional pies! I cooked one of your traditional pies, Big Ben.
It was pretty happenin' yo. "GIVE ME THE PIE"
How can they possibly improve upon the traditional pie? How is it EXTRA TASTY? I think we'll need to put this claim to the test.
Well it's still a square shaped pie. That's not an improvement at all, Big Ben! Your traditional pie was square and that was retarded! Pies are ROUND. A square pie looks about as terrible as
Marge Simpson. But still, it only claims it TASTES better so hey.
PUT THE OVEN ON FULL BORE COME AWWWWN. Gotta play the waiting game now. If only I had discovered the pack of extra tasty pies earlier I could have done both at the same time via magic.
I'll pass the time by playing my THRILLER GAME.
Yes, good, good. Nintendo better watch the fuck out, Yogarilla's in town.
HEEEEEY GUUUUUYS. WOW virtual reality is here!
HEEEEEY DOOOOOOG.
NO STOP WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO!
And off he goes. Where are you headed Yogarilla Kong?
Oh no, no! Not Marge Simpson! Not her hat!
YOUR HAT IS NEXT.
Oh good my pie is done. You've always gotten open 'em up just a bit to see if it's hot inside, because pies can trick you sometimes.
"HAR HAR HAR"
Yeah it's done.
Hmmmmm. NO. It's not extra tasty at all! It's just a normal bloody pie. What's going on Big Ben?
THUMBS DOWN. So I guess it's up to me to improve upon the pie now. We'll start with some tomato sauce.
CRIKEY BLIMEY STRUTH CHUZWUZZA AND SO FORTH. I actually have no tomato sauce. This is awful! I'll be sent to New Zealand for this crime.
But I have some smokey BBQ. It's a big value pack, too. Of.. smokey BBQ.
Aw hell, now it looks like something I'd blast out into the toilet after a dodgy kebab bought from some bloke set up next to the pub. If I've learnt anything from poofy cooking shows, it's that food simply can't be tasty unless it looks like a work of art. Also that the food has to be smaller than a thumbtack. Well, we can go for one of those!
Ah yes, this will go nicely.
BLAST 'O YELLOW. Still needs more, darling. Perhaps some green? I searched, got nothin'. There was a tiny bit of mint jelly, but not enough for a positive tasty effect.
But wait, some blue! That'll mix with the lemon butter!
Awwww yeah.
That looks fucking awesome. I should hang it in an art gallery. We'll top it off with
A biscuit. Annnd ooooh...
Yum! Now for the extra tasty trial.
Oh yeah, good texture. Feels nice. Yeah. Oh God I'm gettin' excited, there's sperm in my pants.
ARRRGLE
BARRGLE
EXTRA TASTY
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